Is it normal that i'm still in a relationship with a meth addict

16% Normal
49 Comments

My boyfriend is a meth addict I took him to rehab on Friday before he walked in he used Xanax to calm him down and lied to me about doing itI broke up with him for breaking his promise about not using any substance now all he does is cry during our phone calls. I am still willing to be his friend and work through the recovery process with him but I can't be with him because of him lying should I reconsider because I do love him he's my first boyfriend I'm 19 black & hes 24 white this meth has caused him to have sex with a tranny and become aggressive but I'm not as sweet as I seem and I know I do cause him to act out and I literally tell him to hit me and he does but I hit back so I'm not sure what to do at this point please help

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16% Normal
Based on 37 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 49 )
  • LittleGirl-BASHED-and-RAPED
    8 years ago | pl

    Sever all contact with this individual immediately.

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    • _trillian
      8 years ago

      He has no one and If I was in this situation I would want someone to be there for me

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      • Steven Glansberg
        8 years ago

        By that logic you should just go into any random downtown, find a homeless guy and make him your bf because he, too, would have no one and would want someone there for him. Seriously though, you have no obligation to "be there" for anyone but yourself. Theres a lot of fucked up ppl out there, they should not be your problem

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        • _trillian
          8 years ago

          Never looked at it from
          That aspect well this story was from a week ago and Saturday I went to visit with him and did this all day class to understand druggies very informative but I know I cannot leave him alone right now..

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          • NeuroNeptunian
            8 years ago | pl

            You need to. You are 19, you are young, you are innocent, you are naive, you are dealing with a guy who has allowed, yes, ALLOWED drugs to warp his mind and he will abuse you and use you until you are in just as deep of shit as he is.

            I've been in THIS rodeo before and I work with addicts for a living. As much as I love them, I have seen them drag down too many people for me to agree with your logic. Let the fucker hit rock bottom on his own. Leave him behind. You don't need this shit in your life. He selfishly fucked you over while knowing that you shouldn't be dealing with this right now. He is the villain here, you need to gtfo.

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            • _trillian
              8 years ago

              You are so sweet. Like you're a realist and I respect it and you seem so smart I wish I was as strong just to drop him like I know I should

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          • Steven Glansberg
            8 years ago

            Look sweetie, your negroid instinct is telling you to do the wrong thing here (as usual) but you need to rise above and do the intelligent thing and walk away

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            • _trillian
              8 years ago

              I'd feel like such a bitch knowing that I have his debit cards and car and his parents are in Europe it's like i put myself in this shit hole that I cannot get out of until his parents return I'm not going to ignore someone's phone calls when I have their cards and car

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          • Lonely2
            8 years ago

            He's addicted to drugs and your addicted to him...I guess id rather be addicted to drugs, at least you can count on them

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            • _trillian
              8 years ago

              You suck

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          • Ellenna
            8 years ago

            Oh yes you can and if you care about yourself you should: has anything you've done so far changed his behaviour for the better or are you just supporting his addiction by "being there" for him? ALL addicts use other people, it's part of the addiction

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        He's manipulating and using you. Having been in relationships long ago with addicts, I can tell you that you will always come second to the addiction and if you stay with him you will end up as sick in the head as he is

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    8 years ago

    Uhm, you need to leave this guy. I'm 24 myself and I remember being 19 and fucking stupid but you're too young to get involved in this shit.

    Seriously.

    You are only 19 years old. This isn't your battle to fight. This is a grown ass man and if he doesn't want to get his life together then let him walk his own path. You are waaaay to young to even be thinking of staying involved with this asshole.

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    • _trillian
      8 years ago

      He wants me to believe in him and he says he won't be well rather can't be just friends with me.. His counselor said that this is a form of manipulation and he is holding me hostage within our relationship

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      • NeuroNeptunian
        8 years ago

        His counselor is 10,0000% correct.

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        • Lonely2
          8 years ago

          Codependants confuse pity and love...control and caring....they are usually as sick or sicker than the addict because they dont see their problem

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      • Lonely2
        8 years ago

        Ask the counselor why you NEED to be a caretaker...how it builds your self esteem...why you feel inferior around healthy people

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        That counsellor is spot on, listen to him/her

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    • Lonely2
      8 years ago

      Addicts have a disease.....they are in pain as well and usually regret the things they do....codependants also are sick and need treatment or they just get in another codependant relationship..its the EXACT same addiction really...you swing from being the control freak caretaker to the addict....the cycle keeps repeating and can not be broken without treatment

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  • Demarcus
    8 years ago

    He's a meth-head; GTFO while you can.

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  • Tealights
    8 years ago

    This guy doesn't care about you and he's manipulative.

    Continuously crying is meant to guilt the other person into compliance. It sucks because it's extremely effective to those hopelessly in love; however, love isn't a good excuse for being taken advantage of.

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      Spot on 100%

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    • _trillian
      8 years ago

      Not that money matters nor tangible big items do either but he's given me his car to see him his debit cards and things of that such. My mom won't allow me to drive that far in any of her vehicles to see him it's a 2 hour trip and he's given me his to do so and guys LOVE their cars so I thought that was a good thing and thoughtful

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        Yeah, and another way of tying you to him - addicts are very clever and you're falling for it

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      • Tealights
        8 years ago

        Not all men are the same when it comes to their cars. However, if staying with him is what you really want to do despite the cheating, lying, and such just because he let you drive his car and borrow some money, then so be it. Good luck.

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    Oh Lord! You've got to let this one go, girl! Keep messin with him and he'll do some damage that can't be undone. This not a safe relationship!

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    • _trillian
      8 years ago

      I'm so naive. I guess it's because he's my first for a lot of stuff and when he is sober we have a great time

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        And that's what keeps a lot of good people in sick relationships, that sometimes it's ok. You're far too young to be trapped in this situation and you're way out of your depth: get some support for yourself, I suggest Al-Anon, it helped me stop supporting (out of love and the occasional good times) the last addict I was involved with...... oh no, it did for that relationship but then I got too closely involved with a friend who was addicted to alcohol and gambling who still owes me thousands of dollars I'll never see again.

        I loved her very much but in the end I decided (and told her) I would continue to love her from a distance

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        • Lonely2
          8 years ago

          Shes not trapped in the situation...shes trapped in her thinking which helped create the situation...her thinking wont change just because she breaks up with him

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          • Ellenna
            8 years ago

            No, but if she's not around him she may see the situation more clearly. Longterm you're quite right, unless the thinking changes the same pattern will keep repeating itself, that's why I suggested AlAnon

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      • RoseIsabella
        8 years ago

        There will be others, he ain't your last.

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        • _trillian
          8 years ago

          I try to be honest and speak with him that I am indeed single now and I have that option to meet other people and date and so does he but he says that he won't ever

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          • Ellenna
            8 years ago

            Like most addicts, he's talking crap, don't listen to him, listen to that little voice inside that's telling you you deserve much better than this

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          • RoseIsabella
            8 years ago

            Well, that's his issue. Don't let him emotionally blackmail or guilt trip you. Good for you for asserting your singleness!
            ;-)

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  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    You say this addict is your boy friend and has been for some time, yet you expect him to keep a promise to you, especially before rehab? You need more help than he does, sweety. Get yourself to a shrink ASAP!

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    • _trillian
      8 years ago

      I will they all say the same I just try to be optimistic and see the best in people

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    • Lonely2
      8 years ago

      She too young to see it...shell learn the hard way like we all do

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      AlAnon if she can't manage a shrink, because they know all about co-dependence and the games addicts play, plus the games their enablers get hooked into

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      • Lonely2
        8 years ago

        They learn the games but many never learn that they are sick too

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        • Ellenna
          8 years ago

          Unfortunately you're correct, but that doesn't mean non-addicts involved with them don't have the choice to put an end to their part in the games which perpetuate the addiction

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          • Lonely2
            8 years ago

            Co dependency is the real illness ....psychiatry would call it dependent personality disorder...like all the personality disorders it is chronic...almost impossible to cure....if the person is young and seeks help and is serious they can change

            For most people they can at least get a good education and recognize their symptoms and this knowledge can help them make better choices...but the underlying illness is still present

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            • Ellenna
              8 years ago

              I don't agree it's chronic and impossible to cure: especially for women, it's part of our conditioning to take care of others at our own expense and this can be changed with the right support and counselling.

              I don't see it as an illness but a result of societal expectations, being too gullible and trusting and being sucked into the manipulative games of addicts, and we can choose not to be limited by those expectations, to be less gullible and extricate ourselves from the games: I'm not saying it's easy, but it is possible.

              In my case, it was a HUGE shock for me to realise that as much as I may love someone, I have a choice about whether or not I allow myself to express that love in a way that is detrimental to me. In the case of addiction, AlAnon teaches that "supporting" an addict - forgiving them over and over again; helping them out of difficulties of their own making; supporting them financially and all the rest of it - is in fact supporting the ADDICTION.

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  • Flightrisk66
    8 years ago

    @_trillian
    You are I the prime of your life.. You're quite beautiful and you're going to meet alot of young men in your life time that have things on the ball... Positive and attentive to what you need and deserve..... Think about it!!... He's a drug addict!!!... And if he had sex with a tranny... That muthafucka gay!!!..... Do you really wanna spend your young years (fun years) babysitting a junkie faggot!!!? Ijs....... No offense to any homosexuals just tryna make a point.

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  • Geturshittogetherfriend
    8 years ago

    You seem to reply to everyone with something like "I can't leave him that's too mean" which makes me wonder why you posted this question in the first place if you won't take advice. What I think is you know that you need to leave and it's bad to stay, bad that will cause you too much guilt - so you want someone here to absolve you of all guilt that this guy has manipulated you with.

    I'm sorry, but no one here can do that for you, you have to overcome this guilt and feeling bad about ditching him on your own and find you own power. You're asking for help, so if you have the will to get yourself out of this potentially really harmful situation, I believe you could do it.

    I believe in you
    (I created this account specifically to tell you this)

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