Is it normal that i "pretend" to kill myself?

27% Normal
12 Comments

Today, I took a walk in the woods. It was unfamiliar woods, where no one would think to look for me. After a couple of hours, I stopped and sat against a large, old oak tree. I unholstered my .357MAG snubnose, cocked the hammer, pointed the barrel to my temple, and rested my finger on the trigger. The slightest twitch, and I would not be typing this right now. I held this position for what seemed to be approximately fifteen minutes.

During this time, I contemplated my life so far. I thought about all of the people I know, and may know in the future, and how much better off they would be if I was gone. I thought about how everything I desire hurts people, and about how everything I want the most could never possibly exist. I thought about how my very existence is a mistake, and a corruption of nature.

Then, I slowly set the hammer back, holstered the weapon, and went home as I had planned from the beginning.

I do this from time to time, with variations in location, duration, and weaponry, but I'm not sure why. "Pretending" to commit suicide is the only description I can give of this behavior. As far as I can tell, the only reason I have not actually killed myself yet is because I believe suicide is immoral.

Is this normal?

Voting Results
27% Normal
Based on 84 votes (23 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • Shackleford96
    12 years ago

    Aw, please don't take the easy way out. I kind of like you in a strange anonymous way...

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    • EccentricWeird
      10 years ago

      I love you, Shacky.

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      • Shackleford96
        10 years ago

        Olive juice you too

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  • MoistWarmDesires
    12 years ago

    So beautifully written!

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I believe you do this because you wanna feel alive... maybe I'm wrong

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I think you should get help from your doctor for depression. If I had of lived in America I would have commit suicide years ago. However we don't have the same access to guns in the UK and now I'm glad. I got help and I'm OK now.

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  • panvicka
    12 years ago

    nope it is not normal, but i would like to do that too.. at least once :)

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  • emilydoll
    12 years ago

    You are human.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I thought it would be more like in Ginger Snaps. But yeah, if it helps you to stay sane, why not?

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    • [Old Memory]
      12 years ago

      I wish I knew how to stay sane.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Is this maskedgunman? :P

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    • [Old Memory]
      12 years ago

      Of course.

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