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I am a toilet whisperer. When I get close to a toilet, ANY toilet, it speaks to me. It tells me it's story. IIN?
What sort of stories have they told you? I can't imagine there's much variety for toilets.
My cousin collects socks. He has packs of socks that date back to the 70's, man. It's always creepy visiting his home because I have to pass the "sock room" every time I enter his house. I can feel the socks staring at me, man. They tell me things that I don't wish to hear. At night, they come out of their packages, cover themselves in liquefied Hungry Man dinner plates, and smother me. They refuse to let go of me until I have sniffed their nasty, salty, chickencornbrowniepotato smell. Even after I sniff it, they refuse to let go. They laugh at my humiliation. What's a shampoo bottle to do? Yeah, that' right I'm a discontinued VO5 shampoo bottle. Does it sadden you,? Well, don't be because I smell like Strawberries and Cream. I can make anybody's hair smell like paradise. Screw you, OP! I'm going to Disneyland and there's no way you or any sock can stop me!
Do you know how many socks get shoved down toilets every single day? How many Hungry Man dinners end up in there? How many people have dropped their V05 into the gaping porcelain maw? I know it man, and you don't want to know what I know.
I'd really like to talk to a Disney toilet though.
Really? It must be a... shitty story! (Pun intended)
No, really. What sort of a story could a toilet tell you?