Is it normal that i hate my mother but fear losing her?

My mother is not a bad mother. She has managed to fulfill all my basic financial needs. She also happens to be a good cook. Having said that, she has a habit of verbally abusing me at the drop of a hat. For the most part of my life, I held myself responsible for triggering such reactions from within her but I have come to realise that it has got nothing to do with my deeds. She claims to be going through menopause and justifies her earlier behaviour owing to the same. At some point, to shield my self emotionally, I had started retaliating back verbally and I kept getting down to her level. After every session of verbally abusing each other I feel so emotionally drained out and worthless. I never want to or like to do this but she somehow manages to push the buttons in me that turn me into a monster. Other than this, we live under the same roof and we hardly talk other than the occasional unavoidable mono syllables. Despite all this, I fear losing my mom and secretly worry about how she's swiftly ageing and the thought of living without her presence makes me blind with sorrow. These are the only times I pray to God wishing he takes away a few years of my life and compensates her with it, if at all that would let my mother live as long as I live. It's a strange emotional feeling that is almost inexplainable