Is it normal that i make plans to kill people?
I have high functioning autism. I spend a lot of time alone (i average one real conversation a month and physical contact once a year or two) sometimes I love being alone and sometimes it puts me in such a bad mood. I get extremely sad, sadness turns into anger, anger turns into.. homicidal rage.. Over the years I've learned to control my rage so I haven't hurt anyone (that is innocent) in about 3 years. However the last 6 months or so whenever I get upset and angry I begin to fantasise about killing someone, i've even gone as far as buying the weapons and equipment to do so, researching how killers get caught so i can avoid making any mistakes. I would write down strategies of the kill with a pen and paper. I have to say, whenever I got something for my "kill plan" in the mail it did make me feel a whole lot less homicidal. Not because I was scared of going through with it, it seemed as though running my finger across a brand new 12 inch bush knife calmed me. I'm not sure whether I would actually go through with it right now, but who knows what could happen a couple of years down the line when something really affects me and just changes me. I've just finished calming myself down from wanting to kill someone after a girl hasn't replied for 12 hours, just to show you how extreme i feel my situation is. I'm 6'7 250lbs and i feel, based on things i've done in the past when i was much younger, had much less strength and size and being somewhat trained in martial arts now (I say somewhat because i'm by no means a professional) that i'd be able to kill the average Joe with ease. And that concerns me, I'm very aware of my emotions and the fact it's wrong to want to hurt people, however i can't help it