Is it normal that i have these feelings?

I find it strange how quickly and easily people write-off fear as par for the course while @ the same time ignoring it, rather than yielding to that instinct - they aren't always wrong, you know.

If I'm honest... this sounds like a happy little girl playing hopscotch out in the yard, conveniently musing only about the easy stuff, the obvious bits: How much you want one; how much you'll love it; how much joy it could bring you; how cute it will be (mind you, these are all factors have entirely to do with YOU; parenthood cannot be a selfish enterprise). And then maybe more practical stuff such as who watches them when you can't or are unable to because your school or job requires your time and energy elsewhere (perhaps the 1st red flag - as your Mother is NOT a default babysitter for someone who claims they are truly 'ready'). Meanwhile you're still in college, which suggests that you haven't necessarily secured for yourself your own life which can grow sufficiently enough to support a growing child (What's the insurance like @ your current job? Any? How comprehensive? What if your job stops being your job? And school falls through? How much student debt are you in for? Do you make enough to cover the costs of college, your child, and the result that is those lives combined? And as your bf is just a 'bf,' he is an X-factor in this scheme, and should be treated as such in your projections - meaning, will this plan of yours fall apart if he is not there, or if any other piece fails to fall into place? Are you just as ready on your own? What happens if/when your safety net falls away? You are young, so no doubt you parents have you covered on their insurance, but what of it then when that goes away (perhaps sooner than you know)? Is your career intact, secured and ready to proceed presently at only 18, an age when very few have a worthwhile degree/possiblities/opportunites before them, unless they're some case of prodigy? Is your plan reliant on everything going the way you said? Do you know what to do if your 'plan' hiccups, backfires or fails (and trust in the nature of the world and life, it WILL eventually - that is the point)? Do you even know what you are made of?

Bitch got owned...

I know there are things to throw away. As it will be WHENEVER I decide to have a child whether it be now or 20 years from now. I am afraid. i admit it. There are so many things in life that people must fear but you LEARN from it and I am ready for that. I find it odd that you can judge me in so many false accusations. It is because, perhaps, you have a trouble life as well? Maybe a potentially messy neuroses, as you so blatantly put it? As for my job, I am training for a management position and already have insurance included that will grow in a very brief time. As for college, I have been lucky enough to receive scholarships where I do not have to worry about the financial crises in that department. As for my boyfriend being my "safety net"? This is not so. He relies on me a lot more than I rely on him. As such, I will do just fine if he is NOT in the equation.
I'm starting to find that your so-called 'advice' is just ill willed pessimism and would like it if you could prevent yourself from commenting accusatory statements for the world to read. I asked for your opinion, not a novel of contemptuous, sneering jibes. That is all. Thank you for your time.

You don't think there's anything to throw away because you haven't gotten far enough to lose anything yet - few teenagers do. But either way... more famous last words. Enjoy.

@ illegroAD: I thank you again, for your advice. Let's clear something up though, shall we? I don't 'think' I'm so well equipped to take on this grandest thing any of us can do. I don't think anyone can EVER be fully equipped for parenthood because ANYTHING can be thrown your way with a child. Even when that child grows up, he or she still depends on you for the rest of your life. With a child, there IS NO guarantee and I realize that. I don't mean to sound like a smart-ass. It's just the way I think and feel. I am a religious person. He influences my thoughts like no other. I believe that He will guide me and protect me with whatever decision I will make. With that clear, I AM ready for this. But I do value each of your opinions.

I thank each of you for your advice and wisdom. I've never thought that having a child will 'throw away' anything. I know that there will be times when I won't know what to do. When they're sick and you feel helpless because you can't do anything about it except take them to a doctor. When they get hurt and you blame yourself for not scrutinizing everything they were doing. I know it won't be a walk in the park, so to speak, but I truly believe I am ready to take this step in my life. Some people were born to be architects or teachers or anything in between, I've always known I was born to be a mother.
I like the thought of "It's sometimes wiser to wait and be right than to see and be wrong." It's a very insightful comment. Full of truth and wisdom that may seem beyond my years. I admit that I am young. That it may be better for me to wait. But I've never been afraid of a challenge. I've always sacrificed anything needed to protect someone or help someone I love.
"Grandma" will NOT raise my child. I believe, that if I am able to HAVE a child, I should be able to raise it. I think that's the way it should be. I merely commented that my mother would be available to help if I ever needed it. Commented this to show that I have the support I need. Even though that means having to make sacrifices in MY life to do so, I'm ready for it. If this means having to put off college for a while. I'm willing to do that. I was raised by two wonderful parents who constantly instilled in me that love can not pay the bills. It takes hard work. Believe me, my father is the hardest working man I have ever known. This is just one of many things that I have inherited from him. Also, the ability to love something and want to provide for that something with every ounce of my being no matter what stands in the way. If I need money, I will find it. If I need guidance, I will find it. But I will NOT let my child go without because of me.
I'm an intelligent woman. I am determined and nothing can change my mind if I have my heart set on it. I am not like other 'teenagers' that live in some dream world. I very much live in and realize reality. Reality isn't easy. It is not easy without a child and is a hell of a lot harder with one. But I'm ready to find out.

@Nejmie: I totally agree. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long while and we've known each other since we were three. We definitely plan on getting married before bringing a child into the world.

Do u think it's fair that your child will be raised by Grandma because your in school
And working?

So then now let's pretend you *have* considered every conceivable outcome and contingency... does being ABLE to do these things necessarily follow that you MUST do these things NOW? You're barely a child yourself - pity you are so anxious to throw that away (as it cannot be retrieved), and seemingly only because you seem to want to be needed (another flag - this sounds like a potentially messy neuroses). One might suggest that you first take some time to discover the virtue that is Failure; without this, success can barely be pursued, much less attained.

You may commonly hear that there is no such thing as "ready" to become a parent. I agree with this. But I also believe that people should f***ing well know if they're "ready enough." You haven't even gone through the wee little challenge that is college yet, nevermind marriage (also something that is unpredictable)... much less the epicness of full-tilt adulthood, building your own life... one indeed wonders how prepared you could really be. You've made little more than just love and some good vibes in you life up to this point... and already you think you're so well equipped to take on the grandest thing any of us could ever do.

To be fair, however, this may indeed be your path in life. But if that is true, it will happen despite your efforts elsewhere; thus, you needn't force the situation by acting on impulse or out of desperation to escape an emptiness. I'm not so much a religious person, but I have often found a fair bit of truth in the saying "the best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans." You'd be wise to consider and appreciate the brevity of that idea. And in the event that you are a person without such faith or idea of spirituality, than I would suggest that you take care to better scrutinize and vet your logic, and your true capabilities - there seem to be clearly marked flaws in your posted formula. And after all, a person who is so sure, I imagine, would not be asking for a second opinion on the internets. So yeah, sure, this is normal enough - but commonly does not guarantee or suggest a margin of success. It's sometimes wiser to wait and be right than to see and be wrong.

Good luck.

//T

Having a child is not meant to be a lifeboat, or a conduit for you to have a cute little plaything to help you feel less empty. Meaning, you should never NEED to have a child - they are not there for you; you are there for them (even when you can't be or don't feel like it). That relationship is largely non-negotiable; exceptions in such a case are often found only when things have gone badly wrong. This lack of a child should not reduce you to tears at such a tender age - why should it? It's not too late for you. You haven't done the work of preparing to be a parent only to find that you cannot bare children. Meanwhile mind you, please do not be so naive as to believe that 'love' is all it will take. Those are the famous last words those who have failed before, and likely those who will after. Love is not just a cloud of sunshine, puppies, dandelions and warm, fuzzy feelings; love is WORK. What we call 'Love' as a feeling is simply what makes the work of loving possible.

How about your boyfriend - Is HE really ready to give up HIS life and HIS future for the sake of fostering his own fully-assembled human being? Is he ready to surrender his aspirations and dreams for the two of you? Does he even have any yet to throw away? Do you? Should you? Are you ready to ask these things of him so that you may simply attempt to fill some kind of void? Does HE even know what he's made of, or what either of you is in for? Have either of you yet adventured far enough to see and know your own limits? Parenthood is certainly a path to that end, but some might suggest that you owe it to your would-be child to realize those things before they arrive, lest you thrust upon them the unpredictable shenanigans that is another pair of young and not-fully-cooked adolescents who have decided to play mommy and daddy in a game of House.

I'm an 'old fuddydud' ......but what happened to the sanctity of marriage BEFORE having a baby? Children need and deserve to be raised in a two-parent home. Your boyfriend may be long gone by the time this child is even one year old. Is there anybody out there who thinks the same as I do....that marriage should come first and then children?

hmmm, it looks like you thought it through pretty well. if you think you are ready, go for it. but just make sure your boyfriend wants a baby too because he might not be as ready as you are to have one. Best of luck (:

Thank you. I HAVE thought it through :) I've talked to him about it. He says he's scared but he supports me. But I mean, most people get scared about these things. It's a huge step in life.