Is it normal that i just want to be alone in the entire world?
It's because of three simple reasons;
1)My mother: I was sorta beaten by her when I was younger.... I know that the first comments will be like:'' Why didn't you call the (thing to protect child from violent parents)?'' It is just because I felt like if I do that, I would betray her. I know she deserve it, but I just can't. I think I'm scared. I forgot to say that I hate her.
2) My father: Even if he's more gentle than my mother, I hate him too! He is bigamist and my mom's alright with that! If I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't like to share him. So that is that I have two half brothers that before summer, I've known thanks to pics, and two others(girl and boy) that I've never known the existence before that summer. First, I feel a bit sad that my father is an half father, or even less, just a genitor and that he doesn't live with us. It's not even that I would like that he live with us 'cause, the damage is done: me. Sometimes I really don't wanna live anymore, I have already made suicide attempts, but like I said on top, I was to scared. So instead, I just self-harm, if it's like that we say it. (I'll anyway have a quick look to the websites below.)
3)Friends: One day, my mom said to me that she don't call friends, friends. She call them acquaintances. And then, I saw that I didn't really have friends. They all always laugh together and I'm often ignored. When I'm not, it's fight all the day. I'm used to now, don't talk with them, just stay by their side, to not be alone.
With all this ploblems, sometimes, I'm asking myself existencial(?) questions and when they're not existencial(?) they are weird, like what if I was alone in the earth, would it be better? how is it to take drugs, does it really realives?
Sorry for my english, I don't really speak, I'm a student in Canada.