Is it normal that i feel this way?

68% Normal
8 Comments

So, this is a rather long story, I hope you'll read it though.

I've got a boyfriend, we're dating almost 2 years now. However, he is very attached to me (I guess that has to do with stuff he's been through as a kid, his mom always blaming him for everything and scolding him.. you can say he's been mentally abused). Because of this, he sleeps very bad, only a few hours a day (every night) and he has a constant headache. Of course I feel sorry for him, but I have to hear it everyday 'I slept so bad this night' and 'my headache is so terrible now'. So, I met him in France on holiday, and we had such a great time. He seemed so nice and a really 'cool'/ relaxed guy. However, we've been together 2 years, and I think the 'true him' came out somehow. He's very attached to me, while I prefer being alone sometimes. We see eachother only in the weekend (but we stay together the whole weekend, from friday night until sunday night). If I'd say that I'd like a weekend off, or maybe even just a day off, he'd be shocked and would ask me 'why?'. It turns in such a dramatic scene wich it wouldn't need to be.

I honestly I 'don't know' if I really love him anymore, or if I just feel very sorry for him and all he's been true. You know, that I just want to stay with him because I feel sorry for him.. I'm a very caring person, but sometimes I just don't want to hear about his headache and bad sleeping.

I've said I wanted to break up with him once, because things were really getting out of hand, and we were fighting all the time, and when I say 'I want to break up' he just simply replies with 'no', and then, when I said that I couldn't take it anymore, and didn't want it anymore, he'd just start crying and being extremely nice to me the rest of the day..

I'm sorry if the story's a bit confusing, but honestly I just want to know if it's normal the way I feel; is it normal to confuse love with feeling sorry for someone?

And if I say this, does it make me a bad person? I honestly don't know what to think anymore. He's just getting on my nerves lately. And to be brutally honest, I think there's a part in me that just doesn't want to leave him because I'm afraid for what'll happen without him. Don't get me wrong, he's a very sweet boy, but very attached and always talking about his problems..(I know this sounds bitchy, but it's pretty bad) And I just don't know what to do with my feelings anymore.

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 41 votes (28 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 8 )
  • AbnormallyAwesome
    10 years ago

    I won't be much help but two things I want to comment:

    You think that the "true him" came out somehow.
    But people are not just one way or another. Maybe the cool/relaxed part of him is just as real as the demanding part. Please don't lose faith that there's more to him then his weakness - even if he lost that faith himself.

    I don't believe you're a bad person. You sound very caring and it's admirable that you are so honest and that you seak help.
    Best wishes to both of you!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • RoseIsabella
    10 years ago

    He needs to see a doctor and maybe even get a sleep study done. Also I would highly suggest that he see a therapist to work on those issues that have arisen has a result of the emotional trauma his mother put him through.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • Stairy
    10 years ago

    What the... My boyfriend talk about his lack of money all the time! I know what you feel, this is so annoying that a man talks about his problem again and again

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • BlondeBambi
    10 years ago

    I'm really thankfull that the comments are so sweet. It's just that I'm in a very bad time myself, and I really don't know what to do, because when I felt mentally ok, I could handle it, but now I feel weak too, and I can't really take it anymore. But I'm really, really thankfull for all the sweet answers and I'll try to work it out with him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    Good night.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • suckonthis9
    10 years ago

    Maybe you have a touch of the Florence Nightingale effect?

    Have you thought to help him find a place where he can get a better night's sleep?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Nightingale

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Nightingale_effect

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • bamanthehippy
    10 years ago

    I had he same thing happen to me and I broke it off after 4 months. His parents were both dead and he would bring it up all the time just cuz he knew it made me feel sorry for him but I just got tired of hearing it all the time cuz it was so depressing. He would talk about how everyone hated him and how he wanted to die and I just got rid of him. plus he was obsessed with my butt in an exaggerated and annoying way

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
  • Unimportant
    10 years ago

    Short remark, that may or may not help you see the situation from a different angle.

    As a man, I'm not talking about my problems. Period. At least not to the people that I don't know well. Therefore, I may appear as very relaxed/aloof at first.

    If I get to know someone better, I don't feel like I have to hide anymore and then I start talking about my problems. But that makes me look less confident and strong - things, that made the woman want me in the first place.

    That is one of the reasons why I don't like to open up to people completely.

    But if you even as much as suspect that you are being with him out of pity, then please, please just break up. You are not doing any favours by being with him out of pity, neither to him nor to yourself.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1