Is it normal that i'm happiest when i'm depressed?

I know what you mean.

Once upon a time I had a psychotic episode. My mom's Schizophrenic so I've always been afraid of ending up like her but sometimes I wish it would happen to me again and I don't know why.

Maybe you feel comfortable being depressed? It might be hard to adjust when you're use to feeling a certain way for awhile.

intense emotions can be exhilarating, even the negative ones.

Im kinda the say way,when i get depressed i like staying depressed its weird. I listen to depressing music and for some weird reason think of scenarios in my head that make me more angry and depressed,its fucked,but im also bi polar too.

You feel that you dont deserve happiness and even when you are happy you do not allow yourself to enjoy it. I think you need to figure out the true reason for this. Some common reasons are:
Self loathing, self hatred
you enjoy being a martyr because it gives you attention,
Jelousy,

If you enjoy being depressed and alone you will only attract that into your life and the possibility of being happy slowly dissapears. Just be sure this is what you want because happy people will eventually dissapear out of your life.

There can be medical reasons, but..... be careful as a lot of people like to use medical reasons as a crutch to be miserable. Good luck.

I can partially relate to this because I take some pleasure in sadness. For me happiness cannot exist without some form of misery behind it. I don't know if this reaction to happiness is normal but I have met others like us.

Wow! This is absolutely not normal. It's normal to sometimes be unhappy, it's human, but, to want to be unhappy is not. You should get some help and medication isn't always the answer. Talk to a professional. Talking to a 3rd party that knows nothing about you can hell you figure out what is really going on. People like you want to be thus way for attention but it gets old and super annoying so eventually you will get no attention at all.

I feel slightly the same.

I feel this way too. I remember when I was younger I refused to be put on medication. Somehow, my family/doctor found out that being sad made me happy and they flipped out on me and treated me like a freak.

I suggest bringing this up with people you can trust.

Ambivalence.

what a bunch of horseshit.
you do not enjoy being sad and miserable it is just that you forget how real happiness feels like and not being able of really takinf that back, also because people aeound you are not exactly a cheer up, they bring you down every single time just to get a kick out of it, you rather settle in acceptance mode thinking that accepting that sadness makes it more bearable, limiting the impact it has on both your lives and others.
You also think that it should somehow make you stronger but really it just makes you a prick. Whether your friends think your sad face and whatever you do as you have these sad moments is cool, it does not matter. you are still a tricky choky prick soon to be a middle aged sad burlap sack nobody will want around except for your idiotic sadistic friends who laugh even if the ass getting kicked is yours and the shitty situation they created is affecting you as well.
So DEAL!