Is it normal that i secretly self-medicate myself?

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30 Comments

I started purchasing (pharmaceutical) drugs for myself on the online grey/black market when I found out about Silkroad. I have long thought that I could benefit from some form of treatment, but I was never comfortable talking about it with anybody, even a doctor. So I tried to diagnose symptoms online.

First ADHD. These drugs seemed to help somewhat, but didn't last long enough- I would have needed to take far too much each day. So I stopped using them.

I wasn't just having ADHD symptoms but also possibly depression and anxiety. I didn't decide this casually, I even read a fair bit of a giant technical textbook for real physiologists. I got an SSRI which seemed to enable me to get up and go to all my obligations (at university), but I still didn't want to go to anything social and didn't do much independent work. This isn't placebo, because I recently decided it wasn't working and stopped, and here I am a week later and I missed all last week lectures and greatly overslept all week, the first time this happened since I started the drug.

I also ordered beta-blockers because I shake/tremble a lot- I thought it was anxiety and/or pathological. I now think I have hyperthyroidism based on having many of the symptoms. It seems meds for that isn't so easily available to me, though the b-b's will still help reduce the shaking.

I realized better drugs exist which could aim to deal with more than one problem, since I know mental illnesses are mostly interconnected. I'm considering trying an SNRI, which seem to be better for treating anxiety and depression, and can treat ADHD too.

Whether you agree with my diagnoses or not, I definitely have some sort of 'neurosis'. I should probably go to the doctor, but I don't see the clear benefit.

Anyway, I'm giving all these details so you don't worry/tell me to stop, I know the temptation especially if you don't know me. I'm a bit conceited I admit, but I believe I'm being safe, and if not, I'm young so could be doing much more dangerous stuff! I've been generally lucky regarding side-effects.

Voting Results
27% Normal
Based on 86 votes (23 yes)
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Comments ( 30 )
  • DiamondGirl
    10 years ago

    Life sucks and it is ok to self medicate, But u have to b careful on how much. I take meds and there' s a lot of bad side effects. But if I didn't take them, I might feel worse.

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    • (s)aint
      10 years ago

      Hah, why does your life suck? ;(

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      • DiamondGirl
        10 years ago

        U seem provoked, Good! Hah, You dumb foreigner, did u cook my Meatballs yet. My life is sweet I told u I got everything that u don't. Jewlery, a Husband, Money, And Lots of love. Don't b a hater. Maybe One day they'll make u Manager of Mcdonalds. ha ha! Loser! suck on this bitch! Or u could just b a prostitute like your mom. ha ha ha ha haha!

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  • Tommythecat.
    10 years ago

    Don't self medicate no matter how safe you think you're being, it might seem ok at first...

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      The most addictive drug that I take is alcohol, I don't see the need to be so cautious.

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      • Tommythecat.
        10 years ago

        Nobody does when they start, but it gets worse, self medication is considered bad because it is bad.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          I understand what you're saying, but I'm still not going to stop, because I also understand that not self-medicating because I am told it leads to dangerous behavior, is a bit like not being an astronaut because there's a high chance of getting killed relative to other professions. Except in this analogy, the only possible way I could get killed during a space mission is if I personally make a mistake which leads to my death. So not only am I ignoring the benefits to my life from being an astronaut, I'm also expecting myself to make a fatal error, which I wouldn't do if I believe myself to be a skilled astronaut.

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          • Tommythecat.
            10 years ago

            Well I can't make you stop, but it isn't a good idea at all to do it. It never works in the long term.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              10 years ago

              Look, I'm completely willing to listen to your arguments, but just saying that it is bad it not sufficient, I'm intelligent and have confidence in my ability to resist abusing the drugs I'm using. I know I should go to my doctor and have him prescribe me the appropriate medication, but right now I simply don't have the time, effort or patience to do so, and as much as a doctor is qualified, ultimately, I'm going to have more interest in the efficacy of my treatment than anyone else, including him. Nevertheless, I genuinely appreciate your efforts to helping me.

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          • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
            10 years ago

            everyone respects and admires astronauts cause theyre smart they work real hard and they get to do stuff that only a few do.
            Any ole shithead can become a dope fiend.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              10 years ago

              I realised that someone would make this arguement as soon as I made this comment. It wasn't the right analogy I admit, but my points stand that the risks should only be seen in the context of the benefits and that I naturally believe that I have the intelligence and self-discipline to not fall into harmful abuse.

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  • RockerGirl
    10 years ago

    I say do whatever the fuck you think is right and if you fuck up, you know it would be your responsibility. I have Social Anxiety and Depression and I can't go to the fucking psychiatrist because they never pick up the phone. And when I do get an appointment, they give me the wrong medication or nothing at all! I also speculate I have anger issues but if I tell the psychiatrist about it, I am sure she would dismiss it. Anyways, back to my original point (sorry for the rant) I wish I could self-medicate but I can't because I'm underage. Keep doing what you think is right and hope you get better dude (I'm guessing you are male) :)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I'm a virgin and I want to have sex with you so much right now (I'm really sorry, I'm very drunk...)

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Silkroad is being closely watched by the feds right now.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I haven't bought anything illegal from it, SSRIs and beta-blockers aren't controlled drugs. I did buy the ADHD medication (which is controlled) last year on the old Silk Road, but I haven't been contacted by the police yet, so I think I'm fine. But thanks for the warning!

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      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        Silkroad runs rampant with counterfeit prescription drugs which usually contain unwanted or hamful fillers that the normal regulated prescription drugs do not contain. A lot of these drugs are crudely syncthesized in developing countries and marketed as the real brand name medications. It is hard to eyeball the differences. Beware of the grey online drug market.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          Thanks, I appreciate that

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          • [Old Memory]
            10 years ago

            Start self medicating with butt sluts. They help with my rapid cycling bipolar disorder.

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  • AnonymousPerson1041
    10 years ago

    I wouldn't risk this like I take meds for depression,OCD and they have to check my heart with a Electrocardiography also known as a EKG also it can get you arrested by caring pills like that with out a prescription

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  • KingRabbit
    10 years ago

    You do not know what you are doing. Diagnosing illnesses online is stupid. Proceed, I like stupid people.

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  • noid
    10 years ago

    Psychologist is the correct title in your story, not physiologist.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I had a feeling that was wrong, the book by the way is called 'Personality Disorders in Modern Life' http://www.amazon.com/Personality-Disorders-Modern-Theodore-Millon/dp/0471237345

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  • SuperBenzid
    10 years ago

    Wow I thought you were a kindred spirit self medicating with drugs and alcohol but this, this is something different. Maybe better in some ways but more unusual.

    I think you have depression causing a fairly severe case of hypochondria. You really need to see someone, drugs don't work on their own all that well without therapy.

    Also don't use the silk road the prices are crap, drugs are much cheaper on the street.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      i know it sounds like I've got hypochondria, but I've always had problems concentrating to do my homework, from primary school to now I take ages to complete simple tasks because I can't focus, so that's either ADHD or something similar. The tremors are clearly real, when I was at the dentist last, I couldn't keep my head from shaking and the dentist kept stopping and asking me if I'm alright, same at the opticians, and sometimes at night a get these weird tremors through my body when I'm trying to get to sleep.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        10 years ago

        Also, if I got a strange pain or feeling or some other symptom, I might think I could have something serious like cancer or something, but I'd sill realize that this was an overreaction and when the pain would eventually goes away, I'd totally forget about it. But these symptoms I'm medicating have been with me, in some cases (like poor concentration), for as long as I can remember. The only reason I self-medicate is because I want to alleviate these symptoms so they stop interfering with my life. This isn't hypochondria.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Well I forgot to mention alcohol, I drink a fair amount of vodka though I think I keep it within sensible limits

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  • ganesha
    10 years ago

    Oh god, dont do this

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Most of what I've taken is legal and fairly safe. For SSRIs there isn't really any terrible side-effects that are likely to result, and they're not addictive, same for beta-blockers, plenty of people self-medicate with propranolol to reduce hand tremors apparently (like musicians).

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  • Psoriano
    10 years ago

    hahahaha man, I wouldn't take that poison even if it was prescribed by a real doctor. Don't believe everything you read, psychiatry is bullshit. They decide upon what is a disease and what isn't by voting. How the fuck is that science? Those drugs are for the most extreme cases only. The average person doesn't need any of that shit.

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