Is it normal that i have a scat fetish

Well not gonna say too much on this, but I'm a super clean person that values hygiene above most other things, and I have a problem where my fears turn into fetishes. I'm terrified of filth and shit, but I've had a scat fetish since I was about 12. Well, probably younger, but I'd only acknowledged it when I was 12. When I masturbate to vanilla stuff, it's never enough, and I always end up on scat websites or just dirty images in general. I've also drawn a few things.

I know this is sick, please try not to kink shame, I already do it to myself enough. How normal is this?