Is it normal that i'm being so judgemental about her drug use?

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9 Comments

Recently I've found out about my ex-girlfriend who's also my best friend(our relationship is often on again, off again) drug and alcohol abuse problems, she doesn't believe she has a problem but I do. She drinks almost daily and is on average drunk 4 days a week, she gets high on three or more types of drugs on average 10 times a month and is convinced she doesn't have a problem, and when i first found out i became so angry i simply just didn't respond to her and kept quiet. I've always given her the freedom to tell me anything whether good or bad, I was always here for her.

But this I am very judgemental about, I've never used any sort of illegal drug in my life and never intend to, I drink socially but would be drunk on average maybe once or twice a year. I've had a roommate who used drugs and whose friends all did drugs and I did not associate with any of them because it seemed that was all they cared about and wanted to do. I love my ex and still want a future with her but I'm struggling with this and I know I'm being extremely judgemental about it but I just don't want to be around it.

She was telling me about it yesterday and for the first time in my life I found myself judging her to the point I asked her not to speaking to me about this matter ever, and I know I probably hurt her feelings, I just can't deal with it.

Today I tried doing research on drugs, since I'm very narrow-minded on the matter and know very little about it, i tried to learn something to maybe change my opinion or be more open to her choices but the more i read the angrier I became, now i'm questioning do I really want to risk having kids with a woman who doesn't believe she has a problem. Do I really want to accept all this when I know I hate it so much and want to go through it. I just don't know. IIN?

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86% Normal
Based on 14 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    If you tell people not to do something they do it out of defiance.

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  • 69
    10 years ago

    she may not have a problem yet if she can control her use and stop any time but it could become a serious one. you are right to worry but telling her not to tell you about it closes your communication lines and you're asking for her to lie to you. doesn't seem like a good solution to me and that would just be a way for you to ignore you have a problem with it and wish it all away

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I'm honestly not sure if she can control it. And I do agree with you that ignoring it won't make it go away or help our communication and I have apologized to her about it, but I still would rather not hear about it as it frustrates me to no end and just angers me that she's taking such risks with her life. She was recently in court over this very same matter and was given a two year suspension and to attend classes.

      If she stayed out of trouble her record will be expunged, that wasn't even a proper month ago, now she's using again and is convinced she won't get caught because she's being more careful than before, she's also said not to bother trying to change her as she likes how she is.

      I love her and I do not want to judge her or abandon her because of this but she can end up in jail for three years plus of she gets caught again and she just doesn't care not to mention the drunk driving and driving. I just feel completely unsure if I can handle this or if I really want to if nothing changes.

      I don't want to be someone who sits by and watches and acts as if it doesn't bother me and she knows it does but is hoping for me to be ok with it or to accept it and I've tried to understand but I just don't.

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      • 69
        10 years ago

        i completely understand where you are coming from and now that you've mentioned the legal issues and her intention of not changing i don't see how you could reach an agreement and it seems it's totally up to you as to whether you want to handle that or not. if it were something she were working on i could see you going somewhere but from what you're saying she doesn't WANT to compromise/change, YOU want her to be different. we can't change anyone really, we can only change ourselves. you are right in being concerned and you really should evaluate how much your lifestyles and life plans are compatible so you can share it, otherwise it will only cause you both frustration, anger and resentment. i mean idk, that's where it seems to be going....

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  • Intension
    10 years ago

    She has a serious problem. Alchohal should be consumed moderatly and Marajuana, LSD, Shrooms, and Extacy* should be the only drugs you should experiment with. You need to confront her, give her an ultimatum and if she refuses to stop then I think you should move on before she gets you involved.

    *not a drug I would recommend anyone unless it was pure MDMA used for therapy

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Because you're a waste.

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  • RoseIsabella
    10 years ago

    What kinda drugs does she do?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      hard drugs, but she prefers to use cocaine, crack and Mcat mostly.

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      • RoseIsabella
        10 years ago

        Damn, that sounds scary. I wouldn't call you judgmental at all. In fact I think you are making some very wise judgments. I know you love your ex but you need to take care of yourself and guard your heart! I know you're really hurting but imagine how many times that hurt would multiply if you were to marry and have children with a raging drug addict; the heartbreak of having a son or daughter born with grave mental or physical defects as a result of a mother's abuse of hard drugs and alcohol. I suggest you distance yourself from your ex and if need be seek therapy for any emotional grief you may experience as a result.

        You can encourage her to go to rehab or start recovery in a twelve step program and you can even pray for her recovery but you need to distance yourself from her and her substance abuse. It's great that you've told her you don't want to hear anymore about her drug use, that's called setting boundaries. Don't be afraid to set other boundaries with her like not seeing her when she's intoxicated.

        I know I might sound like a hard ass to some people but addicts can be expert manipulators and leave a trail of misery in their wake. For me personally I'm not interested in associating with anyone whose does more than alcohol and weed on occasion.

        P.S.. Drug addicts also love mooching money from people and eventually even steal. Meth heads for example are klepto machines. If she ever does meth... RUN!!!

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