Is it normal that i'm 30 and never had a relationship?

35% Normal
17 Comments

Is it normal that I'm 30 and never had anything close to a relationship? I'm not even sure why I am asking this as I'm the only person I've seen at this age that has well barely even had a date.

I'm a 30 year old gay man and to be honest I'm very lonely. I've been seeking someone for years. I've tried personal sites, i've been set up, I've tried meeting people on my own at bars and other events and I've failed on all accounts. I've had at best what can be called two dates in 30 years of living. The last time I was even with a person was 13 months ago. The last time I even hugged another person was 13 months ago.

To be honest I sit in personals sites for months with not even a response, I get ignored at bars. Men straight up ignore me most of the times and honestly what little self esteem I had was gone. Really I think it's my looks. I've been told I'm ugly before and isn't attraction the first layer of interest?

I realize we all have different types of people we are attracted to physically. However is it possible that I'm so unattractive that no one can ever care for me? I use to not believe this. I thought hey I'm a nice guy and while I'm not mr. attractive there are worse men out there that still seem to get farther than I do. So something has to be out there for me. I no longer believe this. So do I just live life alone?

I recently turned 30 though and really all my hopes of finding somebody are about gone. I've deleted most of my accounts on sites and I rarely even get out of the house anymore minus work. I have no desire to go to any bars as of lately as I feel like I shouldn't even show my face in them these days. Yet a part of me also wants to go to them just to enjoy time with friends but I don't know. However when you reach a certain age friends isn't enough.

I don't know what to do and I hate being alone but at the same time I feel wore out physically and emotionally from trying so hard. If anything right now I'm not even open to somebody coming my way if somehow that happens. Based on my past i just know it will go bad.

Is it normal that some of us are perhaps just meant to be alone? That we should not look and not even be open to the idea of love. Just to spare ourselves. That even if we are miserable and lonely. Just to give up and accept the fate of a life of being alone. Just to try and make the best out of situation and be by yourself?

Voting Results
35% Normal
Based on 84 votes (29 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • vchen87
    13 years ago

    Hi,

    I had never been on a date or been in a relationship until I was 22. Now I know it's a bit different but I think I can sympathize to some extent. Try to look at this situation differently... Finding a partner, although important, is to some extent out of your control. Don't give up but don't obsess over your loneliness. I did. And it led to depression and a complete destruction of my self esteem. I highly suggest you focus less on finding someone else, and more on taking care of yourself. Build your self esteem by hitting the gym, eating healthy, and finding hobbies or interests that you're good at. Trust me, once you start seeing yourself as a date-able person, others will see that too. How you feel about yourself affects how others see you. Do things to boost your confidence physically and mentally. Take care!

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  • asura
    13 years ago

    Hello! I'd love to chat with you. I'm 29 y/p male...

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  • Megan10
    13 years ago

    Awesome comment vchen! I agree! Spend time on you! Love yourself because I'm sure you're an awesome guy. Confidence is sexy, it's not all about looks. If you Are still worrying about looks, try getting a new haircut, or buying a new outfit that you look/feel awesome in! :)

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  • captaindildo
    13 years ago

    Its cause ur gay

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  • no_fun
    13 years ago

    Stop being a mopey douche and go hit on people.

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  • mluker
    13 years ago

    Ok. Maybe a little harsh. But that guy made good points about building your self esteem. And I think you should try to date a chic. See if you like that better. Ya never kno

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  • Nasty_Cole
    8 years ago

    Your problem is you keep telling yourself you're gay but you're not!!! You're a fat white guy who can't get laid!!! Lower your standards!!!

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  • Raccoonballoon
    11 years ago

    I've heard there's a person for everyone, the one that thinks you're the most perfect.

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  • Sourgirl01
    13 years ago

    If you want to find love, first you need to find it in yourself. Confidence is very important. I realize you lost it because you feel alone and you're not getting any dates but you need to trust that things will get better. If you don't love yourself, who will? And I don't believe that people are meant to be alone (unless that's what they really want). You sound like you want to find somebody and are stuck in a rut. Just give yourself some time and find something you like to do. Take a class or something. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone :)

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  • Elegy
    13 years ago

    I wanna gay friend seriously.Can you be my friend?

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  • tallisse
    13 years ago

    Hey!
    Good relationships are hard to find! You sound like a really sweet person and thus it will be even harder for you... I'm a good person too and finding a match hasn't been easy...I'm still looking! I've had a couple relationships, but those guys were hard to find and even harder to get serious with! Be patient. You will eventually find what you are looking for, but get off the internet and go take a class or join a gym or a club or something like that... Those are great ways to meet people! Good luck! :)

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  • andrian007
    13 years ago

    Focus your energy on sometime else. Instead of being the perfect partner, for the moment concentrate on making yourself a wonderful human being. This will bring about the confidence to go out there and form close friendships and who knows, something might happen one day. Build your self-confidence and the rest will take care of itself.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    I'll be in that boat too pretty soon. Im my case though, it is because I am too self-centered to have a functioning relationship. I don't think you should let this ruin your life. The idea that being in a "romantic" relationship is an essential aspect of life is nothing but propaganda. What is truly important to you in life? Can you achieve something amazing, even if no one else cares about it? Can you discover the truth about God? Can you help people less fortunate than yourself? Can you travel the world? Maybe I'm being corny. I've had many goals in life. I have also achieved many. Never once have I worried about "relationships". If I meet the right person, I'll know it, and I'll deal with it then. Until that day, I worry not. Bon chance.

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  • SweetSherry
    12 years ago

    I actually feel sorry for you and I really hate gays anyways putting my prejudice aside for minute I heard that fags are extremely superficial and you said you're ugly so maybe that's why you can't meet a man either way I think if you were straight you would have met a lovely woman ages ago that would love you for who you are but seeing as you like to take it up the rear that's your punishment I guess to be alone go to a straight camp they could cure your gayness then you could probably meet a woman and have a family

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  • kedwards
    13 years ago

    To be honest I believe your alone because its not in Gods will for you to be with another man.It is an abomination.God want the best for you.so he will not bless you with the same sex.so maybe if you would take time and get to know God and what he requires of you then you can find joy and happiness.I hope you will have a change of heart and mind read the bible and let it find a place in your heart and renew your mind.

    Peace and Blessing!!

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    oh dear you will have to be more pushy then. Speak up, you can pretend to be confident or be honest and tell people you are lonely. i think both work but speak up

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  • mluker
    13 years ago

    I'm not gonna read all that shit. But u NEED to find your way into a relationship. They're great.

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