Is it normal that i kissed, and later made love to my first cousin?

My name is Anthony and I live in New Jersey. In 2001, my cousin, Rachel, from California came to visit. She was going to stay at our house for a few weeks. We were fairly close, and I was looking forward to spending time with her. Upon her arrival, we were very close. We would talk for hours and constantly be hugging each other. I thought nothing of it, and thought Rachel didn't either.

Things started off innocently. I took Rachel to the mall and we were going down the escalator. As soon as we got on, she grabbed my hand. Once we reached the bottom, she kept on holding it. It felt nice, so I didn't say anything. Then, as we were walking around the mall, she put her arm around me. I, in turn, did the same. I thought this was her way of showing how close she felt to me.

Then, one night, when my parents were out of the house, I was in Rachel's room. It was getting late, so I said good night. I got up and gave her a hug, which lasted for about 30 seconds. As she pulled back, she brought her face to mine. Our lips were about 2 inches apart. Without knowing what was going on, Rachel kissed me and, I, in the moment kissed her back passionately.

I wasn't sure how to handle what had happened the next time I was alone with Rachel. Though she was my cousin, I enjoyed kissing her. The next day, she came to my room and closed the door. I thought she was going to say, "What we did was wrong..." However, to my utter surprise, she walked up to me and started holding my hand. She then took me in her arms and a hot wet kiss pursued. It lasted for about a minute or two.

Throughout the course of Rachel's stay, we would find ways to kiss each other, when no one was around. The fact that we had to hide our relationship made it all the more fun. We kept things going until she went back to California.

I thought our kissing rendezvous had come to an end. I was thankfully wrong. She came to visit us again in 2004, while I was on break from school. She was staying at my uncle's house. One Friday, after school, I went to my uncle's house to pick Rachel up and spend some time with her. After we grabbed dinner, I casually mentioned, while I was driving, our kisses from her last visit and told her I wanted to kiss her again. She said, "Sounds like a plan". I pulled over and we had a hot make out session in the back seat of my car. That was pretty intense.

Two days later, my parents left for Italy, leaving me alone in the house. After they left, I went to pick up Rachel again and brought her back to my house. We sat down on the couch and kissed for about 30 minutes. We then went to my bedroom and started exploring each other's bodies. This happened twice during her trip. I thought for sure this would be our last occasion to be together.

I was thankfully wrong again. In 2006, she came for another visit from CA. This time, she was saying that though she had enjoyed our trysts, they were wrong and we had to stop. I knew Rachel was right, but I still wanted to kiss her one last time. I said, "Can we kiss again, just so I can get closure?" She reluctantly said yes. We went to my room and started a hot make out session. We shed our clothes (except underwear) and proceeded to make passionate love. Her breasts felt so nice against my chest. It was the most passionate love making I have ever experienced. I don't know if it was because of the taboo involved, or just because it was with someone I loved so much. Regardless, I knew what we were doing was wrong and we had to stop. She left for CA that week and has since gotten happily married.

We have decided to keep our relationship to ourselves, because no one in our family would understand. However, I will always think back of my time with Rachel fondly.