Is it normal that i keep craving attention from this girl?

82% Normal
26 Comments

Alright, so here is my situation, it's gonna be a long story for which I apologize:

I am currently in a loving and long-term relationship (4years and counting) with the girl whom I thought was the girl of my dreams. We started living together about two years ago and share pretty much everything and we are both still very much dedicated and in love.

However, recently I switched universities. I do not really fit in at my new university since it is much smaller and the students have known eachother for a long time which makes me feel like a bit of an intruder.

Recently though, a girl has started showing interest in me by keeping me company and involving me in social activities. At first I thought this was because she simply felt bad for me, but after a while the relationship between us become more and more personal.

We are now at a point that she brings me breakfast at the Uni in the morning, and we spend several hours together each day.

The girl is relatively attractive and I would normally consider her way out of my league. Nevertheless, she keeps giving me an abnormal amount of attention and even invited me on a date several times, so at this point I am pretty sure that she is at least a bit into me.

I would never cheat on my girlfriend, but what confuses me is that I have become completely addicted to the attention and affection this other girl gives me. It feeds my ego knowing that she is interested and I am currently grabbing every opportunity to be around her. Today I drove for an hour just to see her.

Now I am wondering, do I have a distorted need to feed my ego, or could it be that I am actually into this girl, and what would this say about my current relationship?

Voting Results
82% Normal
Based on 50 votes (41 yes)
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Comments ( 26 )
  • iEatZombies_
    11 years ago

    Your post says it all; You feel lonely and bored. This girl is giving you companionship and entertainment while your girlfriend is away.
    Don't go down this road. Go call your girlfriend, remember how much you love her. Go down memory lane with her, talk about your guys' firsts together, what you plan on doing after Uni.
    What you're doing right now would probably hurt your girlfriend, but the line your about to cross will hurt all three of you even more. You don't have to cheat on her to hurt all three of you.
    If you choose this girl, eventually the constant attention will go away- then what's left? Throughout the friendship, what else has there been?

    Appreciate what you have- not what 'could be'.

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  • DarkBlue
    11 years ago

    hmmm..okay, don't act on impulse because you might lose both of them..
    You already have a girlfriend who loves you and from what you said, you seem to be very compatible..
    Now, your choice of words is quite telling..you know you're on the wrong track "it feeds my ego", "addicted to ATTENTION" she gives you..do you feel the same about your girlfriend, are you with her only because you enjoy the attention she gives you? I don't think so..
    You need to be sure of what you really want..cause if you decided to be with the new girl, you might lose your girlfriend for good..and perhaps once the glamour is gone, the fascination or addiction to the new girl wouldn't last either..You'll end up unhappy, not to mention that you will hurt both of them too.. NOTE: If you're unsure about the new girl, you need to STOP giving her false hope too..it will break her heart..it's not fair

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      This is a really rational explanation and in the back of my mind I agree and would probably advise a third person something similar. The thing that still bothers me is that I usually do not get so much attention and love from other attractive women. So all of a sudden I have the option of radically changing what I thought was a perfect scenario. I am very happy with my relationship now but what if I am missing out on something even better that I otherwise would never even know existed?

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  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    You like the attention. I was the "other" girl in a very similar situation, and I backed off just because he made it clear that he likes my [5 hour phone calls, late night Skype sessions, "send me pictures", "you owe me a massage"] attention, but loves his girlfriend.

    Don't give this girl too much, she might turn around and fuck shit up for you when she realizes you might not want to take it 'there'. People do mean things when their feelings get hurt. Meh, all relationships level out eventually. She's new and exciting, I get it.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Thank you very much for your female view on this. I am even already recognizing some signs from your last paragraph. My gf knows I spend a lot of time with this other woman and has simply told me that she would never keep me from being around whoever I feel like, but that she has already noticed that this is different compared to my 'normal' friends. She was cool about it and just told me not to fuck it up because naturally she would not tolerate this.

      However, after blowing off the other woman a few times she was the one getting quite possessive and jealous. This scared me quite a bit because it seemed so inappropriate seeing that she knows the whole situation.

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      • thinkingaboutit
        11 years ago

        Yeah. That doesn't sound good. I would be wary about her becoming sensitive, man. You don't want her getting all butt-hurt and, for example, fb messaging your girlfriend lies about how you two hooked up. She can manipulate your girlfriend into distrusting you, which is not something you want. be wary lol. good luck.

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  • CateArcher
    11 years ago

    Remember the saying "A boob in the hand is worth two in the bra". Or don't, just take people's real advice up there, some of it sounds good. :)

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    If you are still interested in and dedicated to your girlfriend then I would say to you to limit your time and exposure to this girl and not meet with her in a private setting.

    I understand exactly what you are going through. Sometimes, the chase is just irresistible (FUCKING HELL YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET THE SPELLING OF THAT WORD CORRECTLY??? I GET RETYPING AND RETYPING UNTIL I LOOKED IT UP AND GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WORDS LIKE THAT PISS ME OFF!) and it is exciting. Really exciting. It leaves you longing for more and more and what you can't have is so alluring but giving in will hurt you because if you leave the girl that you are with and settle with this woman, what is to stop you from having this same problem all over again?

    If you want to stay faithful, then stay faithful. Keep an emotional distance from this woman and eventually your feelings will die down. This is from experience. After a while, she will become less interesting to you and this excitement will die down.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      haha I do appreciate your effort to use correct spelling at all cost :P

      I also agree with Myboyfriendsbitch that your advice makes sense especially since I am indeed still dedicated to my girl and our life together.

      The thing is that I am not a very attractive guy (very fit, but honestly this is mainly to compensate for my early hair-loss, heavy sweating and general social awkwardness because of my sarcastic sense of humor). Because of this I realize that this might be my first, last and therefore only opportunity to see if there is something even better out there for me. Since I have had two long relationships in the past (three years, gap of a year, and four years) I have not directly 'played the field'.

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    • myboyfriendsbitch
      11 years ago

      I'm the same way with the word definitely. I think i finally got it down, though.

      This is definitely good advice. Haha.

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    • Shackleford96
      11 years ago

      BIPOLAR DISORDER, AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

      :P

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    • TheLlidD
      11 years ago

      HAhaha! Let me try with out looking*

      Irresistable

      irresistable
      (same spelling, fuck)

      iresistable

      iresistible

      Irresistible (I looked)

      Fuck. hahaha

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  • isaiahh123
    8 years ago

    tell the truth
    /and give me gold for 1 year

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  • plum6
    10 years ago

    For anyone who is interested I decided to follow up on my dilemma. Shortly after posting my question I decided to indeed break up with my girlfriend because I realized that the moment you are able to actually fall in love with someone else you have a big issue with your relationship. I did indeed pursue the other girl that was on my mind and we have been in a steady relationship for over five months now, and I have never felt happier. Best decision I have ever made.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    Poo in her piss flaps she will ruv you rong time

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  • kaki
    11 years ago

    maybe your girl doesn't pay any real attention to you and you like the fact that she is its normal to act like this just don't fuck her unless you want to end your relationship with your girl and start one with this new one.

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  • Thatguy777
    11 years ago

    That shit made my day

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  • Thatguy777
    11 years ago

    Omg, NeuroNeptunian's comment made me laugh me laugh my ass off! Lmao, I can't even read anymore

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    11 years ago

    It is very comforting to see that the responses to my problem are so in-line with each other. It is nice to know that at least you do not think I amn acting like a complete ego-maniac or misplaced playboy.

    This evening me and my girlfriend even had an honest talk about it, which was (on my part) largely fueled by the fact that none of you seemed particularly shocked by my feelings.

    My girl mentioned that she noticed that I have been putting an unusual amount of attention and effort into my relationship with the other girl. After some hesitation I explained wat has been happening and to my surprise she was also quite understanding. She was not angry, although she did feel threatened and ofcourse asked a lot of questions about how I feel and how to deal with this. She said she would never forbid me to be around whoever made me feel happy, but made (quite intensely) clear that if I continue on this road and fuck up she would not accept it.

    I think this gives me yet another incentive to seek some distance and making my relationship with the woman more platonic. Knowing that it is hurting my gf and she is willing to vent this, but also that she does want to be understanding means a lot I guess.

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    • myboyfriendsbitch
      11 years ago

      She definitely sounds like a keeper! It's great you can talk about things like that.

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  • Dot123
    11 years ago

    I know this bitch that I want attention from but she seems always busy. But she goes to university and studies. She text's me when she can. Just tell her you like talking to her and miss her that will usually help. People get busy.

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  • bleach_baby
    11 years ago

    You're probably just kind of lonely and you are relying on the attention this girl is paying you to make you feel OK. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Even if you do have a tiny crush, it doesn't matter as long as you know that you love your girlfriend and you don't act on it. It doesn't say anything about your relationship - it's normal to get crushes on other people during long term relationships.

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  • CompletelyOverThought
    11 years ago

    It's absolutely normal to enjoy the attention that this girl is giving you. Even when I'm in a relationship I secretly try to impress other people because it makes me feel good if I know that not only one person finds me appealing. It's best to try and not get into a relationship with this new girl. If she knows you have a girlfriend, she should stop trying to pursue you.

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  • danny__10
    11 years ago

    Dump the old bitch get with the new. Comon man get with the gringo

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    • TheLlidD
      11 years ago

      ^Complete B.S.
      -From a Uni.Student @small university who moved from a shoulder to shoulder "you're just a number" university to a small one. I am with a girl friend of 3.5yrs (Love her!! Mmm).

      I TOLD my girlfriend about my "grrls at school" I called the girls my 'study group' at first and when i got to this point - I revolutionized and invited some guys. Now it IS a study group and nothing got confused. My girlfriend even visits. Be-careful not to spoil your trust with your loved one. So you know, I feel you're cheating(my girl is in the room and thinks that too) - intimate emotional relationships are still a diss to your 4yr lover - she likely even senses it!

      Get back to healthy trust and honesty! You'll like yourself more and chicky may turn into an Awesome Friend!

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  • Littlebadgirl
    11 years ago

    Honestly, I think none of us can tell if you really like her or you just like the attention. You have to figure that out yourself.

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