Is it normal that i genuinely hate my life and everything i've been given?

It's fucking awful and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm born into a poor Pakistani family in Texas with two short, fat, and poor parents. Sounds mean for me to refer to them as short and fat? How about when my father told me I needed nose surgery at 14 and still does. How about when I was body-shamed basically my entire life for being a skinny toothpick by them and my entire family and forced to eat unhealthy junk food that, now as an 18 year old male, have caused me to become skinny fat and make my process of going to the gym and improving my body much harder. I literally have nothing good about myself and it's incredible how every single odd has managed to work against me. I walk into the bathroom at school and the first thing other guys do is laugh at my appearance and tell me a cat would throw up if it saw me, while I smile and act like it didn't bother me because I'm too short and weak to say anything back. Seriously, I'm a 5'4.5 18 year old who weighs 115 pounds. I don't fucking understand why I was meant to be like this. Yet, being short and being weak could have been corrected by an early age if my parents fed me right and taught me about exercise growing up. Even my doctor told me that bullshit about "he's healthy so it's ok" even though mentally I'm a mess. Top it off with worrying about money and expenses and I can barely afford to get a handful of meals a day let alone think about one day getting the surgery my parents want me to. I'm working my ass off in school to do well and one day get a good job, but there's only so much I can do, I'm not some gifted learner or some shit, my brain is about dead average for a human being, probably. Even if I work hard, get intelligent enough for a job, it's tough for an interviewer to take notes and think about hiring the most unattractive and unsound male he or she has ever seen.

Despite this, I do my best not to show my discontent with life. Like I mentioned about the smiling thing when the kids insult me, I fake smile and laugh everyday at school. I like to spend time with the few people who consider me their friend. I make jokes and try to appear as a funny, comical guy, despite what I've been cursed with. But there's only so much I can do, and what's worse is when I want to do the typical highschool guy shit, like go to prom with a girl or have a girlfriend - I even have a crush on an amazing girl and it's fucking disgusting thinking of what she thinks of me.

I doubt my thoughts are normal, I guess, but how can I deal with it and move forward, but if that's not possible, what else can I do? Suicide has been an option basically my whole life, but I have never been actually depressed or anything because I just got used to these thoughts and feelings. Maybe in that case, you could say I've been depressed my entire life, but I've still been able to enjoy some things or have fun or avoid them. It's just everytime I think about the curses I have or some random person mentions it, like at walmart when someone says "are you lost kiddo?" or a little child runs away from me screaming, I can't help but think how easier it would be to pull a trigger and get away from it.