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Maybe i'm just crazy but I have never loved my family or anyone else and it kind of bugs me when people say they have a "strong sense of family" ,but I have no desire to ever love them anyway
I don't think you don't feel love. Love is uncontrollable, irrevocably, sadistically, unimaginably, and insanely spontaneous and sometimes undetectable. You love your family, it's not a "must" it just is. It's not learned, it's instinctual. Of course, hate is learned. If you hold a grudge against someone, or a hatred feeling towards someone, it's because you have plausible reason to. You don't hate them from the minute you see them (if you feel like you do that called suspicion lol) Anyways, all that was off topic I know but as for your family I can't tell you if it's normal or not to "feel" like you don't love them, but It is normal to hold back that emotion for a reason that I'm sure you have. Perhaps you're just not an emotionally expressive person. Lol hope this helped
When I was younger I believed as I had been told ( over and over ) Family was the most importation thing . That they would always be there for you . That when the older relatives were dead and gone it would be my cousins and siblings that would always be there and have my back cause that is what family does . It took me along time to understand I had been lied to . Not all families act like this . Some families will stab each other in the back for even a small gain . Others just don't care to have you much in their day to day life. Then their are the ones that like to play head games with each other or even beat each other up or worse . Almost no one will tell you that you can walk away from toxic people and not allow them to keep hurting you over and over . Even when they are family . Some families don't seem to know how to care about each other . It's very hard to teach something you weren't taught while you were growing up, to your children . It sounds like this is what may have happened in your family . I hope you can over come it and break the chain .
I can see your point. Yes some families betray one another. Unstable household, greedy parents or siblings or other relatives is enough go make you feel like you don't love them. And maybe you don't. But there is always that sense of "family" you feel. I can agree with you on that part though
Over the years I have tried to love them but I never could, I do want to move on, but you can't really do that when your 13 and have no other choice but to live with the people who have spoiled your life. I just wish I could forget them, although at this point my friends are my family, even if they don't know it
well I wasn't expecting so many comments but the reason I do not love my family is because they only care about what happens to my siblings,especially my second oldest sister, she's their favorite (she's the only other one in my family that believes in god) and my brother because he has some issues (which are actually nothing)and they think he's gonna do crack or something like that. My mom has wanted a divorce for years and so does my dad but she won't because she said God told her to wait.The only thing she cares about is securing my older brother and sisters lives and futures, my oldest sister (now 21),my mom pretty much gave up on her when she found out she wasn't straight,and guess what? The one who told her was my other sister who blabbed. Im really sorry for ranting,because I know there are people who have it 100 times worse.All I really want to know is when parents divorce does there kid have a choice to go live with a new family?
Maybe i'm just crazy but I have never fucked my family or anyone else and it kind of bugs me when people say they have a "boner over family" ,but I have no desire to ever fuck them anyway
I can relate to you. I also don't love my family. They're treat me bad. They don't care if I'm dead or alive. They don't care about me. So, I totally understand you.
In my opinion, most people don't truly love their families, but they can't accept it.
Personally, I think that "love" is something that has to be earned. The sad truth is that most people have the believe that one "must" love their family, no matter what.
Interesting point of view, but if feeding you and clothing you and giving you shelter and protecting you for the entirety of your child life isn't "earning it" I don't know what is.
All those things that you are mentioning are very basic. It is a parent's obligation to do all those things, it is the least someone can expect.
Btw, I really hate when people think they must be praised for doing basic stuff. Bosses that are like: "I am such a great boss, I always pay on time", or boyfriends that are like: "You must love me, because I never hit you and never cheat on you". What has society turned into?
They may be basic, but you would probably be dead without them so in my mind they count for quite a lot. I'm not supporting mediocrity or anything, but I think this is a separate issue from that (and I agree with you there, which I will get to in a minute). Family, especially close family, is different from any other relationship because even the basic things have vast importance because the obligations are much higher. In my mind the worth of an act is not negated just because it's an obligation. You may disagree, of course.
You're right that people shouldn't require praise for doing things they are obligated to do, but I think love is very different from praise. Love isn't a compliment or something you give to someone as a reward for doing a good job. Love is an emotional state that just happens, sometimes as a result of good behaviour and sometimes not. I think people who expect to be loved merely for doing basic things (like the hypothetical boyfriend who expects to be loved just because he shows basic respect) don't really understand that love isn't always as simple as "good deeds go in, love comes out".
Certainly, "love" does work in mysterious ways. As you say, it is not an accurate transaction. Some people even fall in love after someone does them something bad. However, I think that genuine love does have at least a little logic behind. Otherwise, it is just an infautation or mere emotional attachment/dependance. The later is usually what happens within families.
We grow attached to our families because they are the people who we see the most and we get used to them, eventually, we even take them for granted and depend completely on them. There is something that many people learn the hard way, and it is that even if you don't have a good relationship with your family, you can usually rely on them much more than with any other person. You think your friends would never turn their backs on you, but if you ever need money (a lot) or a kidney, it will be your relatives who will offer to help you first. However, again, this is not truly "love" for me.
I will never forget what my grandfather once told me. He said that I should always tell my parents and siblings that I love them. I responded that love is shown by actions, not by words. But he responded: "No son, it is the opposite with family. We do things for them because they are family, even if we hate them. One can only know if a relative loves them if they hear it".
And well, I will finish explaining why I don't think most families love each other... and it is because of lack of honesty and communication. I am a teacher and I can assure you without a doubt that more than 90% of parents have absolutely no idea about how their children really are. Most parents idealize their kids and live in denial. That's why kids lie to their parents all the time as well, because they don't want to disappoint them. And well, I don't think there can be love among people that don't even know each other.
no its true but ive realized a lot of things lately, never feeling love is one of them,another is that im never actually happy, some of my friends might say that I am but smiling at something funny or laughing isn't the same thing
I guess that depends on what kind of family you have. So i wouldnt really know if its normal or not.
But seriously you gotta love something?