Is it normal that i'm not allowed to move out at 25 years old?

17% Normal
19 Comments

My mom is a single parent, my sister is dorming in college, and I recently started working full time. My mom retired early because of work related injuries, and is currently dealing with a different host of health issues -- so at the moment, I'm starting to support the family financially. So obviously, I know the right thing to do as a daughter is to give back.

However, it gets complicated -- my mom is super controlling and doesn't understand what boundaries are. She also doesn't acknowledge my feelings about things or the fact that I'm an adult now and that there are certain decisions that I could be making on my own, big or small. (And yes, she micromanages me a ton). And coming from a traditional Chinese/Taiwanese family, moving out is completely out of the question. But I feel that to preserve my sanity, I really have to. Yet as you guys read, there is so much red tape involved.

Is this normal? That I'm still stuck at home with mom at 25, not allowed to move out, though technically I suppose even if I wanted to, it'd be a bad idea for the time being? I guess maybe I'm trying to find some validation that I'm not completely missing out on living life, and that what I'm doing is worth it.

Voting Results
17% Normal
Based on 122 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 19 )
  • suckonthis9
    12 years ago

    Have you considered sending your mom to an Elder Care facility?

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    • aussiewolf
      12 years ago

      hahahah i read that as "selling your mum". wow i am tired lol

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      • suckonthis9
        12 years ago

        Now there's a novel thought, selling your parents when they get old, cranky and unruly.

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    • AtWitsEnd
      12 years ago

      To be honest, I don't want to send her to any sort of elder care/convalescent home if I can help it. It's quite a depressing place there, but I don't know what the future holds.

      And she's not that old yet -- she's only 50 something and is still able to do plenty of things on her own.

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      • suckonthis9
        12 years ago

        Please keep this in mind:
        You are at a stage in your relationship with your mom where the roles are reversing.
        You still see yourself as the daughter, and your mom still sees you as your mother. You will need to take charge of the situation soon. You will need to recognize that you are now in the mother role and you will have to treat your mom as if she is your daughter.

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  • indian22
    9 years ago

    I somewhat understand your problem I was raised by my grandparents and still live upstairs at 22 to help them. I know other people who never had this sort of issue who don't understand that you feel obligated to try and help any way possible. My reason is my grandparents are in their 70's and we live in the country things are harder physically out here with just about everything. I have some troubles that present themselves by living with them still and its not like i can't leave I just wouldn't leave my grandparents without the physical help of shoveling snow for example. My grandfather has some health problems too and it would kill me to not be here if he needs me for anything. Also, I understand how it hurts other relationships and can be very hard. You want freedom but still are obligated by your beliefs and heart to stay, help, and honor your mothers wishes. I don't have a solution for this because I feel almost the same way and still stay to help no matter what but your not alone with your problem. You will find someone who gets it and hopefully can help you come to some middle ground where your still honoring your family beliefs but are also happy in the life you live. Good luck.

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  • countrybumkin
    12 years ago

    ha ha "in America" at 18 you can fight a war, vote, move out of home, hey will ya slip down the bottle-o and pick me up some beer, oh sorry will have to get an aussie to do that i love the land down under

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  • DarkAngel212
    12 years ago

    MOVE OUT. I was in a similar situation. You will lose yourself if you stay with her. It is YOUR life. Do what InvadingPotatoLeader said

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  • The_foz
    12 years ago

    I had a friend in a very similar situation, controlling mom with health issues, had no cares for anyone else's feelings. Finally my friend packed up and moved out. Her mom was pretty pissed for a little while but she got over it and eventually even admitted she was wrong for what she did.
    My friend was beginning to lose her mind living there, she was making all the meals, doing all the cleaning plus had a full time job.
    By the sounds of it, the only way you can be happy is by taking that control out of her hands and putting it into your own, pack up, ship out, she'll get over it.

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  • Alittlecoconut
    12 years ago

    move out, you're losing years you'll never get back.... go to school or something

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  • karmasAbich
    12 years ago

    Well.. personally, you can take this however you want, but.. you can do whatever you want to do. Your mother shouldn't be putting that on you when your trying to get your life started.
    In order for her to stop, I think you should gradually distance yourself. Talk to other members of your family about it, and find a nice compromise, a medium ground. So it isnt so over bearing. Good luck

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  • ThatKidTotallyRocks
    12 years ago

    I feel the same way. My parents are way to overprotective and controlling. I'm nearly 24 by the way.

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  • Avant-Garde
    12 years ago

    Can't you find another relative to take care of her? You shouldn't have to whittle your life away because of her. Tell her that you're an adult and that you control your life, not her.

    Can you go to college? That way, you could move out and live in the dorms. You could get a side job and send some money to her if you want. But, you'll still be free to live your life.

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  • Fozmula
    12 years ago

    You know, you can move out.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    The idea of living away always seems great but consider the reality of having to do all your own chores and maybe being lonely / scared.

    Perhaps you could spend more time out of the house in the evenings, round at friends / cinema etc and come home a bit later so she won't have time to micro-manage you. You are to be applauded for helping your mom out at this time as so many young people forget everything that was done for them and the sacrifices that were made.

    Everything will work out for you when the time is right. In the meantime, tell her to worry more about her own health and to take care of herself, as you don't need her to worry about you ;o)

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  • ChasingAfterPond<3
    12 years ago

    I understand that she needs your help, but that does not give her the right to control your life. Every bird needs to spread its wings and fly and your mum has to see that. It is not normal that she isnt allowing you to move out, although you technically can.

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  • Trollbert
    12 years ago

    You'r 25,It's your fucking life,tell her you can do what you want.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    This is f***ed up. I don't know where you live but in America you have every right to leave once you are 18. I actually don't know if theres a country where your not. You are letting your mom control you. Stand up for yourself and stop letting yourself be controlled. It's pathetic.

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    • InvadingPotatoLeader
      12 years ago

      "in America" dude please.... she isn't saying it's against the law to move out.. her mother just doesn't want her to move out. Besides nobody cares, the world doesn't rotate around America..

      To the OP: I think you should tell her you're an adult now and you won't stay there forever, as much as you love her and how grateful you are for being looked after and raised by her.
      And you will always be there for her even if you don't live there anymore, financially and as a daughter.
      Hope this helps good luck with it anyway ;D

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