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I'm 'recovering' from anorexia ( even though I don't want to) and now that I've started eating again, I feel like I don't deserve to sleep. Kind of like I need to hurt myself somehow, and if I can't stop eating, I can stop sleeping? I don't know. Has anybody else recovering from an eating disorder experienced this?
I used to have anorexia so, I can relate somewhat. When I was deep in it and later recovering, I never felt like I should deprive my self of sleep or anything else that I can remember. I did feel extremely "guilty" when I was trying to recover, I knew I had to gain weight but I couldn't stop obsessing about the concept of perfection, which is impossible to be, and I mentally/emotionally beat myself up for foods that were higher in calories (200 and up). Eventually, I managed to break from my ED's grasp. I've stopped giving a damn about calories and what not.
While, I never got professional help for this, I still think that you should see someone that specialises in eating disorders. They should be able to shed some light on all of this to help you. Good Luck!
Well it makes sense as its about having control over your body. But as you must know its unhealthy.
I deliberatly deprive myself of sleep sometimes too. A few years ago when I was feeling even more down I think it was a bizzare type of self harm but now I actually like missing sleep, watching tv drinking expresso at 4 in the morning knowing everyone else is asleep, i find it strangly relaxing. Plus it helps me lucid dream when I finally do dream
First of all, respect to you for battling such an addictive, convincing condition! I can only imagine what a struggle it must be.
However like someone pointed out, depriving yourself of sleep could be a control issue...but by saying your not going to sleep because you don't "deserve" to tells me a different story. From my understanding when people start saying they don't "deserve", there are usually some underlying guilt issues somewhere that need to be addressed...ask yourself, why do I feel I don’t deserve to sleep? A counsellor can help you find the answer to that question (if you don't know) and can help you address it. You should seek help
As a grown male, with a child, when I was unemployed I wouldn't sleep because...why? I haven't lived up to my standards of being a hardworking father. I couldn't help that, however. You can't help how you want your body to be perfect. We want what we want.
However, bulimia and anorexia is NOT the right way to go. There are right ways to eat AND look perfect. Instead of starving, eat a small helping of GREAT tasting salad. Great tasting food physiologically fills you up while the salads not a heavy food, very healthy and gives your body the nutrients you need.
You can eat up to and sometimes more, 7 times a day AND lose weight. Its not of counting carbs, kinda not, but no bs. Eat healthy versions of anything you feel. Don't eat what a body doesn't need...soda, candy, concentrate juices, greasy foods....
See a personal trainer that focuses on being thin and lean but healthy. You'll see that you can get the great results and be happy simultaneously
I have never been anorexic, but I do have low self-esteem. If I feel down on myself for any reason, I will consciously deprive myself of sleep because I don't deserve sleep. So while I'm not sure it's normal, I can certainly relate.
You do deserve it for all your hard work battling anorexia. Keep up the good work and get some well earned rest.
I didn't know not eating was about hurting yourself. You don't need to do that. If you have guilt, then surely your conscience is making you well aware of what for, why do you need to hurt yourself physically too?