Is it normal that i have no self confidence...

71% Normal
6 Comments

I've had a fairly tough life, and a great lack of love. My mother died when I was ten and I was put into foster care when I was eleven because my grandparents died and my father was deemed an unfit parent.
I find that when I have a boyfriend I cling to them for dear life on the first sign of love, or even when they say it. Though I doubt any have really felt it.
Recently I started dating this guy I've liked for almost two years, and unfortunately I got pregnant. He told me that he would kill himself if I kept it, which I decided not to in the end (please no angry remarks on this, unfortunately it is my body and your opinion cannot change what is right for me, I spent a great deal of time deciding what I had to do. It was very hard.) I went to see him (this is a long distance relationship as well sadly) for a month and a week, which was over doing it, but I needed to get away, I left immediately after I had the operation because I was overwhelmed with how some people were reacting. I was there over the Christmas holidays and things seemed rocky at times, but for the most part we were happy and enjoying being around one another.. When I came home though he got very distant, and started having friends over every night.. And then he decided he wants to take a break because he had felt I was crowding him.. I don't know how to deal with my anxiety since this, I find myself thinking the worse things all of the time. I blurt things out to him that probably make him want to back away from me even more.. I wish I could stop.. I went to see a doctor and they put me on medication and I started seeing a counselor but I don't know how that will give me any means to be me. I don't see how this will make me stronger, it will just numb me. I don't know what to do, I want things to work with him and I want to have a normal relationship for once. I don't know how to forgive myself for the abortion.. I don't know how to forgive those who have wronged me in my life. How do I do these things?

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 38 votes (27 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Vyzr
    13 years ago

    You have a sad life. But you've been fighting for a long time havent you? Fighting hard will eventually lead to a reward. Just keep on goin because one of these days its gonna pay off. Sometimes there are things that you can never fix, but mistakes are made so that you dont make them again.

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  • whatsfordinner62
    13 years ago

    As they say long distance relationships mostly never work out.

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  • Cookies&Cream
    13 years ago

    You should'nt have killed your baby, because at least he would have given you company & pure love, but now you are all alone. Who knows maybe he would have liked the baby eventually. You screwed up and need to live with the consecuences like all of us do. NOt necesarilly the therapy thing will help you are the only one that can help yourself. As for the guy you loved, f*ck him and forget about him if he truly had loved you he wouldnt have made you kill somebody by manipulating you & wouldnt have been distant. Also long relationship tend to be a piece of s#*t so really find someone that can actually be around to be with you.

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  • beneficialpest
    13 years ago

    Have you considered asking a therapist if you might have Borderline Personality Disorder? You are describing a lot of its symptoms and it is especially common in people who have been abandoned or abused in some way. It is a very common personality disorder. Don't let the term personality disorder freak you out. Don't be afraid to go to counseling. Probably over time if you avoid it you will feel worse. It sounds like you have serious abandonment issues and maybe even an attachment disorder. I would seriously consider talking to a therapist about the above mentioned BPD. It is so common and yet sadly most people have never heard of it and don't know the symptoms. I see it frequently in people who have been through what you have.

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  • Ean
    9 years ago

    Yes, it's normal! I have low-to-none self-confidence anyway.

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  • Apple_mint
    11 years ago

    First of all, its ok. Losing a child is very hard and you sound like youve had a hard life. Its ok to cry and let it all out. And keep seeing a therapist, they can help. :) being yourself means to do what feels right to you. Its just hard to figure out what that is. Try meditating and doing yoga. Spend some time by yourself and do what u want to do or try something new. Maybe travel somewhere nice and sunny. And last, hate to say it, but i really think you should dump ur boyfriend. It was horrible how he threatened u into giving up the baby and thats not right. No offense, but he sounds like an ass. You can do better :) hope this helped some and good luck! Itll be ok.

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