Is it normal that i like to be burned during sex/foreplay?

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15 Comments

I have been seeing this male for a few months and we are sexual partners. Now, it is safe to say that I am a very open minded person and into BDSM of all sorts (with my boundaries of course). I spoke to him about burning me during sex or as foreplay, so we tried it and it turns out I am aroused by such activity. Is this normal?
I'd also like the community's opinion on shock collars being used in sex as well (i.e.: dominant shocks submissive, neck/thighs) for I am looking towards that being my next adventure. Thank you.

Voting Results
36% Normal
Based on 39 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    Normal if that's what you're into, but BE SAFE. I was into BDSM for a while many years ago and personally I think it's addictive because of the intensity, as indicated by practitioners always looking for more and more intensity.

    Not judging, just commenting from my own experience and I also found far too many dominants who get off on going beyond the boundaries the submissive has set, which can be dangerous to the point of being life-threatening

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    • Whyamidoingthis
      8 years ago

      Thank you for offering your comments and experience, this does mean a lot to me. As far as safety goes, we do take great precaution, so thank you for your concern as well!
      -M.

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        You're welcome! I'd be interested in your views on the addictive potential of BDSM if you'd like to share them

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        • Whyamidoingthis
          8 years ago

          I can see that, actually, much like another person commented on this. She/He/They gave the brilliant anaology of a junkie's high to a Sub's Pain being like an addiction. So, yes, I can see where you are coming up with this perspective. It's brilliant really, because it's true. Getting a sexual release from pain is truly addictive I believe. Any kind of release of tension or pleasure, et . that can ultimately "train" your brain into thinking "hey this is great if I do (this) then I get (this) release/pleasure". That is quite addicting.
          -M.

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          • Ellenna
            8 years ago

            Years ago I came across a sort of test for defining addiction which rang true for me at the time and which I still believe to be relevant: does the substance/behavior affect your relationships; your work; your finances; your spirituality; your physical and/or mental health; does it regularly become unsatisfying to the point of wanting more and more of the same or an escalation to more extreme substances or sensations?

            It seems to me that most people involved other than peripherally in BDSM would fit these criteria and that in a very similar way to addictive drugs, can lead to physical harm and death. It creates a false intimacy between practitioners and an appetite for more and more and more ..... and who benefits from all this? Writers of stupid books like the shades series; the porn industry; the bdsm/fetish suppliers and venues ....... all that energy going into a search for instant gratification via more and more intensity, which could be directed towards much more lasting issues.

            Sorry for the rant, but I have thought about this issue for many years and thems my conclusions! I welcome other views on this subject and please note I'm not suggesting banning or censorship, just that people think deeply about the longterm ramifications of BDSM's addictive nature.

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            • Whyamidoingthis
              8 years ago

              I greatly agree with your view on this, actually. It's very nice to hear that people take a bigger look at this community (BDSM) than just the sex.
              -M.

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    • mysistersshadow
      8 years ago

      I am not personally into BDSM but I stand on the sidelines and watch and alot of what I see is terrifying. Not becos I think it looks scary but for the potential for there to be a injury or other problems. I was once at a play party and watched as a dom with ear buds in gave a sub in a tied down position that didn't allow movement other than squirming a serious flogging. Hmmm.... how exactly will you hear that safe word when you can't hear and can't see there face? And this was a pay to get in its all safe becos we have dungeon personnel kind of party. I see so many unsafe practices and inexperienced doms doing rope work that is likely to cause nerve damage that even if that stuff interested me I would be very picky about who I played with.

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        Yep and far too many people who got into it after reading those incredibly stupid shades of grey books.

        Re the flogging you witnessed, some BDSM people have physical signals instead of safe words, eg when the submissive is gagged, but I still think it's a very dangerous game. I've seen far too many dominants get into power tripping which has nothing to do with consent and into humiliation, oppression and degradation outside mutually agreed upon scenes and who don't practise what they preach: probably the worst example of this was a professional dom who spouted the usual nice sounding stuff about never playing while under the influence of drugs, inc alcohol, who used to take speed before performances. I don't believe in karma but she later died from drugs.

        I do a bit of mild mistress work on the sex lines and even tried it for a while working in a dungeon, but I'm always tempted to suggest to submissives that they seek therapy for their self-hatred and addiction to BDSM.

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        • mysistersshadow
          8 years ago

          In the instance I described it would have been impossible for the Dom to know because the way the sub was restrained there was very little non verbal communication possible and the lights were turned down to very dim. What I really found the most distressing was that there were ppl there to look after others safety and no one said a thing.

          I tried to read the first 1 but it was way to romance novel-esque for my taste.

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          • Ellenna
            8 years ago

            That's definitely not safe. I think one big problem is that BDSM has become big business now that it's "out" or at least a lot more out than it used to be, so some people are only in it for the money they can make selling overpriced fetish gear and running unsafe venues.

            I didn't even try the first one, someone had the second one in their toilet and I read some of that, but it was SO badly written and had lots of non-consensual stuff. I heard on the radio the other day that so many copies of the various shades series have been thrown out to op shops in the UK that they're refusing to take any more of them! I did notice they turned up in op shops here in Australia very quickly, which was pretty funny considering most of those shops are run by church groups!

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  • mysistersshadow
    8 years ago

    How much of a burn and where on your body are we talking about becos that can turn into a serious injury really easily. I know how pain puppies like to keep upping the ante to get the endorphins of sub space but this is the same reason junkies die they need more and more to get the same high.

    I don't know how much a shock collar hurts so I can't offer much of a opinion on that but I have a good idea how a hitachi wand feels and its nothing I'm interested in.

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    • Whyamidoingthis
      8 years ago

      Thank you for your response. The burns are quite mild for now. I'd like yo keep it that way, of course, for safety issues. I normally get burned on my thighs, throat(rarely), and mainly on my stomach area/side of my stomach. I can see the whole junkie/high analogy and you're absolutely right. I asked about the shock collar for that exact reason. Thank you for your feedback on both questions!
      -M.

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      • mysistersshadow
        8 years ago

        I'm glad you felt we were helpful. Just please always play safe l and have fun.

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