Is it normal that i stay with my girlfriend?

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Basically, the girl I'm dating now is my first real relationship. The girl I'm seeing has been through a lot of abuse in her past, with other boyfriends as well as other people. She has been sexually abused more than once, hit by her ex boyfriend of 4 years whom she was living with, and just made feel not worth it or used by other boys. I too have been sexually abused but have not suffered the same trauma as her following it.

In the beginning of our relationship I use to look at other girls and think they were attractive. She really does not like this, she feels strongly that it should not be tolerated and that it's very wrong for you to do that when you're in a relationship. We fought back and forth about it and I haven't done it since. My reasoning for it was because I was new to relationships and didn't know how to behave.

Fast forward to today, we constantly fight over big and small things. She accuses me constantly of looking at girls and is very grumpy to me sometimes. She hasn't trusted me since the whole looking at girls ordeal but she really loves me and I love her, despite everything. Just recently, I said somethings I didn't mean (calling her a fucking bitch and saying if she continues to be a bitch she'll end up alone) because she tends to take out her frustrations out on me. She was very hurt by it and she has real bad anxiety and thought she was going to have a heart attack when I told her. I said I was sorry but she doesn't care anymore even though deep down I know she loves me and cares about me. I don't feel like I'm in the wrong but in the same time I do. I think mutually, we both anger each other and I tend to say things out of line.

My question, do we work? I really love her because even though we fight a lot and sometimes our fights can be very hectic and hurtful, we have so much fun together and can be very loving to each other. I've threaten to break up with her at least 10 times but I always stay and apologize because I know I love her and look past all the bad stuff. We have great sex as well. Our physical attraction to each other is there. I don't mean to be an asshole to her but I feel like sometimes she really brings out the worst in me because I feel like I'm paying for the mistakes of her past boyfriends. (even though I messed up with the looking at girls thing).

Help greatly appreciated!

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Comments ( 8 )
  • dom180
    11 years ago

    I think she's clearly very paranoid, and she worries a lot about the thought of losing you which is why she reacts badly when she think she sees you looking at other girls; because she's very insecure. That's normal for someone who suffers from a lot of trauma due to an unfortunate history when it comes to relationships. She obviously has trust issues, which again is normal for someone in her shoes.

    I think all relationships have problems, and I think your problems will get better with time. How long have you been together?

    If you both love each other, and you both want to be happy together, I think there's good cause to be hopeful.

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    • seanpeabody
      11 years ago

      Yeah she is very paranoid and insecure. We've been together 1 year and 2 or 3 months give or take. I'm trying my best to be hopeful but every time we get into a fight, it's bad and I lose all hope.

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  • Darkoil
    11 years ago

    You have to learn how to use your peripherals or else it will end up with you being shouted at everytime you glance at any girl.

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    Everyone has quirks. Some are worse than others. I think you two soounds like a normal couple

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  • Ixu
    11 years ago

    It sounds like an ordinary relationship gone off the rails a bit, just like mine. I can't offer much help there but if it's of any console it's not her previous boyfriends that have effected her this way, it's the current relationship and I guess this just happens a lot.

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  • PapzBSlim
    11 years ago

    You need to try and argue less. Try not to say anything back when she is upset and let her vent.

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    • seanpeabody
      11 years ago

      I try very hard not to argue, but at times she really pushes my buttons. I've never been an argumentative person, I always just laughed and/or walked away from situations and not let things get to me. But with her, she wants to talk everything out and argue if need be when I would rather just have us cool off and then come back and talk about it.

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      • PapzBSlim
        11 years ago

        Maybe just walk away like you said you like to do. Just tell her you are walking it off and will get back to her about what ever the situation is. She is jealous so you may have to be careful not to give her any reasons for her to get upset and argue.

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