Is it normal that i think confidence and egotism are the same thing?

41% Normal
11 Comments

I really, really dislike egotistical and over-confidant people. I just have no patience or tolerance for them.

Part of the reason I have low self esteem is because I think that confidence and egotism are the same thing. In my head, the more modest I am, and the less confidence I have, the less egotistical I'll be. I've been told that I shouldn't think that way, but I've also been told that the line between confidence and egotism is thin. So I try not to have confidence in myself. I feel like the less confidant I am, the less stuck up I'll be- therefore, I'll be a better person... therefore, I don't really see why it's a bad thing that I put myself down a lot and have low self-esteem. It's better than it being the other way around.

So, is it normal that I think that confidence and egotism are the same thing and that I don't see a problem with me having low self-esteem?

Voting Results
41% Normal
Based on 41 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Pisslan616
    12 years ago

    I think it's a lot harder to be a nice guy (so to speak) than it is to be a total arse hole.

    Egotistical people can behave like a dick and be as full of themselves as humanly possible and not give a shit. Because they are arse holes.

    But a nice person who tries not to behave like a dick and at least try's to have a modicum of modesty ends up having low self esteem.

    I think there is a destination to be made between over confidence and confidence. I think you should be confident about your own abilities. For example I do visual effects and I am fairly confident that I could cgi a UFO. I am confident that I can do that because I know I posses the right set of skills to do that.

    But if you put me into a social situation and asked me to talk to some people at a party for example I would be much less confident because I don't know if I posses the social skills to not alienate everyone.

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  • Saycheese
    12 years ago

    I don't ever think I'm better than anyone; neither do I think anybody is better than me. There are a lot of stupid people out there, but I'm not a person to point them out because everybody is their own person. You need to think about that about yourself.

    I know I have terrible grammar, but I never complain about it and if someone tells me, I'll be so what. I know I have learning disabilities. I'm proud to say it too and no it's not fun to have but oh well... it's life.

    I love seeing happy people who are confident in themselves, but I absolutely dislike egotistical. I had a friend once who was like that he actually made me feel less confident in myself being around him. But at the same time after I got rid of him out of my life he kind of helped me actually. He made me realize how good of a person I really am and how great my life really is with a good family and great friends who really care about me!! :)

    People with a lower self-esteem are more likely to be egotistical, just to make themselves look better. Not saying you are that way though.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      ...Honestly, I have never gotten that. The argument that people who are egotistical often have low self esteem. Never have.

      When someone is egotistical, they think they are God's gift, and that everyone else is beneath them. They think they are better than everyone else. People with low self-esteem don't think highly of themselves. Egotistical people think they're important while people with low self esteem don't. Egotistical people do things to makes themselves look better because they want to brag about it, because they want to prove to the other person that they're worthless and beneath them.

      So, yeah, I have never understood that generalization... at all.

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      • Riddler
        10 years ago

        No they are completely different. Being confident in yourself is not a terrible thing. You can be confident in yourself and your decisions and not treat people bad.

        Being egotistical is when someone acts like they are superior and you are trash. They act like they are better than everyone and you deserve to be at the bottom of their boot.

        Also egotistical behaviour generally will stem from low self esteem. Where a confident person might have higher self esteem than a person who is pretending they are confident.

        People who are egotistical are usually trying very hard to convince themselves they are great and convince you they are great. Though deep down they believe they are nothing. People who are simply confident in themselves but don't feel a need to tell you are the ones truly happy with themselves.

        IF you are confident you don't need to convince people that you are great. When you are egotistical you have to. Why people who are overly egotistical are usually bullies since they have horrible self esteem issues.

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      • Saycheese
        12 years ago

        Well what I ment was that they act egotistical. Since they are insecure of themselves they try to make themselves look better, not all the time though.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    I can understand why you think this - and I'm sure you would think this of me if you saw me in the pub.

    However, I am confident because I don't believe I am significant enough for anyone to pay any attention to what I do. Alternatively, I do not bitch about what others do, so why would they bitch about me?

    Therefore, you might say that I am not egotistical. I dooubt that I have anything special that hundreds of others do not. One thing, I will say though is that I really enjoy a good laugh and if the company I am in is starting to bore me, I leave - even to go to the bathrooo

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  • Alison89
    12 years ago

    Egotism and confidence are not related. Modesty and low self-esteem are not related, either.

    You can be confident and modest at the same time. And you can have low self-esteem and display egotism. In fact, I'd say it's more likely that you have low self-esteem if you display signs of egotism. That egotism is meant to cover up the low self-esteem.

    You can be bad at things and still be confident. You can be bad at things and still have high self-esteem.

    People tend to gravitate toward the things that make them feel good and worthwhile. You've probably noticed this in yourself and others. Being bad at one thing or all sorts of things really shouldn't affect your value as a person.

    You are your own person and have your own value as a person, regardless of the abilities of the people around you.

    I could go on this subject for hours, but I'm probably boring people by now.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      When I'm constantly surrounded by people by age who are more successful than me, and are better at the things that I like to do, how am I possibly suppose to have confidence in myself? Because I honestly can't find anything positive about myself. Not only do I think egotism and confidence are the same thing, there's nothing about me that I can possibly be confident about. They say that everyone has a special something that makes them stand above everyone else and makes them unique- I have nothing. Whatever I like to do, I can easily find someone who can do it ten times better than I can.

      With some people, that usually makes them strive to better, but with me, I just break down. Because I know myself well enough to know that I don't have the talent or the skill to match them. I keep being told that I'm being a downer, or I'm being negative, but I'm being realistic. So how am I suppose to have confidence in myself if I don't find any value in myself? Because no matter how hard I try, I can't find anything about me that makes me valuable.

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      • Alison89
        12 years ago

        Why do you think you have to be as good as or better than others to have confidence in yourself? How good you are at things and how you compare to others has very little to do with self-confidence, or at least, it should have very little to do with self-confidence and self-esteem.

        You have to start with acceptance. You are who you are, no more and no less. Life isn't a job or a position on a team. Being good or bad at things doesn't affect your value as a human being. You have to learn to be okay with yourself the way you are. Take stock, assess yourself, and if there's a particular thing you want to be better at, work on it, but that still doesn't have anything to do with self-esteem.

        I'll give you an example from my own life. I had a class where I had to do a lot of presentations. I was pretty bad at them (I've gotten better) and I knew that. Before a presentation, my friends (who were better at it than me) would ask me, "Aren't you nervous?" They were always a lot more nervous than I was. Knowing you're bad at something doesn't mean you have to act like you're ashamed of yourself for not doing better.

        Yes, it does sound like you can be a real downer. It sounds like you expect to do poorly and then fulfill your expectations. When you do things, it's okay to be realistic, but you should be more positive and accept yourself for who you are. If you feel better about yourself, you will probably do better, but that's not the point. You should feel better so you will feel better.

        If you had to run a race against the world's fastest man, you should expect to lose, right? No amount of optimisim or positive thinking is going to make you win that race, so should you feel bad about yourself before, during, or after the race? No, you are who you are despite the competition.

        As for everyone having something special that makes them stand out, I've never believed that. I don't have a special skill that makes me unique. That doesn't make me less confident in myself

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          12 years ago

          Of course I have to be as good, or better than others- because it tells me that I'm worth something. That I've truly accomplished something.

          I'm a quiet introvert- I'm barely noticed. Whenever I try to say something, no one hears me. It's like they choose not to, because they honestly have no interest in what I have to say. If I do something significant, or do something better than the best, then I believe then I'll be noticed- that I'll be worth something. And if someone tries to contradict that, I just think it's complete BS because I've done nothing special or productive with my life, If I'm as good, or better than the ones better than me, that's when I'll think highly of myself- that's when I'll have "confidence" in myself.

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  • karmasAbich
    12 years ago

    I used to be just like you. I would put myself down and be extremely modest so that I wouldn't be egotistical or "arrogant"
    But eventually it took a toll on ly psyche, i started believing everything i was saying to myself until i lost the whole purpose of why i started doing it in the first place. Now when i try to tell myself im good at something or I'm handsome anything of that nature. I dont believe it. So watch out so you don't end up in a dark place such as me. I'm saying this to help.

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