Is it normal that i'm in love with this man but dating another?

73% Normal
6 Comments

I'm still madly in love with my ex(let's call him Fred). Background: we are pretty much perfect togather, I love being around him talking to him he makes me happy and he feels the exact same way. We dated for about 2 years then this past summer his friends girlfriend (let's call her wench) played the "he said she said" bull with us knowing how to push Fred's buttons so he would break down. (why? We dont know) We were going through a rough patch because of his fire fighting stuff and grieving the loss of our baby but we were getting through it just fine. Well he broke down because wench told him all these lies she "found out from a friend" about me and she said similar things to me about him. It was rough but we always came back to each other and the fire was still burning. But I handled my depression in a very bad way; started drinking and slept with my friend(calling him bob) I know I did wrong I regret it painfully(Fred and I were broken up at this point) well somewhere along the line Bob and I started dating. And for the past few months Fred and I have been working on things and it's been amazing with him and we want to get back together...but now I have a boyfriend. How do I break up with bob? He is an amazing guy just not the one for me.

Voting Results
73% Normal
Based on 22 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Nathanielx
    11 years ago

    Let's start out with Wench being as she is. Have you and Fred talked to Freds buddy, about what his girlfriend have been doing? If not, go do it.
    If Freds so called "friend" doesn't atleast try to do anything about it, then he isn't a real friend, and should be treated as such.
    If I had been the friend of Fred, this would have been enough reason for me to dump my girlfriend, no matter how long we had been together.

    Also, yes, you were probably wrong in sleeping with Bob, and it's only natural if Fred will have trouble trusting you for a little while. Not that he won't trust you, more that he's scared you'll cheat on him. But Fred needs to accept the fact that you were on a break, and therefore you had the right to sleep with anyone you damn well wanted to.
    Don't force this acceptance on him, though. Let him take it at his own pace, and be sure to assure him when he needs it. Let him know that you can be trusted, like.. If you have a "date" with one of your male/female friends, and you go to meet them in town, leving Fred alone at home, then send him a text, doesn't need to be a long one, just the text should be enough to remove his insecurity. Letting him know that you're actually with your friend, and telling him good the cake is at that café you just visited.
    This way, your bond of trust will quickly return to normal.

    Now, back to breaking up with Bob. Yeah, sure, Bob is a great guy, I'm a great guy too, doesn't mean that I have this illusion that any woman would want me. Try looking at another couple, and just think: That girl must have been through atleast a few guys, before she found the right one.
    That's just how it is, and guys are aware of that fact too. So telling Bob the truth, is by far the best, hopefully Bob will merely see it as Freds "victory" (not that you're a price to win), and then wish the two of you luck. Bob might be sad for a while, but this is only normal, you dumped him, remember? Well, you shouldn't feel bad about that, though you shouldn't act like you don't care either, just let him know what you think of him, and that you can't help your feelings, he'll get over it, just like he got over that other girl that dumped him last year. Be honest with Bob, be honest with Fred, but most of all, be honest with yourself.
    Once you get back together with Fred, it'll all work out, if you just talk about things.

    I wish you the best of luck, and have my fingers crossed that everything works out for you, Fred, Bob, and Wench.

    Much love,

    - Nathan

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    I'm thinking..... You're trying to patch it up with the ex while you're dating someone else?

    you want to know how to break up with him? Tell him the truth. Tell him that you patched it up with the ex while you were dating him.

    He'll be hurt. He'll likely feel like you used him.

    But remember, this is about making HIM feel better about the breakup - not making yourself feel better for it.

    Cos you'll walk away from this knowing.... this is what you do to others when you play games with love.

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  • justina5565
    11 years ago

    you should tell him. if you dont love him then staying with him will only make it worst. The longer you wait the more painful its going to be. I am all for love so be with the one you love.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    And I love snuff, but I can't have that either.

    So too bad, we can't have our cake and eat it or some shit........

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  • fartonmyface
    11 years ago

    Honesty is always key to everything. Just tell him the truth. It may hurt him more at first but it will help him down the line. If you care for someone, you tell them the truth.

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  • emi_sue280
    11 years ago

    Tell him the truth. What you just said on here.

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