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Is it normal that it's impossible for me to have sex with a girl but sex with boys is so great ? The problem is that I only fell in love twice , once with a boy and the other time with a girl. But I don't want to be define as gay. I have nothing against them, but life is so much harder when you're gay... I don't know, please, help me.
Sexuality is not a clear either/or situation. Very few people are strictly homosexual or heterosexual. Think of it like college studies. Most folks have a "major sexuality" i.e. they are attracted to the same gender or the opposite gender. A majority of these people will also have a "minor sexuality" e.g. they might also be attracted to or intrigued by other types of sexuality. I am a man who is mainly attracted to women, but I am also intrigued by lesbians and transvestites. The lesbian attraction has always been there but the tranny attraction happened when I watched a strip show by what I initially thought was a woman but turned out to have boobs and a penis. S/he really turned me on with the act and ever since then I have liked trannies too.
Ironically for you, I will bet my last penny that at least one of your gay-bashing friends will actually be a closet homo. Don't bother telling your immediate family and friends about your feelings. Instead look for some way to go explore your sexuality away from them, but do it safely and don't just melt away at the first boy that bats his eyes at you.
As for love, you will know when you fall in love properly and then you will realise the earlier "loves" were probably crushes.
People don't come out just wanting to be gay. Often it is not a choice, you can't always choose who you are attracted to, but if you're not sexually attracted to girls then you are just not sexually attracted to girls. Being gay is harder than being straight but that is half the battle of life, learning to cope with your differences and those that will be against you for it. It's a sad fact but no matter your sexuality, someone will always find a reason to discriminate.
I hope you figure this out.
The problem is that even my bestfriends looked pretty closed when they speak about gay people.. Always bad jokes and shit, that's pretty horrible. Almost noone know about it. Maybe 4-5 people. But I'm so scared that people begin to know it, because I'm pretty popular and I don't want that to be destroy...