Is it normal that i'm obsessing over my boyfriend?

My boyfriend and i have been together for around 8 months. He is ex army, and he's recently got a job in private security. He goes abroad for a few weeks at a time and he's currently halfway through a month long transit. I miss him like crazy and he calls me once every few days, and tells me how much he loves and misses me.
We've been known to argue about trivial things, but a few months ago we broke up for a few weeks and in that time he was with another woman, one of my friends actually. She has recently been telling people that she's in love with him even though she knows we're back together and stronger than ever. But since all that happened, i have been so determined to keep my boyfriend, especially from this particular girl, that i feel in a way that i am obsessed by it. I have a full time job, i go to the gym 3 times a week, i'm keeping myself occupied but in my freetime all i do is panic about the fact that my boyfriend might leave me when he gets home and go back to this girl. I know that i want him, i'm ready to settle down, start a home with him and maybe get married eventually. I understand that it's quite early days, but i can honestly say that i love him. I don't know if i've ever felt this way about anyone before. I think he might suffer from post traumatic stress disorder after being in the army, and he can be a very angry person, and he also has trust issues. I don't know a great deal about his ex girlfriends. I've met a few of them and they've mostly been normal, nice people and i can't help but feel that his anger and jealousy had something to do with the demise of those previous relationships, although that's only an assumption. The reason i don't know too much about his exes is because i really don't want to know, because it'll only hurt me. I'd rather the past be the past and we can live in the present.
Okay, that's the background and the whole reason i'm posting this is because my friends are telling me that i'm obsessed. I think about him constantly, i don't want to go out when he's here because i want to spend time with him, i will let him get away with murder, so long as he doesn't leave me. He left me for one of my friends, then realised he made a mistake, and i was there waiting for him. This could be something that some people find unforgivable, i just want to be with him, no matter whats happened between us. It's like a constant battle. I'm in a position now where i don't know what to do, it's easy to say that i need to stop worrying about him leaving me, but i feel like i'm going to be spending the rest of my life, or the rest of our relationship, desperately trying to prove why i'm better than this girl, and making sure he doesn't go back to her.

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64% Normal
Based on 44 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

    If you'll let him do ANYTHING as long as he doesn't leave you..... it sounds like you're in a serious problem.

    Especially since he already broke up with you to sleep with someone else. Obviously your relationship didn't mean as much to him.

    do not be a doormat.
    if you think you're life will end if he leaves you, and you let him do ANYTHING he wants then... you'll find that your life will consist of you groveling for the scraps from his table like a dog.

    a man who really loves a woman doesn't treat her like a dog. he treats her like she's the best thing that ever happened to him

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  • TyLee

    Ok. I have been exactly there. I know that what you are going through is not fun. Be realistic. You will probably never truly forgive him or be ok about what he did. It will eat away at you. You can't trust him now and you are making yourself sick obsessing over his ex, probably checking his phone and email (or at least wanting to), and you are afraid to leave him alone or turn your back for a minute. I was there and let me tell you it doesn't end until you find something bad (like him cheating or sexting or whatever) and then it only gets worse! I dated this guy for two years then he left me for another girl then 6 months later he came back to me. I can honestly say my one of my greatest regrets is that I got back together with him. The whole thing destroyed me and our relationship was never the same. Things got very bad! So really think about if you can get past this and if you can really trust him again. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but I just thought I would give some perspective from someone who has been there.

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    • Cessypants

      I'm on the same situation. :(

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      • STFU23

        me aswell :(

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      • TyLee

        I'm sorry to hear that. It really sucks, but I try to think of it like it doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do because you are there checking up on him. What matters is that he would do something shady if he had the opportunity so that makes it almost just as bad. You have to let go and live your life. (i stayed home from class, quit my job, and even moved in just to "babysit" him and it's really no way to live.) Try to feel better and please consider moving on and setting yourself free of this.

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  • Faceless

    Holy shit. Long ass story, long ass comments. I didnt read any of them. haha.

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    • STFU23

      (lol)ed to this haha

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  • pem24

    TBH dear, you're getting into the hall of martyrdom. Have you ever thought of re-reading your story? It's all about him, him, him, and him! Your feelings were mostly projected on justifying your bf's actions, and sets behind what you deserve. Be friendly to YOURSELF. Nothing's easy and don't think you're alone, but its better to move your ass out of that relationship before these morbid thoughts eat away your heart and soul.

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  • joybird

    It's only been 8 months so you are in the lovey dovey stage. Please do not consider marrying this man coz I guarantee that you will not feel the same way in 8 years!! These anger and cheating qualities of his are NOT good qualities in a bf never mind a husband. No wonder so many marriages end up in divorce if there are women like you prepared to put up with this shit.

    Consider all the men with famous gorgeous women who cheat with the plain fat nannies! Why? The nannies are more 'interesting' than their gfs who obsess about their looks / press or whatever.

    Obsession is not attractive!! Confidence is!!

    To appear more attractive to him don't put up with his anger or any other crap! You should be of value to yourself and then to him.

    Please put yourself first and then you will find her will put you up on a pedestal. Men are like little boys who are frightened of someone else taking their toy - so maybe you should date other guys too.

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  • lease

    From a guy's perspective: My girlfriend is being SO clingy and is up my ass every waking moment. I'm going to distance myself.

    You're not over the fact that he hooked up with someone you knew. You shouldn't be. Want him to respond to you better? Get real!! We'd (guys) would rather be told how you feel than have you all pent up and psycho.

    I'm not trying to be mean to you, I'm saying you're like every other girl that let's a guy get away with anything and silently fumes over it. Man that gets my blood pressure going... Here's a sample dialogue:

    You: I'm pissed that you slept with my friend, but I'll get over it.
    (translated: I'm pissed that you slept with someone and I'll never forget it)

    Him: Ok
    (translated: Cool. She'll get over it and everything will be fine)

    So, either get the fuck over it and find something else to do to occupy your mind - or break it off now instead of annoying the hell out of him for the next several months until you explode.

    I'll tell you, with 100% certainty, that if he's been to war and/or suffers PTSD from it, he doesn't have time to give a shit about little things that annoy you - or your needs. He needs to blow off some steam and get back to square-one, which doesn't include an obsessive girlfriend.

    You can't prove you were the better girlfriend by forgiving him and showering him with attention. Obviously, if he left you for your friend, he didn't think you were better!! So then, ditch him. Then drop your jealousy issues.

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  • Dad

    Obsession is NOT love.
    Hope you get over it soon.

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  • SplendorInTheGrass

    I understand what you are going through. I have been in a relationship long ago like yours. I forgave the guy everything--even prison! In the end he only took advantage of me and and my kindness and broke my heart. Looking back I realized that it was a sense of competition--of wanting to win SOMETHING that made me feel like I could put up with him. In the end I won nothing. I lost my self-respect and sense of self. Only when I let him go, did I begin to find peace and feel like I did not have to compete. That's what makes us hold on so much to things...we are so afraid of losing that we fight the fear and do stupid things and put up with stupid things all because we want to win against others...when it doesn't even really matter. It's not worth it.

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  • Aw I'm sorry to hear that too. I can tell you really do love him and that you wanna be with him for as long as possible I mean why else would you be careful not to loose him again? and I just hope that he loves you just as much. As for this other woman who claims that she 'loves' him, well you can tell her to back off and that he is yours. I mean like I wouldn't let any other girl take my boyfriend.

    But if he really does love you, why would you need to prove him that you're better than her and stuff and this thing with him having trust issues, you don't need all that.
    I can't say anymore than I already have because I obviously don't know much about you and your boyfriend in person... but from what I can tell, just make sure he is worth it for you.

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  • SEWnanist23

    If you feel obsessive ask your Doctor for some Luvox or Celexa.

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  • DefinitelyNotNormal89

    You are worth so much more then some prick who left you for your friend (some friend btw!)
    The only reason he is treating you like shit is because you let him and he will continue to do so until you put your foot down.
    I feel so sorry for you as you love him BUT there's someone out there who will love you back and not come and go as he pleases!
    You should not have to prove you are better then this girl, he should love you for who you are, you've only been with him 8 months and you're fighting for his attention?
    What people say on here will not affect your decision, they might help you see a little clearer but you'll stay with him until one day how he treats you will hit you like a tonne of bricks and you will just have enough and leave, let's hope it's sooner than later as you deserve more.

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