Is it normal that i obsess so much?

50% Normal
6 Comments

So I'm a 20 year old girl, and I am obsessed with being "perfect." I weigh 90 pounds, I have a butt that's not small, but it's certainly not big, and I have small perky B cup sized breasts. Also, my hair is only a little past my shoulders, and I have acne that I have been battling for years.
I have been cheated on in the majority of my relationships; I've been abused mentally, emotionally and physically; I've been made to feel like I'm not enough; I've been used. I've been put down COUNTLESS times by not only those guys, but by my own family and friends. They point out my acne, my thin hair, my small breast, lack of curves, etc...
In high school, I was made fun of for being too skinny and not having as much curves as most girls...

Still to this day I have to hear constantly, that I'm flat, I'm too skinny, I need to eat a hamburger, etc...

As a result, I've become obsessed with my looks. I HAVE to be perfect before walking out of the door. I can drop hundreds of dollars on beauty products, without even a second thought. I spend more hours in front of a mirror than I do living....
It's so bad that I pay for products I need to keep up with my appearances before I pay bills.
Whether its hair products, hair extensions, makeup, hygiene products, breast growth supplements, etc....

If I see a perfect naked girl on the screen, while watching a movie with my bf, all I can think is "Omg does he wish I looked like that? Well why can't I look like that... it's just not fair. OMG is he going to fantasize about her next time we have sex? idk why he wouldnt... shes so perfect and Im not. Why cant that be me? Guess ill have to try harder...."

It's like I'm TRAPPED by the thought of not being beautiful or enough..... I just want to escape this madness and feel beautiful the way I am... but what I am has never been enough for anyone.

Is this normal? Is it normal to hate how I look SOOO much that I'll obsess over making myself "perfect"?

What can I do? I need help....
I'm tired of feeling this way....

Voting Results
50% Normal
Based on 54 votes (27 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 6 )
  • CozmoWank
    10 years ago

    Considering the crappy treatment you've gotten in the past I think it's normal that its had a negative effect on your self confidence.
    I wonder how many of the people who said such cruel things were actually jealous because they are overweight or wished they looked like you. People often like to magnify the perceived shortcomings of others to make themselves feel better.
    Try talking to your boyfriend about your concerns. You may be relieved to find that some of the things you're concerned with aren't worth the worry.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • dom180
    10 years ago

    Have you told your boyfriend how you feel? This feeling doesn't sound like something you should suffer in silence. If you trust him you can talk about it with him.

    If your partner has thoughts about other people while having sex with you, I think that shows more about your partner's character than it shows anything about you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Wyomingite
    10 years ago

    Oh, boy. Take a deep breath! I needed one after reading your post.
    I think that your past abuse is still dragging you down significantly. It's not your fault that you feel this way and it's distressing to me - as someone who doesn't even know you! - to think about you suffering from these painful thoughts and feelings.
    I beg you to seek counseling or some other form of therapy. It's not scary - counselors these days don't hypnotize you or analyze your dreams or anything whacky - it's just talking about your thoughts and feelings with an accepting, nonjudgmental professional. They can teach you more positive ways of talking to yourself and ways to manage anxiety and distracting thoughts or memories. I've been in therapy for years (which I know doesn't sound encouraging), an I can honestly say that without it, my own negative thoughts would have driven me to suicide by now. Talking to a stranger about these things may feel awkward at first, but it's very rewarding once you become comfortable and realize that the counselor really doesn't judge you, and just wants to help you.
    If you are concerned with the cost of therapy, even very small towns often have a community counseling center that offers services on a sliding scale - so if you're broke, sessions are only about five dollars. You can also usually get counseling for free through your school, college, or church.
    Please seek help! You DON'T deserve to feel this way! I feel pain for your pain and I hope you find relief one way or another.
    Good luck!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Crusades
    10 years ago

    Does your boyfriend love you?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • JustWond'rin
    9 years ago

    It's normal chick. We could have been like the same person (: a few months ago I realized, fuck the rest of them! But this isn't something anyone can lead you to, you have to do it yourself and when you're ready you'll suddenly realise how beautiful and strong you really are! (p.s, my butt's HUGE and I love it!) lol xxx

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Bigzbee
    9 years ago

    Omg I just had a life realisation I've felt the same way I'm 20 now and I do the same shit with NY acne and how I'm shorter then all my friends I'm more body fat and I'm not bulky my girlfriend always says I'm strong but I can't help feel bad BC I don't have as much muscle as her friends (or as much downstairs as her exs) keep in there friend I'm pulling for ya

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0