Is it normal that i love my male friend and my husband

43% Normal
12 Comments

I am in my early thirty's and have been married for 7 years. Last year i met a guy through work. We quickly became best friends, telling each other everything about our personal lives and txting each other when not at work. Gossip in the workplace ensued everyone said we were having an affair! I was mortified being married but i took my lead from him who said he couldn't care a less what anyone thought. At work we would openly flirt but i still only ever concidered him my best very gorgeous friend. My husband found out about the workplace gossip and called him and told him to back off and that he didn't trust his intentions!! He moved jobs but we kept in close contact, i hid this from my husband.
Then six months ago he contacted me saying he wanted to meet up and have me stay the night, we flirted a bit but i said no, and we decided to go back to just being friends. He also told me he had had a fight with his fiance that day and that is why he did that.
Now we still text and email. Two weeks ago he had another fight with his fiance....We sexted all day and he called that night and professed his attraction toward me and how he thought about me all the time.... and we had phone sex.
Then he ignored me for 3 days before saying 'i hope we can still be friends'. And hasn't bothered to talk to me since. I feel now that he could give or take me. I am sooooooo confused!!!!
I do love this other man, i value and love our friendsip and i am obviously attracted to him to go behind my husbands back like this.
I do also love my husband and value our relationship and friendship.
But i can't get this other guy out of my head even though i get the feeling he is just using me.
Please some advise. I know i don't want to ruin my marrage but this other guy is on my mind 24/7 Help. Does he even like me or is he using me to suit his mood? What do i do?

Voting Results
43% Normal
Based on 51 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Stop messing around behind your husband's back, it is so shady.

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  • Allistalla
    11 years ago

    This may just end up on cheaters. Do what I do " be single and than screwaround with whoever you want".

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  • snipah13
    11 years ago

    Hello sunshine..u said in the bigining u felt like he was using you. Red flag! You felt this feeling he was taking advantage of you. Truth is, knowing this you still pursued this fling, you were using also. Not condemning you ok. But you FELT like he is using you. You wouldnnt feel that way for no reason. You can't trust best friends, you can't even trust your 5 senses at times. But that feeling, that's your 6th sense right there. When it comes down to it, no matter how much we ponder on things, it comes dwn trusting that lil voice inside of us that most people ignore, in many cases people will tell you to follow your heart right. But in the bible it says don't follow your heart it will mislead you. Use common sense & don't follow emotions. & you know the saying that you never truly know a person until you live with them. Alotta times I send my representative forward socially. Use WISDOM..peace

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  • chatter289
    11 years ago

    I'm sorry to say this, but I dislike inidividuals lke you. You are married, have a husband who loves you and trusts you and you cheat on him. Sorry honey, but sexual intercpurse alone does not manifest cheating, phone sex and going behind ur hunsbands back is cheating. What you are doing is wrong. You may not wish to see this but u have ruined ur 'friends' relationship wth his fiancée. How would you feel if another woman did that with ur husband? Want my advice? Leave ur husband because you do not love him AS MUCH as you love your 'friend'. Weighing on the facts, as you have said, you think 24/7 about him, wanting to text him. So, how much can you truly love your husband when you're constantly thinking of another man? Leave ur husband because I'm sorrry you do no deserve him and he most certaintly does not deserve what you are doing. It's women like you who ruin relationships because ypure not happy with having one person, you think you can have both and get away with it.

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    • Sunshinelolliepops
      11 years ago

      How have i ruined his relationship with his fiance? I agree i would be undeniably upset if it was happening to my husband, but in this case i haven't ruined their relationship because she doesn't know!!! I am not quite sure what you mean by this?

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      • chatter289
        11 years ago

        Are you seriously asking that question?. Ok, here is an equation ill make for you;

        you + him + sex talk + flirting+ wanting each other + texting constantly = strain in his relationship because he is spending MORE time talking to you and would like to do more things with you rather than his fiancee. How is that hard for you to understand? I mean you have asked a question to which you know the answer too BECAUSE what you are doing is putting strain in YOUR marriage is it not, i mean that is the reason you created this post is it not? The same principle applies to his relationship. Your consfused he is confused = you partners being consfused as to why you are activing differently, or why distant or however it is you act.

        What you have to understand is, if you do not stop this, and probably even if you do, they are going to find out sooner or later. And lets say they do and you two get together, whats to say that you two will ever trust each other CONSIDERING you both cheated on your partners with EACH OTHER. See, its a very vicious cirlce. You do one thing, it will come back to you and then you will be placed in your partners shoes who are most likely suspecting something is most def up.

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        • Sunshinelolliepops
          11 years ago

          I see,i hadn't thought of this before (prob cause i've been so worried about myself). This also probably explains why he is distancing himself from me now?! No matter what way you look at it, it is a useless situation! I need to get over him, and move on with my hubby before someone does find out and it is too late, for his family and mine!!! I think we would both rather not part with our partners when it comes down to it but Damn the excitement and butterfly feelings he gives me!!! Thanks for taking your time to explain.

          I guess we can't just be friends now either????? Which is what he is now asking for...."I hope we are and can still be friends" he says.

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          • chatter289
            11 years ago

            Hun, you cant be friends with someone you're sexually attracted too. Its like a saying a rabbit and a fox can get along without one trying to eat the other lol, i hope you see my analogy there.That is also one of the reasons why i dont believe you should be 'friends' with ur ex partners, you cant do it.

            From the sounds of it he gives you the thrill and butterflies because of the excitemet of what you two are doing and even though you know its wrong you're doing it because its a reiforecement you're getting from it, i.e the butterly feeling. Its like a person on cocain, they know its damaging and dangerous but they do it because it gives that feeling.

            What you need to do is loose contact COMPLETELY with him and start focusing more in ur marriage. Retrace the steps of when you first met, im sure there was a time he gave you betterflies right? Why dont you do something for you. Get a new hair colour/cut, change ur fashion and clothes, work on yourself first, and the changes that you make will spark a response fromy your husband. Spice things in the bedroom, buy something kinky, go out on movie night, go out on long walks just talking not as a man or wife but as best friends. Cook together, have a snack night and watch chick flicks. I do all this with my bf after being 3 years together. Relationships are work, and you have to work on the spark. I just think it would be such a shame to loose your husband and ur relationship because of some 'lust' feeling because from what youre saying it does sound like that.

            Honestly good luck, personally i would never get myself in a situation like this,and what you have done and are doing is giving in to temptation. Can you imagine what will happen if everyone gave into it? there would be no relationships.

            Sit down with yourself and REALLY workout what you want. If youre not happy with ur husband than talk to him see if things can change and make the subsequent changes i spoke off, if it still does not work then part in different way BUT cease contact with ur friend.

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            • Sunshinelolliepops
              11 years ago

              Ha, yes there certainly was a time i got those feelings thinking about my husband. Honestly i never thought i would get myself into this situation either, for 7 years we have been married and 3 before that i never never ever concidered cheating it is something i thought was so disgusting and wrong, i felt the same way you do, and thought how on earth could people do that, they must be right sluts or thoughtless losers. It is incredible how one person can change you!!!
              I have talked to my husband about doing things together and that i feel left out and down about the lack of excitement in our marrage and he is all for making some changes, i do love him immensley and i know we will be ok and even great, my biggest challenge is to as you put it Completely loose contact with my friend, and stop myself from contacting him again, EVER!

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    It is normal to have feelings for more than one person, that would make you polyamorous.

    It's difficult to say about the other guy, he could just be feeling guilty and avoiding you becasue of that, he could be using you. One thing I wouldn't reccomend is cheating on your husband. :/

    It's one thing to agree to an open relationship, and I feel it's more reasonable myself. I don't own his body, he doesn't own mine, you know? But to him it would still be a very hurtful thing to do.

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    • Sunshinelolliepops
      11 years ago

      Thanks for your reply, this issue is eating me up it's great to get some advise. An open relationship is not an option. This guy has changed me into someone i hate and don't want to be, only problem, i cant get him out of my head.

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