Is it normal that i feel so let down by someone i mentored?

Am I right to feel annoyed that a trainee that I mentored for 2 years now acts like a complete dick to me?

I work as a lawyer in a competitive firm and took this guy under my wing for most of that time, gave him time off when he needed it, protected him from the board of directors when they blamed him for things going wrong and basically, gave him the skills he has today. People often commented that he should be grateful that I helped him out, he himself used to say thanks for how much I helped him etc. and gave him the skills and covered his ass when he screwed up. I did not ’mother’ him but gave him support and constructive criticism, in my own training, I had no support at all so I did go to some lengths to give him proper training.

In recruiting in the first place, I didn’t hire a “hot chick” and offered him the one place I was allowed to offer as I used my head rather than my dick in choosing him to work with the firm. I held off leaving the firm until he finished training and qualified as a lawyer as we were professional colleagues but also friends.

He qualified and tripled his salary; I left at the same time and moved on to a better salary as well. This is not the issue, but what annoys me is that since then, he has no time for me and completely insulted my close friend and myself at a function. He has damaged my reputation by talking to people in the firm we left and saying he did most of the work, my wife had a baby and he didn’t even bother to congratulate me or my wife. He made personal comments about my family to people in the firm and said I didn’t deserve the praise I got as he is “smarter” than me.

I don’t know what I want from you guys – but I am so disheartened that we live in a world of arrogant coke head assholes. I really thought I was doing what was right- mentoring someone and helping them train, when now its all kicked back in my face. I hate this guy, what an asshole. I asked him outright what his problem was and he just shrugged things off, saying he was busy.

I just can’t be bothered with making an effort with anyone anymore other than my wife and son. Every time I try and do something good, people take advantage of that.

Voting Results
80% Normal
Based on 35 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • NeuroNeptunian

    He is an asshole, period. I wouldn't concern myself with his dickhead self. It happens. He put on his best face to get the position out of you and now he's comfortable enough to show his true colors. Doesn't sound new.

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  • ThisIsImpossible

    That's because you tried to be friends with a lawyer.

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    • shuggy-chan

      Yup, we cynics hate lawyers

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

    hell be back a grovelin when hes in that there 12 step program

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  • Tommythecat.

    "Every time I try and do something good"

    A lawyer that doesn't know he's a lawyer.

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  • handsignals

    I think we all know what you need to do here...TOP DECKER!

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    • linchpin

      What does that mean?

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    • jeebley

      I have to agree with this.

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  • LornaMae

    First off, I'm really sorry that happened to you. I'll just try and say the few things that crossed my mind while reading your story.

    Sometimes the person being mentored wants to break free, as if the mentor were hindering his development rather than contributing to it. It seems to me that it would be similar to a father/son or mother/daughter relationship and the whole individuation process. When you think about it you can kind of see how being under somebody's protection eternally could make you feel less of a professional, think less of yourself, even if subconsciously. It would explain the extremely inelegant behavior, the belligerence, the need to seem self-assured to others at the cost of denigrating your image. Not that any of it would ever justify being such an ass like you say he has been.

    I'd say just let it go. Let him go. Don't think of it as wasted time or a bad investment, you must have gained something from that process of teaching him, you must've gotten at least an important life lesson out of it.

    The bottom line for me is, you're dealing with disappointment in someone you trusted fully. Just like it happens in everybody's lives, be it with a lover, a parent, a child, a teacher, a friend, a coworker. Unfortunately, we have no guarantees that the people we invest in will be able to correspond. It may have something to do with, like someone said, judging character - which is not really a sure-fire thing you can do since everybody presents themselves a certain way in order to get what they want. Or it may have to with with being dealt a bad hand, I don't know. I don't think this comment will be of any actual help, but I'm glad that you have your family to support you and hope that all of this doesn't harden you up and make you lose faith in people.

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  • valisque

    Carma has a fucked up way of coming around. Give it a bit. Him being a newcomer, he'll need your help soon enough. When that happens, do what your profession taught you. Be brutal.

    Oh and I highly suggest doing your best to black list him. you have a lot of experience compared to him. What ever damage he can do to you, I'm positive you can do 10 times worse.

    Just forget ethics for a bit and bite back. You're a lawyer. You should know best how to go around it.

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    • Riddler

      I agree with Valisque. You have more power and you trained him. You could always black list him and make it hard to find work. You helped him and he screwed you over. If he wants to be an ungrateful glory hound give him the wrong type of attention.

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  • RoseIsabella

    I think arrogant, coke head, asshole much sums it up. People who abuse drugs and alcohol, especially cocaine, are notorious for their selfishness. Eventually there will be a downward spiral and he'll hit rock bottom.

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  • mcdicking

    Just remember that revenge is a dish best served cold. You will get your chance and when you do BURY HIS ASS!

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  • xoxochick

    Next time make him kiss your feet if he needs help.

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  • Riddler

    You were hurt by someone you trusted and they stabbed you in the back. This is why I never expect anything in return when I help someone.

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  • Foamy'sACoolSquirrel

    He sounds like a asshole. It's sad that no matter what someone does for another, a person still has the ability to be a complete git.

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  • Crusades

    You sound like a broken hearted high school girl.

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