Is it normal that i hate being autistic?

As the title says, I am high functioning autist. Who isn't pleased with it. Let me explain myself, I wonder if it is normal, please excuse my flawed English in places as even though I consider my English to be not so bad it is still not my native language.

Ever since I was 15 I found out about my condition, at first I was strangely happy about it, to find out about yourself, it finally cleared up a lot of things, as to why things were they were.

If you are wondering I have been diagnosed with an aspenger's syndrome, the mild form of autism. Social situation, interaction with other people was always a great struggle, I never understood people and to be honest, I still don't, I feel like I am blind and deaef most of my life, barely understanding anything.

I always wanted to make people around me happy, especially happy, but how can I achieve this when I am lost all the time?

That is why I ask, is it normal to hate being this? People who share the same diagnosis as me say they would never drink a potion that would change it, but I guess I would. People around me would be happier, I would understand them better..sometimes I wish to know how it feels like. What is even my purpose? What I am good for like this? I can't show my feelings clearly, no one can see what I feel barely.

It brought nothiing but pain to me. And I can't see myself in the future as I feel like there is nothing for me.