Is it normal that i have these personal problems?
I have been through hell and back as a kid and adult. I have felt unloved and unwanted by my mother most my life. She died a couple times in my mind until she really did. I don't have any regrets as I know I did the right things when my siblings whom I believe she favored did not. I was bounced around, sent away, exposed to a pervert, exchanged, misused, abused, enslaved, abandoned, ejected the morning after i graduated from high school, tormented, taunted and bragged about because I made it. I did not have a choice. I finished college because I did not know what else to do. Everything I owned was in my dorm room. Summer was so bad they allowed me to stay for free because I didn't have anywhere to go. my step dad said I could not stay with them and I couldn't even leave my things there. I accepted what I thought was love from all the wrong people including my step-dad supplier and I now understand I was molested. I wrote a book to heal. I loved so hard only I didn't know I was a jump off. He would eventually face charges of first & second degree assault, kidnapping and false imprisonment. I learned a valuable lesson as I fought to stay out of his trunk. You cant make somebody love you. You cant force them to love you. I would continue to live even though every breath I took was agony to my fractured ribs. I thrived although my blood sister hustled me and threaten to burn all I owned in the streets. My lived was spared from myself with a phone call from the Oprah Winfrey Show. Just when I didn't know what to do my parents accepted me back to their new home. There I found myself pushed the farthest. I would commence and consume the very pills my mother purchased to relieve me of pain. I would die in her new home but my last call to my sister which I recognize now as a cry for help would sent a mad man bursting through my door yelling " you want to die. You want to die". Is it normal I shit in a bucket and then threw it on that same madman and when it splattered on his chest he looked down said "thank you" and even ate some of it?