Is it normal that i hate my mother?
I've hated my mother for as long as I remember. She abused me and my little brother physically, verbally, and emotionally. By the time I became a teenager, I had a passionate hatred for my mother. Funny thing, is, when I was around 15, my mom once told me she would hit me if she could. I asked her why couldn't she hit me and she replied with saying you're too old. Seriously?
And this is not some sort of spanking, we were literally abused. She threatened to kill us and once held a knife about my head. She tugged my hair and punched me, sometimes giving me bruises. Because of her abuse i had depression for my whole teenage years and attempted suicide multiple times, until i moved out (i was like this because even though she stopped her physical abuse, she didnt stop her verbal abuse. Also i just straight out hated her). But then she stopped her physical abuse just because "i'm "too old"? I find this absolutely repulsive. Her physical abuse stopped, but my hatred did not. I began making it super apparent that i hated her guts by never answering her phone calls, not listening to her, not speaking to her, etc. To this day i do not find it immature AT ALL, i just find it as not wanting to handle her shit anymore.
Everything about her started to become so annoying to her. Hearing her voice, her breathing, seeing her walk, talk, literally everything and the abuse stopped. I just think its because i dont want to forgive her, which im ok with.
Around 3 or 4 years later, when im 17, she finally notices why im such a bitch and tries to be nicer but i have a tough bitchy exterior, so her nice-ness did not phase me. In fact, she did do that multiple times when I was a child. She would act nice, fool me into doing something for her, then act like like her normal bitchy and abusive self once I complied. So, i do not forgive her nor like her at all.
As soon as i moved out and finished college, i stopped all contact with her. I really really hate her and dont even want to think about her, but i honestly do send her some money every 6 months to make up for the shit we threw at each other, because after all, she did spend her money on me. Thats literally the most ill do for her. Anyways, is it normal to hate your mother with these reasons?