Is it normal that i hire hookers but don't have penetrative sex with them?

I'm a 40 year old unmarried man, what you'd describe as a "John" (LOL - I love that word). I'm somewhat mentally ill which prevents me from committing to a long-term relationship. I have been diagnosed as bipolar - OCD - and a few other things. No occupational hazards, just that I'm shy around people.

I have a moderately high sex drive so naturally, I turn to all kinds of prostitutes for my needs because I'm shy around regular women.

It's gotten pretty frequent in last 4-5 years, I hire these girls twice a week at least. I have traveled to different cities and even distant countries for the sole reason that there will be nice-looking hookers waiting for me. I'm the quintessential SEX TOURIST. I have been jailed before for these "immoral crimes".

I'm really an irredeemable person now. Can't change my ways. Some of these girls are on my phone speed dial. "Kerb crawling" -- I'm a pro at that.

Anyway, I'm a nice guy. At least I see myself that way. Many years ago I saw these documentaries on sex trafficking and the medical impact of rape. I vowed then not to force myself on any woman. I wouldn't mind having sex in a relationship but as said earlier, I can no longer be in a relationship again. Haven't had normal sex in last seven years but I'm ok with that.

By definition, all prostitution is forced sex because the girls don't really have a choice in this matter.

So I do give the hookers my money but only hire them for a good time. We smoke, drink together, converse together, watch some Television or YouTube videos together, kiss and cuddle a bit, perhaps.

But eventually we don't do any penetrative sex. Not even oral or handjob. I don't even like them to get fully naked and shit. Oh yes, I do pay the full amount. Any hookers who've been with me more than once describe me as a "weirdo" but harmless client.

Harmless client in their trade is VERY IMPORTANT. The girls tell me all the time that a few other clients can be real rough to them. They hurt them with cigarette butts, beat them up, and do many unspeakable things. It really sucks being a hooker.

With me they know they wouldn't get injured. Sometimes they call me to know if I'm available. I also enjoy good discounts for what is called a "girlfriend experience".

Again some of these girls don't think I'm normal. They try to grab my d-ick. I tell them "no you don't have to do any of it". That disappoints them because sometimes, they really want me to have penetrative sex. I can tell when they're not faking it at all. The answer is still no -- I don't want to force it on them.

So what about my high sex drive? Of course I masturbate to all of that later. Basically, I use the hookers as real masturbation toys.

Girls if you were working as a hooker, how'd you feel about a character like me?