Is it normal that i'm depressed every night and energetic in daylight?

8 Comments

I'm straight male. Almost 21 years old. For almost 4 weeks, I always feel depressed at night, then, when I wake up in the morning, I feel alive.

When i'm depressed, I suddenly feel that I'm worthless, nothing, so common, friendless, and lots of negativities that most of them I can't recognize but I'm aware that those are negative auras. I Just want to lay my body forever. Then this past few days, I feel like those negativities were leveling-up. I'm starting to think of death but not suicidal. I remember thinking of "what if I have an uncureable disease?" and then I, unaware, answer my thought with "I will kill myself". Then I begin picturing myself holding a gun pointing in my head, jumping down from the roof top, drinking lots of hazardous chemicals.

Then everytime I wake up, I don't mind of what I'm thinking the night after that. I feel stupid because I thought about that. I feel like I should be alive. I'm happy. I have no problem when they are asking/commanding too many things in me. Off course I get tired, but after few minutes, I want to move again. Well, I'm not that energetic, though I want to move. But along with this, I easily get mad/irritated for some reasons, most of the time, minimal. Sometimes I want to explode and find reason to make crazy things. Happy. Irritated. Happy. Irritated.

I feel like.... there's a needle torned in my chest.... But no matter what i do, I can't find it... or maybe... there are really no needle.

additional info:
-I think too much that most of them i can't recognize
-during depressive times, I recall things that i don't want to be recall.

I want help, but I can't rely with my family for some apparent reasons. So maybe here.

Am I suffering with something serious?
Is this normal?

no 14
maybe 14
yes 19
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Comments ( 8 )
  • DolphinAngel
    11 years ago

    What the fuck is wrong with the mods these days?!

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    • punkin89
      11 years ago

      What is a mod

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      • DolphinAngel
        11 years ago

        moderator

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  • punkin89
    11 years ago

    I feel exactly the same way, but usually I feel better at night and when I wake up I have all these awful thoughts. My brother did too until he killed himself last year. I think about him and then I just want to do what he did, but I know I can't. Couldn't do something so selfish. I know my mind is just fucking with me. You just have to keep busy. Don't let your negative thoughts get the best of you. What do you do? Like for fun or work or school?

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    • adrianhansen1212
      11 years ago

      ohh... i'm so sorry to hear/read that (about your brother)... like you... i know i can't do that thing... but as time goes by... it's getting stronger and stronger.... but i'm keeping in my mind that i'm too coward to that sort of thing....

      none... managing a small enterprise.... i'm preparing to back to college (i shifted lot of courses in college... but i know i'm ready to go back).... i'm not that sociable... but don't advice me to socialize because it's too cliche.... but i'm trying... and i know it has nothing to do of how i feel right now...

      nothing fun... maybe my thought is right about me... that i'm worthless, my life's nothing. well, where else could i rely to... it's my thought.. it is inside me.. it knows me better than somebody else...

      i hope we can get over this f__cking thing....

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  • punkin89
    11 years ago

    Oh and I wasn't going to tell you to be social. I'm probably the least social person I know, but being around the very few people I really do care for does help sometimes. Its a distraction and like I said you need to keep busy. Its boredem that brings the demons out in me. Too much time to think is never good. I don't know if anything I said really helps or makes you feel better, but it helps me...

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    • adrianhansen1212
      11 years ago

      it makes sense... well thank you very much

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  • punkin89
    11 years ago

    You aren't a coward. You are strong for staying and enduring the pain. And there is something in your life worth living for, you may not have found it yet..but you wouldn't still be here if you didn't have some sort of hope for the future. The strength to survive overpowers the desire to give up. I don't know if I read that somewhere but it just popped into my head. You are capable of doing anything you want with your life. Just keep telling yourself you ARE worth something. You will never get better if you keep telling yourself you aren't good enough. You are!!I struggle with this every day...all day. It feels like I have a demon inside me just clawing up my insides,always trying to make me give up. I can't let him win can I?

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