Is it normal that i'm still in love with my ex- boy friend?

I’m 37 married since 12 years, my current husband was the first man I had sex with him one year before our marriage.
I never had sexually experience before, only 4 to 5 French kiss at the age of 20 with the first guy (let’s call him Ex-) that I meet him in the high school party. I thought at the time that I felt in love with him, till I discover that only he needs sex. So we end our relation after a week and I concentrate on my study till I met my husband two years later during part time job where we start dating each other till we fell in love then get married. Three years ago everything changed in our life, our sex relation was reduces to 1/week or 1/10 days even due to many reasons; job, homework, children care, etc. As well the feel of being boring during sex without knowing the reason. Maybe the reason could be that I’m not very well satisfied during sex, especially that when we’re making love I thought to much of the huge dick of the porno actors and posted on the internet, and can’t stop comparing it to the one in me, related to my husband (around 5 inch).
2 years ago, I met one of my oldest high school friends, and we decide to refresh our friendship; we met many times and chat every day, we talk about life and remember the special occasion during high school, and after 6 month we decide to do some outing or picnic in family so her husband, children and mine can meet each others. We agree one day to go spend a hot and sunny Sunday at her chalet near the beach. My biggest surprise was her husband, who was my first guy that I met in the high school party (that I named my Ex- at the beginning). I gasp my stomach grip and my heart bit start accelerating. We change smile and spend all the day looking on each other smiling. The only photo that was getting in mind all the day was the first French kiss that we changed, and the day when he tries to touch my tits and when he put his hand between my legs where I pushed and left. I didn’t stop looking at him and comparing him to my husband. Both were standing near the barbecue wearing the swim suit and talking, he is a tall guy, athletic, muscle developed while my husband is shorter with his big fat stomach. One more thing attracting me and couldn’t stop from pointing on it is his huge dick that you can describe it through his string swim suit. I’m not sure if I my pussy get wet on that day, but I know that every time I think of it right now, my pussy get wet and discharge my liquid. Starting that day I didn’t stop thinking of him especially during sex. Even more I start masturbating sometimes under the shower, and this I have never done before. And I have always a dream and wish to make love with him but afraid from the impact……………….