Is it normal that i'm black but am not attracted to black guys?
I'm 19 .
I'm a black girl.
I don't want to date a black guy.
I guess I feel less attracted to them because I've been hurt by so many and they just seem like jerks who like to play childish games. I had to file 2 sexual harassment cases at school and it hurt so badly! Also, I feel like we don't have the same interests. I don't know. I feel racist but I haven't found one that I would date yet . It's just like sometimes when I talk to a black guy, I don't feel like a human being. But holding conversations with White guys, Chinese guys, Hispanic guys and Indian guys I feel like they're listening and paying attention and don't just see me as an object. I feel like when I'm talking to one of those guys, its like someone is giving a big hug. I feel respected as opposed to the harsh disrespect I feel from black guys.
I also feel we don't share any similar interests in much, arts, hobbies, lifestyle, etc.
I just haven't seen one with a kind heart . I can't even articulate how I feel right now. I know not all of them are jerks, but most of them are. And it means more to me to have similar interests and beliefs that physical attraction. Some times at the thought of me being with a black guy makes me want to puke. I feel so bad. I feel like I'm letting what happened in the past hurt my future, but it hurts to much even to think about it. The pain makes me sick. I wish I could move on.