Is it normal that i have no friends after 5years
Im exactly the same. I moved to a new country with my family 5 years ago when I was 17. Life in my home country was AMAZING! I was friends with everyone, I had two best friends..... simply put I had a social life and i LOVED it!
I moved here, not overally excited about the move but hey I decided to make the most of it. After 1 year of social torture at school, I was no longer the confident social butterfly I use to be. Girls said the worst things about me even though I tried so hard to be nice.
I though University would be different but to no avail. 4 years on and all I have is acquaintances. Im the type of person that NEEDS friends.
After being here for 3 years I went back to my home country, I worked like a dog (full time uni, full time work) saving to buy a ticket to go back. When I left here I felt like I was a freak, like I was a horrible person, like it was my fault that I had no friends. So I immersed myself in my work, when I was busy I didnt feel lonely.
However, when I arrived back in my home country for a 10 week visit, I started to feel normal again, I felt alive, I became the biggest social butterfly. I would go out and EVERYONE knew me and I loved making all the friends I did. I was soooo HAPPY!
10 weeks turned into 8 months.... the best 8 months of my life. I tanned, I partied, I freaking lived life. I never felt sad, I never felt lonely, I never felt abnormal. I felt ALIVE!
I decided to come back to the foreign country where my family was. I had a new energy and I was determined to make friends! I was going to be a social butterfly here too.
It lasted 3 months and soon I felt drained again, I felt lonely and I felt like my efforts had gone to waste AGAIN.
I've decided to accept it and so I work ALOT and study ALOT! If people ask me to join them for social events I always go but I never make real friends.
I try, I make an effort to remember birthdays, to smile, to be friendly, etc. but theres nothing.
Today I decided to take time out of my studies and attend a bbq at my boyfriends, friends house. I was excited, I thought this will be a great opportunity to make friends but again it was a fail.
I arrived at the bbq, all excited and friendly. I tried to take part in the conversation but all the girls were laughing about things I had no idea about. I stood there and I felt so awkward, so out of place. I tried to pet the dog and it growled at me, I mean seriously even the damn dog didnt want anything to do with me.
I tried talking to a few girls but they would say a few words and then sorta start talking loudly to the other girls, laughing etc. I tried to join in the convo but that didnt go so well, I wasnt there for the funny moments, I didnt get the joke behind the joke. I eventually sat down and just observed. I felt emotionally drained. I felt like I was standing centre stage completely naked with a spot light on me and the words "I am a social freak" written on my forehead.
I felt so stupid, new girls arrived gave me the once over. I had no idea who they were, I returned a smile and introduced myself. one girl kept looking me like as if to say "erm whos that"
I couldnt take it anymore so I picked up my bags and quickly excused myself saying my sister needed me at home.
When I phoned my boyfriend to tell him the truth and that I wasnt coming back, all he could say was "ah who didnt talk to you", "so you not coming back?". There was nothing like "o im sorry you felt that way", "please come back, you can stand by me". There was nothing and so for the rest of the afternoon I've felt horrible and im starting to lose hope.