Is it normal that i miss my ex boyfriend so much?

I really miss my ex boyfriend. Him and I were together for almost 2 years and we broke up around 6 months ago. It was a wonderful relationship. I did end up cheating on him with a woman because I was young and was still discovering my sexuality and really did not even know why I did it other than that. I apologized and he forgave me. I went on to find out he was talking to girls on this "photo sharing" type of blog. The girl turned out to be some female he met through his coworker. I was very upset and asked if he could delete and get rid of every way to contact her. He went on to make secret accounts just to talk to these girls it took months to finally "not see them around". I found out he was still keeping them on social media sites not really sure why I mean he probably built a connection or something with them since I saw once they were talking about me saying I am some crazy girlfriend. Even though I never did anything wrong I personally believe they thought I was crazy because I would message my boyfriends twin brother asking like "do you know whats going on? I dont get (boyfriends name here) whats wrong with him?" etc etc kinda ranting and did message the girl he was talking to once to "thank her" sarcastically for affecting my relationship. I honestly only ever messaged them because of how angry and upset I was I never bothered to think twice in the heat of the moment and yes I agree it made me look a little crazy. Anyways. He practically refused to get rid of these extra women in his life which he claimed to have never done anything with despite me catching him sexting one of them. So we broke up again. I went on to meet a ridiculous ex during the time we were broken up and ended up giving him oral sex even though I was missing my boyfriend and we were broken up still I literally only did it because of my sex high drive and really just imagined my boyfriend instead of him. Noones business, shouldnt matter right? Wrong. When we got back together and I confessed what I did during the time we were broken up he started to shame me and make me feel terrible even though we were on a break. It was very intense he started to accuse me of letting myself "get used" by anyone who comes across my path. He and I continued to be in a relationship but I could just tell we werent doing well. He was starting to believe his friends that because of me he is "broke, homeless (he was living in a shelter and couch surfing often) etc" even though I had gotten him a job with my fathers painting company and would let him occasionally sleep in my home when I asked my parents if it was alright. Keep in mind this was a 19 year old with a 16 year old (me) and so on, he did continue to believe his friends saying I was the reason his life was so sad and I started to believe it too. So I left him, a couple of days before my birthday. I left the love of my life alone thinking this would help him grow and better him. Wrong. Two months later he reveals his new girlfriend to me, oh but no name or face not even any information about her other than shes "white and in college" I am Hispanic and just graduated high school. I just don't understand why I miss him so much after ALL of that? I want to not miss him and find someone else but when I think about a new someone else I just get grossed out about going through ALL of that again?? like I would rather be with him and start all over again. If that were even possible. He cut me off from even trying to be his friend 2 months ago. I feel so alone. I just want to run away and act as if "I" died and create a new identity for myself, brand new me. No history, no nothing. People keep telling me in time well its been months and nothing has happened I still miss him. I still cry after I masturbate thinking my hands are his when I know they aren't. I still pretend hes around me or something like a ghost but he isn't even dead he just is acting like I am to him. Fuck I miss him so much.