Is it normal that i hate my mother?

I've hated my mother for as long as I remember. She abused me and my little brother physically, verbally, and emotionally. By the time I became a teenager, I had a passionate hatred for my mother. Funny thing, is, when I was around 15, my mom once told me she would hit me if she could. I asked her why couldn't she hit me and she replied with saying you're too old. Seriously?

And this is not some sort of spanking, we were literally abused. She threatened to kill us and once held a knife about my head. She tugged my hair and punched me, sometimes giving me bruises. Because of her abuse i had depression for my whole teenage years and attempted suicide multiple times, until i moved out (i was like this because even though she stopped her physical abuse, she didnt stop her verbal abuse. Also i just straight out hated her). But then she stopped her physical abuse just because "i'm "too old"? I find this absolutely repulsive. Her physical abuse stopped, but my hatred did not. I began making it super apparent that i hated her guts by never answering her phone calls, not listening to her, not speaking to her, etc. To this day i do not find it immature AT ALL, i just find it as not wanting to handle her shit anymore.

Everything about her started to become so annoying to her. Hearing her voice, her breathing, seeing her walk, talk, literally everything and the abuse stopped. I just think its because i dont want to forgive her, which im ok with.

Around 3 or 4 years later, when im 17, she finally notices why im such a bitch and tries to be nicer but i have a tough bitchy exterior, so her nice-ness did not phase me. In fact, she did do that multiple times when I was a child. She would act nice, fool me into doing something for her, then act like like her normal bitchy and abusive self once I complied. So, i do not forgive her nor like her at all.

As soon as i moved out and finished college, i stopped all contact with her. I really really hate her and dont even want to think about her, but i honestly do send her some money every 6 months to make up for the shit we threw at each other, because after all, she did spend her money on me. Thats literally the most ill do for her. Anyways, is it normal to hate your mother with these reasons?

Voting Results
81% Normal
Based on 27 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • handsignals

    My mom cooked spaghetti on taco night, she said she was to busy to go to the store...I've been a broken man ever since...

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    • That's horrible.

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  • IINtobeonthiswebsite

    You can hate her the rest of your life and nobody would blame you if you did, or even continued to ignore her. I don't understand the part about giving her money. She was the one who had you, not the other way around....you didn't ask to be born. When you have your own kids, that is how you pay it back, and don't expect them to pay you!!!! Some things you aren't required to pay for with kids....like, college, weddings....there should be NO expectation that these expenses must be paid for by parents. Now, it is nice if you can help pay for kids college education, weddings, but, I don't feel it is a requirement.

    Now, with that said, you don't have to hate your Mom forever....you can forgive her, and that would be just about the most incredible thing you could do.

    You could also sit down with her, as an adult, and in a moderate, cool-headed way, ask her why she was the way she was.

    Sounds to me like you Mom suffered with some major mental illness. Bi-polar at a minimum, and really, more depressed. She also may have blamed you for her circumstances....she may not have chosen to be a Mom, was she raped? Incest? A teenager? Those could all be possible reasons for her anger. You don't specify.

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  • jr__

    Good for you making the best of it and getting on with your life.

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  • RoseIsabella

    I feel ya on the forgiveness thing, but I did find something that helped me a couple of years ago. Someone I was working on my issues with in a codependency group told me that forgiveness does not mean one is obligated to reconcile. It's kinda simple, but it really hit the spot for me. This idea has helped me to release a good bit of resentment in my life, because due to my own experience in a dysfunctional family I always associated forgiveness with reconciliation.

    Honestly, I think you're being kindhearted in that you send her money. If you ever feel the desire to forgive her you can do so while still asserting that you do not wish to have a close relationship with her due to the past abuse she inflicted on you and your younger sibling. If that hurts her feelings then too bad, so sad.

    The best revenge is living well... and it sounds like you're doing just that. Good on you!

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  • ali.dralex

    i cant say anything i even couldnt press yes or no cos finaly she is your mother when i read your history i started crying cos i had same problems with my family not just my parents all my family uncles aunts ... and they hurted me Too much so i will hate them for ever but i cant hate my mom

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  • thegypsysailor

    You too? Amazing.

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