Is it normal that i'm worried for my mum

64% Normal
3 Comments

My dad has always engaged in extra-marital affairs. He used to beat my mum a lot and years later my mum got a restraining order so he couldn't beat her anymore, He would come home drunk and those nights we wouldn't sleep my brother and I together with maid would try to restrain him. One time my dad even tried to rape my mum, one time he even tried to hit me when I was trying to defend my mum. He got involved with this woman in 2009 and that woman we found later that she had died from AIDS, fast forward to 2011 my dad sat me down and told me that he and mum hadn't had sex in 2 years and this was of course none of my business saying stuff like you kids think I'm the enemy but your mother is also to blame.

This completely destroyed because that would mean that they were having sex when he was still involved with this woman who had died of AIDS this is something that should be none of your business as a kid to be concerned about this type of stuff but later on in the end of 2011 my mum got really sick diarrhea, throwing and she lost a a lot of weight and that's when I began to worry. She gained weight but she isn't the same type of person she used to be she has a lot of rash on her face, she has tummy issues all the time. My dad it's pretty obvious is HIV positive he has profuse diarrhea, he's now a stick and shows all the symptoms I know you can't tell for sure until the person is tested but some things are just visible to the naked eye.

I hate my dad words cannot even begin to describe it. He is the reason why I've never even had a boyfriend because I'm so scared of being hurt, I know all men aren't the same but I can't help the way I feel. One time years ago I found him passed out on my bed with a pant and a T shirt on I didn't know what to make of this I was about 10 years old and I had to call my mum to come get him. We never really spoke about this afterwards.

Sometimes I can't believe this is happening to me I'm only 20 and I'm stressed sometimes I think about it and cry for hours,. why my mum am I being ridiculous. My relationship with her has changed I don't know why. I love my mum so much and she has been a faithful wife to my dad and if her journey is going to end like this infected with HIV by her womanising abusive husband become another statistic? then there is no god surely.

I want to ask her to go and get tested but what would I even say? How do I even bring up such an issue. I'm crying as I type this and I'm sorry if it's too long. What should I do?

Voting Results
64% Normal
Based on 22 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • dinz
    11 years ago

    First of all I'm sorry for the unfortunate set of events that have been bestowed upon you and your mother.

    I'm going to straight to the last paragraph; I know HIV is quite a sensitive topic but we need to bite the bullet now. She could have access to the medicines that will improve her quality of life. You could approach the issue of her getting access to medical assistance by telling her how concern you are and how is this is affecting you. You will need to play strong for Mum and show support.

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  • notbnormal
    11 years ago

    I am so sorry for all of that. How sad. :(

    I have a lot to say here:

    1. Please make your mom go see a Doctor to get checked as soon as possible. Just tell her the truth, about how the lady her husband had an affair with died of HIV and now that you see your mum getting sick you are very worried. It is normal to be worried under these circumstances. But you need to convince her to see the Doctor soon so she can get the right medicines IF she needs it, like everyone else has already said.

    2.Don't worry about not having a boyfriend or being able to trust men in the future, just keep an open heart and when the time is right you will find someone one day that you can trust whom will not hurt you. Believe in that, and don't ever settle for less. Never let anyone abuse you or cheat on you, ever. There are people out there who will treat you well always, and that is who you should wait to find, and you will if you don't accept anything else but the best from men. People allow themselves to continue to be abused for many reasons: financial, physical, mental etc. Maybe you could read up on line about battered women's syndrome to understand your mum's mindset better.

    3. It's okay to cry, in fact it's healthy to let your emotions out, so long as you do everything you can to try and improve your situation.

    4. As for your comment about how there surely can't be a god- you are right in my opinion- there isn't one. How could there be with all these horrible things happening in the world? But that's okay. There doesn't need to be a god because we as people have the power to make the world a better place. It is not up to god- it is up to us.

    5. Talk to someone about this soon. Try and find a therapist you trust. If you don't have money, in some communities there are drop-in centers that will give free counselling. Please look into that. You've had a lot of stress over the years as a young person.

    Good luck to you and your innocent mother. Please take care of yourself, and stay safe. You sound like you remain a good person even with all your obstacles in life. People will respect your courage. Best wishes and be well.

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  • kelili
    11 years ago

    It is not always that an infected person infects another through unprotected sex. It may be that your mom is not infected at all. It must be very difficult for you to face this situation where you are worried for your mom and yet cannot just tell, "Hi mom! I think you are HIV positive, would you mind take a test just in case."

    I dated a guy when I was seventeen and had unprotected sex with him twice. Later I learned that was a heroin addict . During five years I thought that I was HIV positive and at twenty three I finally get tested and found out that I had wasted five years in fear. I had no IST and I was HIV negative.

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