Is it normal that i'm incapable of ignoring fault?

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Recently I've had a lot of arguments with a lot of people, and as a result I've started cutting a lot of friends out of my life, whether it's because they've been bad friends or I just literally hate them.

As a result, I've become increasingly disillusioned with my remaining friends, I'm completely incapable of ignoring their faults like I used to and it's making me want to isolate myself, I've just come out of a solid two weeks of not leaving the house and not talking to anybody.

My friends aren't even remotely bad people, it's just that they all have common flaws in their personalities that I'm incapable of forcing myself to ignore.

I don't think it's even because I think I'm better than them, I don't feel superior to said people, (Except for occaisional instances) but everybody else I'm just either incredibly disappointed with simply for having flaws, or just plain bored with for being ordinary. Not even I am immune from my own criticism, I have a ton of severe personality flaws that I struggle with day to day that I constantly take note of but rarely try to change.

Long story short, is it normal to despise ordinary people for not being better? To be utterly incapable of ignoring fault of any kind? And if it is, is there any advice I could follow to help me connect with people? I try empathising with people but it's becoming more and more difficult recently.

Post Script: There are only two people I don't feel this way about, they both have Genius level IQs and they've both attended schools for people with uncommonly high IQs, they are the only two people I've ever known who I respect completely. Somehow I don't think that's a coincidence.

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Based on 13 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Everyone, including the most intelligent individuals, have faults - this is something you will never ever be able to avoid seeing in others.

    Perhaps you could try accepting, instead of simply ignoring, character imperfections in people. If people didn't have their flaws, there would be no room in their lives for growth: flaws are an essential part of human development. Our faults remind us of our potential and of what sets us back, without them we could not grow.

    Exercise compassion, which will allow you to see people for who they currently are and who they could become. And remember, a person is not defined solely by their faults, so it's not cool to focus on them as if they were.

    You said, "Not even I am immune from my own criticism, I have a ton of severe personality flaws that I struggle with day to day that I constantly take note of but rarely try to change."

    Maybe you are hard on others because you are so hard on yourself. Why does it bother you so much that you have flaws? Do you expect yourself to not have them? Did someone important in your life criticise you and deny you acceptance when you were younger? Have you internalized their criticism/intolerance of you (or others) and now apply it to how you view others and yourself?

    P.S. Your genius friends have faults too, they are just more clever about hiding them from others and you.

    Personally, I think I'd prefer knowing the whole of a person's character, to only knowing the aspects which are most appealing.

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    • KayDeeBee
      11 years ago

      In answer to the third to last paragraph. I guess I've always had low self esteem and have just generally felt inferior to other people, and it only worsened last year when my then (and only to date) girlfriend broke up with me precisely because I wasn't good enough for her to like me. Amongst other reasons.

      I did used to try to be compassionate, lots of the people I mentioned at the start as having cut out of my life were all people I tried my best to be compassionate towards, I noted their problems and told them that I would do my best to help them, and then time after time they all proved to be morons who compassion and friendship are wasted on because they don't accept either, even though they asked for it.

      Example of one person who I'm trying to cut out of my life. It's this guy that I knew. One day, he spoke to me, telling me he was going to commit suicide, I thought this guy was my friend and I did my utmost for three solid days to talk him out of doing this awful thing, and at the end of it all.....the problem that had driven him to that point magically fixed itself, he walked off nice and happy. I then discovered that he was never going to commit suicide when I noticed that the cuts he claimed to have dug into himself were nowhere to be found. The net gain for that act of compassion was me thinking for a couple of hours that somebody had killed themselves because I was a worthless friend who couldn't help with their problem when their life literally depends on it, and the guy in question had gotten back the girlfriend who had broken up with him at absolutely no cost, I think they're engaged at the moment.

      Ever since then I started to notice similar traits in other people, because when I say 'flaws', I mean flaws that they are aware of and yet are actively fighting improvement of, like making repeated bad decisions which I can always clearly see them steering themselves into, or not having any compassion for others themselves. I can't see myself being friends with such self destructive people because they're just not good people at all. And it horrifies me that I'm starting to see the same traits in some of the people I thought I liked.

      I understand that some people deserve compassion, in facts lots of people deserve compassion, but I keep meeting people like that who aren't worth a shred of empathy. That's the main reason I can't empathise and ignore faults anymore, because I've met half a dozen people like that that make me think that all my friends have huge flaws that are eventually going to be a detriment to themselves and everybody around them, including me.

      I want to believe there are good people in the world, but they're making it very difficult, they have to be worth compassion before I invest any.

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  • Paradiddle
    10 years ago

    This is a great question. Honestly, I know I have faults too, everyone does. But my faults don't involve other people. I'm lazy and needs to put forth some initiative towards some of my goals but when it comes to being a good friend, I try my darned best to be a great one. I listen, offer advice if I can and don't show half concern for my friends so when I get less treatment, I consider it a major flaw.

    For example, whenever my friends are suffering from a bad time and tell me, I try to stop what I'm doing and listen to them, I know what its like to feel down. From the same friend, whenever I'd like someone to listen to me, I may get passive and uncaring short responses during my time of need. How is that being a friend? I have one friend who cares about education and perfection so much that she can push away friends and seriously stress herself out but she KNOWS it. Another friend lashes out at their friends when feeling down and another keeps looking for rebound relationships even though he just got out of a really bad one and needs to slow down a bit. He admitted it was because of the void he feels but its not the best thing to do.

    I also don't care about IQ, book smarts to me doesn't mean a thing if you can't handle your life or conversation well. All that said, I don't take these things "that" seriously and I know people can make mistakes, I make them too. As for despising people for being ordinary, I do NOT agree with that. Everyone you meet doesn't have to be a genius or have extreme talents in order to be a justifiable human or friend, that leans towards being an elitist and being ordinary isn't a fault.

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    • KayDeeBee
      10 years ago

      I understand what you mean, I think 'despise' is a pretty powerful and negative emotion for something as harmless as ordinary, I honestly wish I could ignore the fact that negative and boring qualities exist within all people, I know it's an awful thing to say, but it's not something I think, it's something I feel.

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