Is it normal that i feel to kill my sick friend?

33% Normal
1 Comment

My best friend of 17 years old suffers of Acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL). He is very sick and suffers a lot because of the cancer spreading. But also because of the treatment: chemotherapy and radiation. The doctors are even thinking about a bone marrow transplant, which is very risky. He is very afraid and depressed and very dependent on me. I've been supporting and taking care of him for months. I'm also very anxious, stressed and hardly can't sleep, as I'm always worrying. I pretend to be strong by hiding my feelings away. I can't stand living like this anymore. Lately every time I see my friend sleeping, I think about how it would be better if he would never wake up, if he would just die. Yesterday I even seriously thought about killing him: suffocating him in his sleep. Now I am too afraid to be alone with him. I don’t recognise myself anymore and feel like going paranoid. I am too embarrassed and shocked at myself to tell this to anyone near me or even to a professional. Should I take distance from my friend? Do you think I would be able to really kill him?

Voting Results
33% Normal
Based on 12 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 1 )
  • charli.m
    10 years ago

    I had a friend who watched a dear friend of his dying a year or so back. He told me after one particularly awful weekend with her that as he watched her sleep, he thought about how much better it would be for her if he were to do the 'right' thing and suffocate her in her sleep.

    Of course, he didn't. It may seem better for someone to die than be in pain, and while I'm all for assisted suicide for the terminally ill - there need to be strict measures in place. It's not a situation I'd ever want to be in, from either side.

    I think you should get some counseling. You are dealing with a lot, and it would help you to clear your head. Also, see if you can get some respite care so that you can have a break. You need to look after your own health so that you can look after your friend.

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