Is it normal that i have a fear of being in public?

I graduated high school last June and was okay up until August. My family was disappointed with me for not going to college or getting a job. I had planned to but people were throwing their high expectations at me and I was getting tired of it. I stay home everyday since then. Now I have paranoia, anxiety, and severe depression (though we don't have enough money to get medicine for it.)My mother thinks I have had depression for many years now though. The last time I was truly happy and not just okay was a few years ago. I currently still self-harm and daydream about dying. And the last few times we have been out in public I have had panic attacks. I feel too ugly and pitiful to be in public. And like I am in everyone else's way and a burden to them (it took a lot of courage to put this post up). Also, as a side note I have an obsession with diet and exercise and I no longer talk to my friends. I cannot walk outside my front door in the daylight even when I live in the countryside. I only exercise around 9 pm at night. And typically for many hours because I have a habit of daydreaming. I am trying to get myself out of having to go to thanksgiving because I can't stand my family. I get sick easily and I tend to sleep for many hours a day. I am sorry if I sound like I am asking for attention or pity. Please help me and thank you very much! I appreciate any help you can give me!