Is it normal that i'm only interested in men who treat me like crap?

32% Normal
39 Comments

I don't understand why, but I've always been attracted to men who treat me like crap. As I'm getting older (early 30's) this is starting to concern me. I really wish I understood the psychology behind it so I can try to reverse this. I rarely like anyone, but when I do, I'm utterly head over heels, will do anything for him, and always get treated like crap.

Voting Results
32% Normal
Based on 116 votes (37 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 39 )
  • StarTeddy
    10 years ago | pl

    Not normal, or healthy. Probably has to do with control and self-esteem issues. I suggest to talk to a therapist about it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    11
    11
      -
    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      Don't listen to this downy.

      What's your number baby?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      -3
      -3
  • SuperBenzid
    10 years ago | pl

    This is a fairly common thing in my experience there is likely no one answer for every woman that finds themselves continually attracted to men that treat them badly. Humanity is rarely that simple, so it could be any number of reasons.

    Maybe you personally see dominant men as a desirable masculine trait but then you find that most people who exhibit the characteristics you are after tend to also come with a lot of baggage and in short treat you like crap. This probably isn't intrinsic to the characteristic but most people who would have treated you better tend not to go in that direction because society tells them it is moral not to.

    Or it could be that you want a journey in which you fix a man into creating your own prince charming. Really it will all be speculation unless people know the intimate details of your life and that is something you are probably unwilling to share online.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    6
    6
  • ygrowup
    10 years ago

    You still have time to change! Good luck with your choices

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Eri03smith
      10 years ago

      Thanks, wish I knew how to change.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Are we gunna Fuck or what?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • kakashisama
    10 years ago

    Yeah. It seems like a lot of women are honestly. (sarcasm) No it's not very normal you should hold yourself in higher regards. Have more self esteem. Put yourself in a relationship with a quality person.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • ryanncollins
    10 years ago

    What the female brain is programmed to like is a male who will be able to provide for and protect you and your offspring. Guys who are jerks exhibit various domineering and "cocky" traits which send signals to the female brain saying "this guy is an alpha male who could provide for myself and my progeny."

    Sort of the same reason girls like guys with cool cars. "He has stuff. He is respected. He will be able to provide for a family."

    But laughably and ironically, these guys are never the responsible ones.

    So, it's normal. But it's not normal.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • noid
    10 years ago

    Please get counseling.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • RoseIsabella
    10 years ago

    It's not normal for a healthy person but for a codependent person with issues it's pretty normal. Maybe it would behoove you to take a break from dating and relationships. My heart goes out to you and I hope you choose to get some help. I think you could really benefit from seeing a therapist and attending Codependents Anonymous meetings. Check out their website http://www.coda.org/

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I see that my previous advice was not appreciated so I will try to explain nicely. I have known girls like this and it is completely illogical thinking, but I do have a couple theories.

    One is perhaps you see guys that act like this as badasses who will be a badass when it comes to sticking up for you. This is not usually true though. They probably do not give a shit about you.
    My other theory is that some girls think they can change the guy, which is completely fucking stupid. People NEVER change for anyone other than themselves. You cannot change anyone.

    Anyone who sets themselves for failure or purposely seek those who hurt them pretty much deserves what they get.
    I realize my opinions are insensitive but I can't help but have no sympathy for the self destructive.

    I cannot think of any reason to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves and even though I will probably get thumbed down again most people really do feel this way.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • StarTeddy
      10 years ago

      Unfortunately what you don't see is that people like these are victims. Perhaps not only to themselves, but also to others who have shaped them to be the way they are. It's not because they're "stupid", even though their actions might be. Most often they can't help it and need your help rather than your scorn, because something is deeply wrong.

      Of course, that's not to say that you MUST care about them...no one can force you to be a compassionate person. But realize that you are, in a way, blaming the victim.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      3
      3
        -
      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        I think I gave good advice because I gave insight into how someone who the op is attracted to would think. The fact is that people who treat other people like that will not give a fuck about your feelings and that's if they aren't even that bad.
        Women who repeatedly think a mean guy will "change" or "care" are only asking for abuse.
        I'm not supporting abuse but I can't feel sorry for someone who seeks it.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • StarTeddy
          10 years ago

          The thing is that that's not always the full story. Sometimes women seek out abusive partners because they themselves grew up in a house where their parents were abusive. People in that kind of situation tend to be stuck in that pattern even if they don't mean for it to happen, because growing up it's what they saw as "normal".

          Something else that could or could not be a product of abuse is low self-esteem. These women don't believe that they deserve love, so they choose people that treat them like they feel they should be treated--like crap. But that's not healthy at all, these women are obviously in a bad state of mind and need help rather than scorn.

          Not just that, but once someone has entered into an abusive relationship it's damn hard to leave. The cycle of arguing and forgiveness can be addicting because of the chemicals the brain releases during the make-up phase. A normal relationship seems boring in comparison, but that's not their fault, that's because they've been a victim to someone and they need help to get out of it.

          Of course, some women are just stupid and can't tell cause and effect...but that's not the whole story. It rarely is. And it's perfectly natural to blame the woman in this situation, after all it's called the "fundamental attribution error"--and it's present in all people from all cultures. We're wired to blame the victim.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          1
          1
            -
          • [Old Memory]
            10 years ago

            There are also plenty of people who grow up with abusive parents who are sensible enough to not put up with peoples shit and have learned to stay away from those types of enviroments.
            You are also missing the point that I am trying to tell the OP that she will NOT change these guys and that they do NOT give a shit about her.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • StarTeddy
              10 years ago

              "There are also plenty of people who grow up with abusive parents who are sensible enough to not put up with peoples shit and have learned to stay away from those types of enviroments."

              So? Not everyone deals with trauma the same way, and I really do hope you're not blaming people with abusive childhoods for not being "sensible enough" to get over it.

              "You are also missing the point that I am trying to tell the OP that she will NOT change these guys and that they do NOT give a shit about her. "

              That's true, I never argued against that. But I get the feeling the OP already knows this but can't help being attracted to them anyway, which is a sign of something dysfunctional going on.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
  • EccentricWeird
    10 years ago

    If I spit on you...?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    I've got a shovel for you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • braintrip
    10 years ago

    no

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Maybe because you're stupid?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -2
    -2
      -
    • robbieforgotpw
      10 years ago

      I will treat them to some crap
      *power fudges his shorts*

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      5
      5
    • Eri03smith
      10 years ago

      If you're willing to give advice or help why comment?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • Eri03smith
        10 years ago

        If you're not willing I mean,

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        3
        3
    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      Ha, I got thumbed down for insulting someone who is pretty much asking for it.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      -2
      -2
  • RomeoDeMontague
    10 years ago

    How about I smack some sense into your fucking head.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
  • EthelBlumpkin
    10 years ago

    You just haven't found the right man yet.

    If you want to find a great guy that will treat you right, I suggest you go to the bar and look for these key traits:

    tribal tattoos, popped collars, slightly sideways trucker caps, extremely tight shirts, orange tans, overly gelled hair, and wearing sunglasses indoors.

    Good luck!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • kyanviado
    10 years ago

    Hey bitch marry me

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Saycheese
    10 years ago

    I really have never understood women like this even though I kind of know what they really are going through. I haven't been in this situation before because I end up walking away from men like this as soon as possible; they have their own issues that are deeper to deal with.

    But from what I can see is that you need to love-yourself better. Figure out what is it from your past that has brought you down to this level of thinking this way about yourself. What fears is it you face?

    Here is this site that has helpful tips and has other sites that can help too:

    <a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Achieve-Inner-Peace" rel="nofollow">http://www.wikihow.com/Achieve-Inner-Peace</a>

    After just reading this site it uplifted me even more.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Ipooprainbows
    10 years ago

    lol this sounds exactly like my mother

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • braintrip
      10 years ago

      agree -_-

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Ipooprainbows
        10 years ago

        awww

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • braintrip
          10 years ago

          well its true though, my dad was a compleat dick

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • Ipooprainbows
            10 years ago

            same with my dad, well he did have his good points..

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • reality84
    10 years ago

    Some people like drama; that is what you may like. I think in my opinion you get kick out of no good men;are you trying to mold them into the man you want them to be?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • bemah
    10 years ago

    huh. not good.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • ants91shearer
    10 years ago

    im a guy who shows no respect for women , but i show respect to what is in between their legs. after im done i blow my load in them with no protection . is this normal

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
      -
    • Jeaneathean
      10 years ago

      Your charm is matched by your mastery of punctuation.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1