Is it normal that i no longer have the drive to chase girls?
Hi everyone!
So here is my problem; I no longer wish to chase girls anymore, i dont even attempt it any longer unless the girl we are talking about is clearly showing interest in me and of course me showing her. To understand my situation i will give you a backstory:
I am 21 years old, and this year you could say i got the whole package; I met a girl for the first time, and you could say we did everything. But for me it was especially relieving, forget that i had sex for the first time but the first time i even kissed a girl in my entire life. 21 is a relatively late age for a guy to loose his virginity period, and you might say: Yeah you are probably a shy guy. The truth is i was at the beginning of my adolescent years but i quickly realized i had to change that, because everybody told me girls hate shy guys, because they are really shy themselves so they will for some reason expect you to make the first move, even if it is intitially the girl who likes you first.
From the age of 15 until 21. I i have relentlessly tried to get girls, their number, their interest. I have constantly along the way tried to improve my pickup game; Learning from my misstakes, reading good books and taking advices from those who are above me in that matter. But everything i did was in vain, because not a single girl showed interest in me. They would more likely look at me as if i was a freak i felt sometimes, but that might be me reading into it to much because i was so frustrated at my failures. I watched around me and saw how much less worthy guys got the girls (Im referring to assholes, guys who did drugs bullied and everhything) I might come of as a nerd, but actually i was quite respected among the guys because of my fighting abillities so they would never dare mess with me, i never searched for fights of course.
However for 6 years straight i have attempted, and attempted. But without any success, the closest i´ve ever gotten was a kiss on my cheek, from a drunk random girl haha. I think even if they didn´t tell me, my frustration was visible for the girls. But it didn´t exactly get any better because nobody would give me a chance, it wasn´t uncommon that they would plainly ignore me look away, and talk with some other dude for no reason, and i questioned myself even further what i am doing wrong! You may now realize what kind of frustration i´ve carried throughout the years, and it messed with my self-esteem, but i never lost my resolve so i just kept pushing forward.
This year i´ve been with two girls ( friends with benefit sort of girls ). I´ve had sex and got good reviews, so im quite confident in that department. Now to the point;
I no longer have the drive to chase girls anymore. I feel so damaged from the past that i dont wish to put any more energy into it. And knowing in the back of my head that there are cuties out there who are just waiting for me to talk to them, but wont make any effort themselves, that drives me crazy. I always hear that it is ok for a girl to be shy, but what if a guy is? He get laughed at and get telled that he is a goner. I´ve got no issues approaching girls, i´ve done it so much that is second nature for me now. But i just think it is unfair, especially now when feminism is at its peak and the girls are expected to put effort aswell, WRONG! The double standards drive me nuts, and it turns me off which of course affects my lust to chase women.
What i am afraid of is that; They will play hard to get, mess with my feelings, make me expect big things but in reality they are using me as a toy, for their attention needs. Put in tons of effort, only to be neglected in the end. Natures law says however that is it he guy that should pursue the women. That makes me wonder if i´ve got a problem and should get help, or is it normal that i´ve lost my faith and should indeed let the girls take the first step and make right for their cause. Im so confused about this whole matter and i feel sometimes that i should be as lustful as before. But i cannot deny what i feel for most girls, please guys if you recognize yourselves in this situation, give me some advices!
Cheers Dustin