Is it normal that i friendzone every girl i've ever had a crush on?

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15 Comments

I'm 21 and male and for about 5 years now I have friendzoned every girl I've ever been attracted to sexually or romantically, to the point of mentally reassociating everything I like about them with platonic alternatives. Even if the feelings are requited I still do this, as I'm certain I'm not good boyfriend or lover material, and that they'll find someone who can be that for them if that's what they're looking for in their life; in the long term I feel this is what's best for everyone involved, myself included.

What does the Internet think of this?

Voting Results
44% Normal
Based on 71 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • dappled
    11 years ago

    I think you're denying yourself the chance to be happy because you're afraid of being hurt. You have every right to do that, but you're also denying other people the chance to be happy with you.

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    • Shroot
      11 years ago

      Deep shit bruh

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  • AbnormallyAwesome
    11 years ago

    Sounds like you value yourself a lot less then you value those girls. You seem to think you don't deserve to be with them, because there are better men then you.
    And sure, there are better men, but those girls aren't perfect either. You both have flaws and maybe they will overlook yours just like you overlook theirs.

    You sound like a nice guy, why shouldn't you be a good boyfriend?

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    • hrvatsko
      11 years ago

      To put it bluntly, sometimes I can be a massive bag of personal issues.

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      • AbnormallyAwesome
        11 years ago

        And if you had a girlfriend and found out that she can be a "massive bag of personal issues" too, don't you think you could deal with that?

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        • hrvatsko
          11 years ago

          You'd be right in assuming that; I frequently help a close friend of mine with some issues she's comfortable to talk with me about.

          Feeling uncomfortable about issues is one of the very few things about myself I'm open about; by nature I internalise most of my problems so as not to burden my friends and family. I don't want them to worry, you know?

          I don't believe I can ever loosen up this aspect of myself, leaving me too immature for a close relationship, which I believe should involve a very close sharing of the "real" aspect/side of yourself, something which to my memory I have never shown to anyone.

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          • AbnormallyAwesome
            11 years ago

            Oh man, this is starting to feel like I'm talking to another version of myself. I wish I knew a solution to that problem, but I'm afraid I don't. It's hard to change yourself.

            At least you know there's no rational reason why you shouldn't deserve a girlfriend. You just need more self-esteem. Wherever one can get that.

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    • Here'sTheDeal~
      11 years ago

      I completely agree. you hot to have more confidence in yourself.You have to believe that you can give them what they want. Maybe those girls weren't looking "better man", maybe they just wanted you.

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  • Tarkio
    11 years ago

    I don't believe in the "friendzone". I think friends make the best lovers. It takes time but eventually the friends come back and see you in a different way. Hang in there for the one you want. Don't settle.

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    • hrvatsko
      11 years ago

      Ah, cheers for your optimism, but I'm a little leery of relationships between friends; II'm not sure if it's universal, but I've noticed a group of friends split into factions of sorts following a breakup between friends. :/

      Is this sort of thing common?

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  • twinklesstar
    11 years ago

    It might be a stupid question but all those girl you friendzoned are they all curently your friend? If yes, is it more of a problem for you to choose between them , the right girl? Then you thinking your not right for them?

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    • hrvatsko
      11 years ago

      Most of them are currently my friends; a few of these past crushes I've lost contact with, and one girl who I think may have liked me back described me as being cruel and frosty, which I guess is pretty apt, when coming from outside of my perspective.

      As to your follow up question, it's not a matter of choosing between these crushes-turned-friends; I didn't think it was right of me to act on the feelings I had, so I replaced said feelings.

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      • twinklesstar
        11 years ago

        Ok so you were more unsure if you and that person can work together? Don't you think it might be you being to much of a perfectionnist so this resulting as not acting up on your emotions? Its like you don't want to try a relationship witout being 100% sure that you and that person are meant for each other, when your not 100% sure you feel that it would be wrong to be with that person and ultimatly that she would be better off without you?

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  • Unimportant
    11 years ago

    It is very altruistic of you.

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  • davesumba
    11 years ago

    that's how i am. i'd like to establish a good friendship with someone before just jumping into a relationship. too many people just jump into a relationship without being friends first, and that's why so many relationships don't work out. eventually we'll find a girl that we love so much and can't stop thinking about, and we'll make a move, and have a significantly better relationship than most other people out there.

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