Is it normal that i'm not sure who i am.

I know my name and blah blah all that.. but like who am I?
I go to a boarding school in Europe, far from my home country in Asia. I don't have that many real friends. I seem to be in ease with people only if I want. I have had so many different "best friends" all my life, then as time goes by, we just seem to lose contact. why is no one genuine?
I used to have two boyfriends in my school. They are still currently deeply in love with me.. i seriously what they see in me because I really am not even THAT pretty.. lol or nice and all that. I have trouble getting along with people sometimes because I think too much. and I underestimate what people do.. everything just seems so pointless but once we take those things out, I have no one to be with and nothing to do. sure, i'll soon go to colloege..then graduate, then get a job then thrive to make money, then get old then die. like seriously,, i don't see the point of living. im so lonely yet i feel so heartless. i tried to commit suicide and leaving a note but then i thought about my dad and sister being heartbroken over me which would bug them for the rest of their lives. they dont deserve such misery over a person like me so i decided to keep myself alive. but i just don't know what to do with my own self. this universe is too big and our lives are too short to endure a real pleasure. at least for me... as i've mentioned before, im not even sure who i am and why i am even alive. by having all these thoughts, am i the only one who thinks this way? anyone wanna join me lol

Voting Results
62% Normal
Based on 45 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • kemosabi4

    Just express yourself. Find a way to outlet your thoughts to the outside world. Even if no one falls to their knees and praises your achievements, at least they'll know that you're there. I feel like this sometimes too, but all you can do is keep being yourself and take some risks occasionally.

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  • TheSecret

    It's normal but not at the same time. I mean it's normal to have these thoughts, but at the same time you should think about seeing a therapist. That could really help like figure yourself out and make you happier.

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  • PoooBah

    The most scary thing in life is one day looking at yourself and realizing you aren't who you thought you were. It happens sooner or later.

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  • gogo45

    I have and still feel that way to sometimes. I think what your doing is putting your insecurities onto others as in you think that they are thinking bad things about you, when there really not. I would say talk to someone who you feel that you can trust and open yourself up to release these feelings. These feelings and thoughts are toxic and don't belong in your body.

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  • TrippleDPR

    i think alot of people will underestimate and claim to understand what how you feel, adn i think thats the worst part of it. that whenever, if you ever, tell someone tehy always say, oh yeh i know what you mean, but in reality they dont. Obviously just going by what you say and not knowing who you are, no one can ever say tehy understand, so when people on here say yourl grow out of it, thats not necesarily true. it soudns to me like you shuld read some philosophy, adn turn your pesimism and cynicism into an attempt to answer teh questions you seem to ahve no answers to. thats why im doing a philosophy degree, obviously you dont ahve to do that, just read stuff in your own time. Theres only two things you can do, but difrent ways to react to those options.
    You can either accept that you feel like this and continue being unhappy, or accept it and find a way of making happiness or contentment out of it. or teh second option is to seek help, although all yourl get then is so called professionals talking their pre-determined bullshit abotu how youre 'ill' and 'depressed' and will try to treat you with counsilling and or drugs.
    i can genuenly say i understand you, and i sought help and it was all shit, the drugs they gave me made me psychotic, and teh recreational drugs made it worse. eventually i came to terms with who i am and just cant wait until teh afterlife because that can only be better...

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    • TrippleDPR

      or, lol, it could just be a phase and you will feel like this until you (again cliche) find that special somone, or thing that you love

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  • Painful1

    I've had those feelings before but only as a side effect of being worried about something important to me.

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  • YBNormal

    You're normal, and I wish I could say that as time goes by you'll find yourself and these feelings will pass, but the truth is, they may or they may not. Mine never have.

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  • huBelial

    I used to feel like this at one point in my life. But it was very brief and I think it will be the same for you.

    (:

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