Is it normal that i'm unsure after 5 months of long distance?

78% Normal
2 Comments

I'm 27, living in NJ and working in NYC. I've been trying to pursue an acting career for the past couple of years but things aren't working out so I've decided to move back home to upstate, NY, where my family and close friends are. I've also started seeing a guy up there and I don't really know what to make of it.

My last relationship was horrible, and the worst heartbreak of my life. I never really understood what it meant or felt like to be heartbroken until i experienced it myself. That whole, can't eat, can't sleep, can barely breathe feeling really exists, and it sucked. It took me almost 2 years of my life to get over it and back on track. I was so in love/ or so i thought with someone who simply didn't feel that way back and took advantage and found himself someone else in the process.

So now, i feel like i'm scarred in relationships. I feel like i meet really great guys that want to put in the time and effort with me and i dont know if i just run away because of fear or if im' just not interested. its hard for me to know the difference now. The guy ive been seeing i met through a cousin of mine. He's a great guy, has a lot of the same core values as me, very outgoing and goofy (as I am) and on top of it, is actually very sensative. He's very open with his feelings and i tend to take a step back when that happens. I just dont want to say something until i'm 100% sure of it. I notice sometimes he overcompensates when he has nothing else to say, he reverts to joking...with almost everything. And i feel terrible but it drives me crazy! I told him not everything is a joke and its hard fo rme to take him seriously when i try to have a regular convo with him. he said its something he knows he has to work on. and since we're long distance now, i feel like that has so much to do with it. i feel like you dont get to really know a person til you can spend more time with them. so i'm hoping when i move back home, i'll know sooner than later. but is it a bad thing that little things annoy me when he jokes so much? is that my problem? ive also been super stressed about a lot of changes in my life and its hard to focus on a relationship when i have all of these other worries. i dont' know what to do! i dont want to break it off but i also dont know if its a bad sign of these feelings i'm having. help please!

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78% Normal
Based on 18 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • Ldizzy1234
    13 years ago

    I think it's normal what you're feeling. And I'm sorry about your break up with the previous guy. Since your past bad break up, it's normal for you to approach new relationships with caution. You just don't want to repeat whats happened to you before. But you have to loosen up a little bit. Even though it's hard, you have to get back out there. You don't want to let something slip away that could really be a good thing.

    Maybe this guy does joke a lot, but maybe joking is a kinda comfort for him. You might get used to his joking. You never know.

    When you move back, see how it goes, but don't let him go right away. It might really work out.

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    • italgrl
      13 years ago

      Thanks for the advice...it's so hard to judge or decide what's worth it and what's not, after having gone through something so awful. I think after all that, my patience went down to 0. And i didnt know if i was being crazy about it or not. I didnt know if i'm supposed to feel fireworks for him all the time or not, or if that's even possible after being so hurt before. i feel like my heart wont let me get so obsessed over any guy after that, because i felt like i lost everything. so it's okay to not feel obsessed and crazy about him yet? its been a few months, but all long distance, including when we met. so i feel that the inconsistancy makes it hard. and every time i came close to giving up, he redeemed himself in some way, and something told me not to let go just yet. i guess i watch too much tv and compare tv relationships to real life.

      well enough of my rambling..but i do appreciate you're advice very much!

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