Is it normal that i never want to be around my own father?

81% Normal
18 Comments

When I was younger, I was a complete Daddy's Girl. He was always so kind and caring towards me. I relied on him so much. We even did those father/daughter "dates" where I would get all dressed up and we would go to McDonald's or something. My point is, when I was younger, my dad was so different. Now that I'm 19, he has done a complete 180. When I was maybe 13-14 he started calling me ungrateful, disrespectful, self-centered all the time. At the time, I became so confused that it spiraled into a huge depression that I'm just now coming out of. He refuses to help me with any problem I have and refuses to help me with College. He always yells at me if I need someone to talk to or if I speak my mind. He never let me finish anything. He made me quit ballet when I was around 15 (just as I got en pointe; it just crushed me)because he didn't want to pay more money. I think he's given me a lot of insecurities. But I don't think I've done anything to make him angry with me. I have always been very studious and never partied or did drugs; it's just not who I am. But now I'm so confused. I feel bad for saying all this because I know that there is always two sides to the story. I feel disrespectful for asking if he's wrong. I don't know if I'm right or if I'm just utterly selfish. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm so afraid to get close to people because if I am selfish, I don't want to hurt the person I get close to. I just don't want to be around my father, he hurts me (emotionally, never physically)every time I see him. I just kinda want to give up. I don't know? Am I just selfish?

Voting Results
81% Normal
Based on 37 votes (30 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 18 )
  • 1982??
    12 years ago

    Did something happen in his life around the time that he started calling you ungrateful? I have seen other dads not transition well from little kid to teenager regarding their daughters. It could even be something from his own childhood that you wouldn't know about. If he had some kind of traumatic or hurtful experience around that age seeing you at that age may have stirred something up that he couldn't deal with at that time. Does he relate well with women in general? If he is awkward around women it is possible it could be related to you becoming one. I am really sorry that he makes you feel so unloved, that is really hurtful.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
      -
    • joybird
      12 years ago

      I think that you are absolutely right! Her dad obviously loved the 'little girl' stage but didn't enjoy the rebellious teenage stage.

      I have to admit I'm going through something very similar with my son. He doesn't party, smoke, drink, drugs - or do anything bad but I just expect him to be able to get on with what he has to do. I even think it may simply be coz he's taller than me now.

      I know that I have to be very careful coz (like her dad) if I don't soften to consciously overcome it, I will 'switch off' expecting the teenager to suddenly be an adult - able to cope emotionally with an adult brain able to shrug things off.

      Dear OP - I think your dad is exhausted with the responsibility of raising you and needs a break. The only way I can explain this to you is, as if you are a clingy girlfriend who won't let him have any space. You have no idea how demanding children are.

      Think about it ... Would you go out to work and hand in all your wages to buy your dad a phone, clothes, food, luxuries, leisure, luxuries, etc? Anything that you hope would make him happy? Then he goes through a couple of years (puberty) where nothing you can do is right?!

      I'm drained even thinking about teenagers - would he like to run away with me ;o)

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      2
      2
        -
      • GaelicPride26
        12 years ago

        So I am selfish. Well...thanks. I'm very glad I wont have to exhaust my father for much longer.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        -1
        -1
          -
        • joybird
          12 years ago

          We are all selfish, just think about how children take take take.

          I'm just trying to explain it from a parent's point of view. You don't need to take offense! As Dad said, give the poor man a hug - and I guarantee he will lighten up a bit.

          Show some appreciation by making dinner, or even by lifting your clothes off the floor.

          You will understand better when you have a child of your own, then you will look back and laugh.

          Good luck!

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
  • remaerdhturt
    12 years ago

    My daughter is no 17. When she was little she was a "daddy's girl". Always with me, watching tv with me and singing in the car etc. When she was 11, my wife left to live with someone else. Add that to my daughter turning into a teenager and quite frankly it's been downhill ever sense. I try to talk to her but she screams at me and treats me like crap at times even though she says she loves me. I love her too but many times I don't want to be around her because of how she acts. She's very smart but failing school, actually out of school and trying to get her GED which she can do if she ever completes the class. She made extremely high scores on entrance tests and is now bored to death.

    It's simple, she's lost like most teenagers and just doesn't feel like sharing the secrets of her life with me because I'm dad and she's embarrassed because she knows I don't approve of her current life style.

    Does any of that sound familiar? We all have our stresses and our fears. We are all afraid of the ones we love seeing our imperfections. As a parent, when things don't go right we blame ourselves for the mistakes our children make and the mistakes we make on our own. That adds up to alot of frustration that alot of times comes out the wrong way. Fear of not knowing how to fix a problem only increases the problem.

    If your dad won't talk to you then all you can do is live your life the best you can without aguing with him until he sees you for who you really are.

    My daughter says alot of things that sound good but her actions make me afraid for her future and that only causes more frustration. Anytime I point try to talk about something that's not right, my daughter says "I'm sorry I can't do anything right, I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you want me to be" which is not even close to what I'm trying to say to her. She's so busy thinking of something to say that she's not listening. I love her more than life but I don't always love how she acts because her actions are self defeating and as her father it hurts to know that and not be able to help her see it.

    What I'm trying to say to you is the same as what I tell her. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF !!! Live your life as best you can because you can do anything you want even without someone else's help.

    If your dad has the wrong idea of who you are, don't get mad about it or doubt yourself. Prove him wrong but do it for yourself.

    Like it or not there is only one person who you have to live with for the rest of your life and that is you.

    It sounds to me like you are both unhappy and the only reason to be so unhappy with your current relationship is because you both love each other so much and miss the relationship you once had...I'm just sayin. It's not too late, just be humble and live your life as best you can.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • GaelicPride26
      12 years ago

      Your comment helped the most!! Thank you so much!! I hope that your relationship with your daughter gets better!! The only advice I can offer is to just keep on doing what you are doing! You truly care for your daughter so just keep on supporting her(even if it's at a distance) and she will see it sooner or later! When my parents got divorced I had a very rebellious phase (pierced my own nose with a safety pin and dyed my hair black from light blonde, among other things...yeah, it was bad XD). I was terribly depressed and it took a while to get out of that hole. But I came out alive and so did my parents!
      Thank you so much! I love how we both are basically in the same boat...but on opposite ends :)!!I really took this to heart!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
  • chocolatchaud
    12 years ago

    perhaps, he wasn't ready to be a father at the time... idk i'm sorry

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Wonderlost
    12 years ago

    It's normal that you never want to be around him, I mean, he makes you feel bad right? So of course you don't want to be around someone who is constantly going to put you in a bad mood. That's not good for anybody.

    Though I wish I had some advice to give you about your situation. . . Have you ever asked straight out why he treats you the way he does? I'm not sure if being blunt is your style... but it's the only thing I can think of atm. Good Luck.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    12 years ago

    do you have to stay there? Perhaps getting a job and moving out would do the trick?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    There may be two sides to every story, but there's no excuse for physically harming you. I wouldn't want to be around him either.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • GaelicPride26
      12 years ago

      Oh no! He's never hurt me physically! I'm sorry, I put that part in parentheses. I probably should have written that clearer. It's just that whenever I'm around him he belittles me and makes me feel terrible about myself. I would never stay around a physically abusive person. Thank you so much for your feedback!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • [Old Memory]
        12 years ago

        Lol, oh oops. I don't know how I could've read that wrong...

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    " I'm so afraid to get close to people because if I am selfish, I don't want to hurt the person I get close to. "

    By saying that you've made it clear that you're not selfish

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    some people dont care and some do and dont know they do

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    im 13 and i feel like my dad is a jerk a lot but he is smy dad no matter how many times he embarrasses me in front of that cute boy or takes away my cell phone or makes me pay for things i dont want to its normal for a teen to want to be rebelious and i know im only 13 but read what im saying

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Dot123
    12 years ago

    The parents biggest fear is seeing their own child growing up, its also a good thing. But Dad's and Mom's too, just want the child to have their own life.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Dad
    12 years ago

    Wow I agree with joybird and others above.

    Also your Dad has likely tried to bring you up the only way he knows how.
    At younger years for you, your Dad likely let many things go that may have made him think twice on an older person , ie you now.

    To continue to be your Dad he has possibly tried to set you straight (in his mind) and quite obviously it worked, as you are now the intelligent young lady you are today.

    Your 'selfishness' concerns is just a young attitude that most have ie Its all about me.
    I think if you showed your Dad this topic and replies (not in anger though!) he would likely explain his actions in greater detail.

    Well done for both, you and your Dad for you growing up and being the person you are today. A hug would not go astray.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • JuliusE
    12 years ago

    Have you gotten fat?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -2
    -2