Is it normal that i think i look different from what i see in mirror?
It's like in my mind, the way I look is different from the way my body and face look in reality. My "inner self-image" isn't more beautiful than real me, or thinner, or whatever. In short, it's not an improved version of real me. It's different. Another kind of facial structure, a different height, a body type unlike my own. The hair color is also different, though not by much. There are some similarities, too, but still.
It's been like this since childhood. I always avoided having my pictures taken or even looking in the mirror, because each time I see my real actual face I get a sort of unpleasant jolt, a reminder of "this is how I really look like", which feels odd, disconnected. As if my real looks are somehow wrong, not my own. Like I'm in someone else's body. "This isn't me", I can't help thinking, though at the same I of course realize this is my physical body.
In the course of my job, I had to take some glamorous studio photos, lots of makeup and photoshop, I looked very pretty, but it didn't help. It still felt wrong, "not me".
It's like... imagine you are dressed in some clothes different from what you normally wear, and you forget about it and then catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and feel suddenly uncomfortable, unlike yourself. Only I feel like this about my actual looks.