Is it normal that i rejected a girl because she was bipolar?

I have been friend with this girl for a few years now. She is really kind, we have a great connection and we can truly talk for hours and hours. We really think alike in most situations and we never get into conflict. She confessed to me a few days ago, but I got really afraid and rejected her inmediately. The thing is that she is bipolar, one of the worst cases I have ever seen.

Usually, she behaves normal, but when her mood swings strike, she can be a little obnoxious. Even during her manic phases she is unbearable.

When she is "happy" she is very impulsive and has the weirdest whims, like going out to very specific places, eating certain foods or hanging out with certain people. This is not bad by itself, but the thing is that she "has" to get what she wants when she is in this phase, even if it involves making people cancel their appointments, driving for hours or spending a lot of money. If she doesn't get what she wants, she instantly begins to pout like a kid and enters her depressive state.

Her depressive days aren't any better. Sometimes I don't hear about her for weeks. She gets inside her room and locks herself for days. She has lost many jobs already because of this and has even delayed her thesis for years. Me and my other friends always try to cheer her up, but nothing seems to work when she is like this.

Her problem is also that she is already 30 and is very insecure about her appearance. There is nothing wrong with her appearance and she doesn't look 30 at all... but apparently she has very high expectations, it seems like she kind of wants to be the perfect skinny blond girl. And well, basically, no one in my group can ever talk about any other girls, because she gets kind of jealous and start feeling depressed right away. We can't even talk about models or actresses!

She is going through treatment, but I don't really feel like she is 100% commited. She drinks a lot of alcohol, she usually doesn't get drunk, but she drinks many times a week. She also doesn't work hard enough to gain stability in her life, as I said, she constantly looses jobs for no reason. As an extra, she always tell every single person she knows that she is bipolar as soon as they meet, and I suspect she does that to gain inmunity in case she does something bad while in her mood swings.

Well, I was wondering if it was right to reject her just because of this. I know that she is a great person, it is just this illness that makes her act like this. People have also told me that maybe if I get into a relationship with her she might get better... But I personally don't feel like taking that risk. On the other hand... I have my own problems as well (chronic depression) and I have enough taking care of myself, I don't have energy enough to take care of another person.

TLDR: This great girl is bipolar, but I rejected her because she gets unbearable during her mood swings and I don't want to look after a person while I have problems on my own.

So, is it normal?

Voting Results
84% Normal
Based on 45 votes (38 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • Klt3shottie

    I am bipolar and I think not dating her is a very smart choice at the moment. She has more problems than being bipolar. Right now, you are saving yourself a ton of grief and drama by not committing yourself in a relationship with her. Maybe one day she will get tired of the emotional roller coaster ride and decide to take her illness a little more seriously, and stop drinking excessively and make her treatment plan an everyday part of her life.
    Plus, Bugsforbreakfast is right, jealousy and neediness will tear your relationship pretty quickly.
    And Never Never go into a relationship with the thinking you can fix someone or make them better.
    She has to want to get better for no one but herself or she will never be happy no matter what you do. The old saying you can't truly love someone till you are able to love yourself is full of truth. I don't think she can't do that right now. That doesn't mean she never will, but for now, taking care of your own issues should definitely be first priority.

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  • DangerousPotatoGuy

    oh when I saw this post I had a comment already made up in my mind, obviously it has changed. its more than the bipolar thing and it looks like you're only going to get into a relationship because it makes her feel better? I don't know I think it should work both ways.

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    • I am actually kind of curious about what were you thinking to post before reading the story.... :D

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      • DangerousPotatoGuy

        bipolar or not bipolar its still okay

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  • RoseIsabella

    Bipolar is one thing but she sounds like more than bipolar. This chick appears to be an alcoholic and a codependent too. RUN!!!

    Seriously, this chick doesn't need a boyfriend what she needs is to work on herself in the form of taking her medication, attending cognitive behavioral therapy and working 12 step programs for alcoholism and codependency. She sounds like a mess, poor thang.

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  • I have schizoaffective which is like a mix of bipolar and schizophrenic symptoms and have aspergers and adhd as well and it is hard for people to understand but I don't go expecting people to do things for me like you described she does. If I do have something I really want to do and can't I can get in a bad mood but I don't expect everyone to accomidate for me. I will go do what I want on my own. A lot of girls do the jealousy thing too which I find to be unacceptable. I don't think that's just bipolar, but it could make it worse.

    The traits of neediness and jealousy are more irritating than the symptoms of any mental illness.

    I can also guarantee getting with her will not make her better.

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  • Dillon

    Coz some damn fool accused you of being the best.

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    • RoseIsabella

      Dillon!... You son of a bitch!

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      • Dillon

        Ok ok OK

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    • GoraIntoDesiGals

      Get a life, troll.

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      • Dillon

        Make it easy on yourself GoraIntoDesiGals.

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  • Rhythz

    Everyone has their problems and issues. Maybe it is best that you rejected her because she needs to help her self first. All you and your friends can do is support her. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, major depression and major anxiety 3 years ago. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. I refuse medication because I do not want it to control me or change who I am. It was very difficult with me in the beginning but my boyfriend was very supportive though it all and I was able to get better and find ways to help myself better my issues. Now I can be there for him if he is ever going through anything.
    Best of luck!

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  • Nokiot9

    My gf is bipolar hardcore. Takes meds and everything. If you like her a lot you should give it a shot at least. It's not impossible to date someone with bipolar disorder. You just need to learn to predict their behavior and adjust yours accordingly. Yes sometimes it's frustrating as FUCK. Like yesterday we couldn't go to ihop because once we parked and she looked out "there are too many people here" I could tell she was on the edge of one of her moods because of how irrational and emotional she gets, so I caved and dove to waffle house.

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    • Nokiot9

      She can't control the way she feels. I think that's what bipolar mostly is. An uncontrolled mass and sudden shift in emotional state. Usually seemingly out of nowhere without provocation or reason. Like two nights ago we were having a convo about her day at school and all of a sudden she just hits the mattress face first and starts bawling her eyes out for almost an hour till my friend showed up out of the blue and in the 2 min he was here she snapped out of it and was totally fine. It's so exhausting sometimes. But I love her. Her problems are mine. Which is something you are probably trying to avoid. Why make those problems she's having, yours? Well, that comes down to a simple question; do you love her? Which also answers your question.

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